


Best Friends (Fransykes)

by Asking4AHorizon



Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Discovery, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, it'll get better I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 59,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asking4AHorizon/pseuds/Asking4AHorizon
Summary: Josh and Oliver; best friends since always.It's a gigantic surprise when Joshua comes out as gay, though.Maybe not the good kind of surprise.
Relationships: Josh Franceschi/Oliver Sykes
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> let it be known that this is a mess so good luck to who read it! skdjhsdkfhfdhsifud bless u

"Hey, Oli?"

"Hm?"

"I gotta tell you something."

"Okay. What is it?"

Josh took a deep breath, glancing away from the ceiling as he laid on his back on the carpet, his nervous eyes flickering to Oliver.

Oliver had his stare on Josh, his bright hazel eyes sparkling as he wondered and waited and thought over and over. Josh was his best friend, what could he have possibly had to say to him? Nothing big, Oliver was sure.

"So, uh, you know that today I broke up with Nina," Josh stated, licking his lips nervously. "And, well... There's a bigger reason besides she was a bitch," Josh squinted his eyes a bit.

Oliver hummed, watchful. It was nice how both of them managed to focus on each other whenever the other was speaking, their entire attention on the other and the other only.

"I think I'm gay."

Oh yeah, Oliver already kne-

Hold the fuck up. Backtrack a little bit. Joshua was what? Oliver blinked several times, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Come again?"

"I'm gay," Josh smiled a bit. He stared at Oliver, his previous nerves had melted into the carpet and were no longer present. Josh felt lighter, actually. It felt good to actually tell someone that was important to him, to get it out.

Oliver stared at him with a blank face, his eyes sparkling with uneasiness.

"You're, you... Oh?" Oliver sputtered a bit, suddenly sitting up. Josh frowned sitting up a little.

"You okay dude?" Joshua gazed at Oliver concerned, his eyes a bit doubtful and something else. Oliver nodded a bit, still dumbfounded.

Since when was Joshua gay? What the hell? When did that happen? Did Josh watch a tv show and now was trying it up too? He wasn't gay before. Maybe Nina was too bad of a kisser and now Josh thought he liked guys. Yeah, it gotta be that. Josh didn't seem gay before. Oliver bit his lip, shifting a bit uncomfortable. Wait, did that mean that Joshua would now try and get with Oliver? Don't get it wrong, Oliver didn't have a problem with gay people, he just... Never met one before. And as much as it changed nothing, Oliver felt like it changed everything. What did that mean for their relationship now? Would people think he was gay too? Oliver wasn't gay.

"You're gay? You, like, you like dudes?" Josh chuckled a bit, quirking his eyebrows.

"Well, that's what gay means, isn't it?" Oliver blinked over and over, the words ringing on his head. He licked his lips, furrowing his eyebrows.

"How long... How long have you, uh..." Oliver said awkwardly. Josh sighed a bit and frowned.

"I mean, I've known it for a while now? I kinda wanna thank you, though," Josh said. Oliver blinked sceptically, shifting a little.

"Thank me... Thank me for what?" Oh god, was Josh about to confess his feelings for Oliver? Oliver wasn't gay. How would Oliver react to it?

"Thank you for pushing me to break up with Nina," he shrugged a bit. "It was the push I needed and I told her, she said she supports me," Josh smiled a little.

Oh fuck. It was all Oliver's fault. If he just had sat back and ignored how unhappy Joshua was with that relationship, Josh would still be straight and none of that would be happening. Shit, Oliver turned Joshua gay.

"Oliver... You're quiet. What is it?" Josh's concern only seemed to grow as Oliver stared at him with this different glint on his eyes. Shit. What was going to happen now? Did Josh fuck things up?

"Nothing," Oliver shook his head slowly. "I, uh, I just forgot that my mum asked me to do stuff," Oliver spoke a bit too quickly before he jumped up, not staring at Josh anymore but rather anywhere but him.

"Okay?" Josh tilted his head, laying back down. "Talk to you tomorrow?" Oliver nodded a bit distraught before he waved at Joshua, getting out of there fastly.

"Bye," Oliver muttered on his way out. Josh did too, getting back on staring at the ceiling.

Yes, maybe lying to Josh like that was a dick move but... He just felt plain awkward near Josh then. It had never happened before but now it just was. What if Josh had a crush on him? That just seems... Weird. I mean, Josh was a guy and... So was Oliver. That was just wrong. Oliver shook his head, walking back home faster. He definitely had some thinking to do now. He couldn't shift away from the oddness, too. To know that his best friend liked dick, like... How? Dick is just gross. Wait. Did- did Josh thought about sucking Oliver's dick?

Oliver scrunched his face in disgust. He wanted to gag at the mental image of Josh trying to suck his dick. Oh god. Oliver shivered in disdain.

God, Oliver hoped that things tomorrow wouldn't be as strange as he felt then.


	2. Chapter 2

Turns out that, no, things weren't getting less awkward for Oliver. Suddenly his best friend decided to turn gay on him. What the hell was Oliver supposed to do?

I mean, Oliver would support Joshua, of course he would but it was just too weird for Oliver. So Oliver ended up not even texting him the night before nor picking him up before school.

Oliver needed to understand it. He needed to sit and think and understand that Joshua wasn't his Joshua anymore. Wait. Should Oliver call Josh his? Would Josh take it wrong? Oh god. How could Josh even be gay? I mean, girls are great. How could Josh give them up? But... To each their own, he guessed.

Now, Oliver knew that he was ignoring Joshua, the many unanswered texts on his phone told him enough but, well. Oliver was a mess. He couldn't grasp the fact that Josh suddenly was gay. Would he start wearing all pink and rainbows now? Would he start gossiping and saying gay things all the time? Would he, oh, ew, would he start talking to Oliver about... Ew, ew, ew... Dick?

God, that was so hard for Oliver. How was he supposed to take it?

"You forgot me," Oliver heard Josh deadpanning behind him. Oliver blinked, shutting his locker and turning to look at Josh, a guilty yet awkward look on his face. Josh stared at him for a few seconds before he sighed. "You didn't answer me either," Josh quirked his eyebrow. Oliver gulped, shrugging.

"I, uh, I'm sorry. I forgot?" He answered though it sounded like a question. Josh gazed at him for a few seconds and it made Oliver nervous. Why was Josh staring at him? Did he lust after him? Would he suddenly turn and confess in the middle of the hallway?

"You never forgot me before," Josh pointed out, still with that intimidating stare. Oliver shuffled on his feet, shrugging again. "Is all of this because-"

"Hey, Josh!" They both turned to see a short, long-haired girl sauntering up to them with an award-winning smile. "Oliver," she acknowledged with a nod before crossing her arms, throwing her hair on the side. "So I was thinking, we could go shopping today," she turned excitedly at Josh.

Josh furrowed his eyebrows. "We could- what?" He asked sceptically.

"Yeah, I mean," she shifted on her feet. "Now that you're gay, we can go on and get clothes-" Josh seemed instantly annoyed.

"You think that I like buying clothes just because I'm gay?" His voice held an edge on it, and Oliver could see the irritation clear on his face.

"Uh, yeah?" She said as if it was obvious. Josh huffed out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Great," he mumbled silently to himself. "My best friend is avoiding me and now I'm being pushed into the stereotype." He scratched the back of his head and it made Oliver feel quite guilty.

"I'm- I'm not avoiding you," Oliver said, though they all could tell he was lying. Josh quirked his eyebrow at him, putting his best 'bitch please', face before he was shaking his head and walking away. Oliver bit his lip, shifting on his feet.

"God, what is wrong with him?" Nina asked beside him, sounding like she was insulted. "Here I am, trying to support him and he gets all ungrateful," she rolled her eyes before she stormed off.

But she wasn't trying to support him, she was just trying to push Josh into being her gay best friend and not even in a good way. She was just taking Josh by his sexuality. Wait-

Wasn't Oliver doing the same thing?

Fuck.

Oliver was quick to walk around, searching for Josh. He felt bad because he knew that Josh probably needed a friend there with him to support him and accept him instead of judging him. But Oliver couldn't help it. How was he supposed to support Josh? Kissing him? Don't get it wrong, they were friends but Oliver wouldn't do such a thing.

The bell rang and Oliver had yet to find Joshua. Maybe he had gone to class. But Oliver didn't stop searching and, luckily, he found Josh behind the school. Oliver frowned, padding up to him and sitting down beside him. One glance at Joshua's face and you could tell he was upset. Oliver gulped.

"I'm, uh, sorry," Oliver said awkwardly. Josh glanced at him and huffed, shrugging.

"God, I shouldn't have come out," Josh mumbled. And it made Oliver feel shitty because Josh shouldn't be regretting trusting in Oliver.

"Yes, you should," Oliver said simply. "I'm really sorry. I just, I don't know how to act or what to think... You know?" He confessed, messing with his fingers. "It's just so hard for me."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure it must be really hard for you," his voice was dripping with sarcasm. Oliver sighed silently.

"I'm sorry."

"You do know that nothing changed, right?" Josh raised his eyebrows, seeing Oliver shift and nod a little though he could tell that Oliver didn't believe it. "Dude," Josh shook his head, groaning a bit. "I'm still me. You know that I wouldn't go around pushing it down your throat or anything like that," he sighed, stressed.

"I know! I know, I mean... I think?" Oliver bit his lip, seeing Josh shrink a bit and stare out sadly. Oh god, what has he done? "I know, man. I just... Don't understand." He shrugged. "But I hope you know that I support you."

Josh turned to look at him and smiled a bit, nodding out.

"Thank you. But, uh, please don't tell anyone. Especially my mum," Josh breathed out, scrunching his nose. If the thought of coming out to Oliver was already nerve-wracking, coming out to his mom would be hellish.

"Yeah, don't worry." Oliver could imagine that she would flip if she found out. He did and Josh wasn't even his son. "I know nothing," and he made the zipping his mouth shut motion before standing up and patting his butt. "Now we gotta go to class." Josh stood up, cleaning himself too before they got to wander.

"Isn't it, like, at the end of the first lesson?" Josh tilted his head before Oliver stopped, taking out his phone and sighing.

"Well, let's wait a bit." He shrugged, walking back to their spot.

Josh hummed and padded back too.

"Well, uh, so we can't talk about girls anymore?" Oliver frowned. Josh quirked his eyebrows.

"We never talked about girls," Josh noted. Oliver shrugged a bit. He sighed out. It got silent for a bit and Oliver still was a bit awkward.

"How... How can you give up on boobs? I mean, they're so good to lay on and squeeze," Oliver frowned. Josh snorted.

"They're balls of fat, Oliver. Besides, the only boob you ever touched was your mum's," Josh shrugged. Oliver pouted.

"Okay, listen here, I've touched many boobs, okay?!" Oliver exclaimed, looking a bit offended. Josh rolled his eyes.

"Oliver, we both know that you didn't."

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you didn't."

"I did!"

"You didn't."

"Fuck you!"

"Yes please, fuck me."

Oliver almost choked. He turned his embarrassed eyes away while Josh looked so casual. Oh god.

Josh chuckled loudly at Oliver's now awkward face. And then, the bell rang. Josh stood up, pulling Oliver with him before they both went to class.


	3. Chapter 3

Oliver was trying to be the best friend out there. But every time he spoke to Josh, the word 'gay' kept being screamed on his mind. Oliver slowly tried to ignore it but he couldn't help but imagine Joshua being, well, gay. And it was weird, too. Because in a way he felt like Josh was an entirely different person even though he was still the same.

Now, Oliver would stick up to his words. He would support his best friend the best he could. But... How do you support gay people? Oliver did want to be there for Joshua but he just didn't know how. And it's not like he could just up and go to Joshua and be like 'hey, teach me the gay'. He didn't want Josh to go through it all by himself but he still had no idea of what to do, how to do.

Oliver opened up his laptop, login in and nibbling on his lip. He typed and maybe he should have been more specific instead of typing 'gay boys' on Google, but he hoped it would do. He already felt ashamed of doing so, like there were thousands of eyes burning down on him, judging him. But for Josh, he would do it for Josh. He didn't want to lose his best friend because of that. He began opening many pages, not even checking their URL as he opened them all.

He had to get the most info out of it. He wanted to make it up for Josh for ignoring him and making him feel bad so he would be the most supportive motherfucker out there. He hummed a bit, shifting so he had one leg tucked under himself and he waited for the first page to load.

Oh, his poor, innocent, straight eyes.

"Oh my fucking god!" Oliver squealed, quickly trying to exit that page but then he forgot that his volume was on maximum and a bunch of rough groans and low moans began blaring through his room. Holy shit, Oliver was so embarrassed. He had never been more glad that he was home alone. Oliver quickly tried to close the tab but the noise kept going, making him blindly try and figure out from which tab was it coming from. Oh, the things his eyes saw. Oliver was absolutely horrified. That had to hurt like a motherfucker! The things he did for Joshua. He winced.

And then he thought that it couldn't get worse.

"Oliver?" He heard an amused voice behind him, speaking loudly just so he could hear. Oliver was quick to shut his laptop, face entirely red. He turned around quickly, shrinking onto himself as he came face to face with his best friend. Oh god. Oliver cleared his throat.

"Uh, uh, Joshua," Oliver said shakily. "What- what are you doing here?" He pursed his lips, face still bright red.

"Were you wanking to gay porn?" Josh was trying to hold back a laugh, his eyes swimming with entertainment. Oliver was still flustered.

"No!" Oliver said loudly, standing up and gulping his humiliation down. Josh smirked, still holding back. "Why are you here?!"

"If you wanted to learn how to suck dick you could've asked me," Josh teased, sitting down on Oliver's bed.

"What?!" Oliver's voice was high and he began to blush even harder. Jesus Christ, what did he do to deserve this? "I don't want to suck dick!" Oliver yelped, running to his bed and throwing himself face down on his pillow. He knew that Josh wouldn't let him live it down.

Josh snickered loudly, and for some reason, that laugh made Oliver even more flustered. Maybe because that laugh was mockingly evil.

"Questioning your sexuality already, Oli?" His bright blue stare swam with amusement as he kept it trained on the back of Oliver's head, lips curled up and nose wrinkled a little.

"No! I'm straight!" Came muffled from the pillow. Josh laughed more and shrunk onto himself.

"We always hang out on Tuesdays at yours," Josh said. "What were you even doing?" He tried to push all of his enjoyment aside and try and understand why the hell was Oliver with his volume on max and with so many porn pages open. Oliver stood there for a second before he slowly looked up, still flushed.

"I... I was trying to understand," he pursed his lips awkwardly, sitting up and scratching his head. Josh tilted his head, quirking one eyebrow.

"You were trying to understand how guys fuck?" Josh tried to clarify, though it made even less sense to him.

"No! I was trying to understand... You, gay people," he sighed frustratedly. He was overwhelmed because he couldn't stop thinking about the things he saw. God, Oliver needed to see a bunch of naked women to take all of... That out of his head. Josh furrowed his eyebrows, lips twitching down.

"... Us? What- you know what, yeah okay. Why didn't you just ask me, though?" Josh tilted his head. "If you have questions about it, you can come to me. I think you'd learn much more with me than with porn," and his amused smile was back. Josh was trying his best to push his annoyance down because of how Oliver spoke of it. Like they were a different species.

Oliver groaned, falling back down on the bed, making Joshua laugh.

"It's not that easy!" Oliver complained, huffing out and messing with his straightened hair. Josh shook his head, moving so he was sitting on the floor instead, one leg bent the other flat down, his elbow on his knee and his other arm on the bed, near Oliver.

"It literally is that easy," Josh quirked his eyebrows, Oliver turning his head to look at him. Oliver grunted, shaking his head and shifting so he laid on his stomach.

"Well, maybe to you," Oliver grumbled. Josh furrowed his eyebrows again, watching Oliver roll his eyes.

"Why wouldn't it be to you too?" Oliver shrugged.

"Because I don't wanna ask a bunch of questions and make you think that I'm a fa- gay dude too." Oliver pursed his lips quickly, internally beating himself up. He didn't mean to. He slowly shifted his eyes to Josh. Shit.

Josh was just deadpanning at him, his stare somewhat heavy. It wasn't even annoyance anymore, it just held a hint of hurt. Oliver gulped. He just fucked it up badly, didn't him?

Josh didn't say anything, he just stared. And maybe that's what was worse because he didn't even say that he noticed Oliver's slip up but his eyes did. Besides, he wasn't lashing out or anything, he was just quiet. And it hurt.

"I'm not a cigarette, Oliver," Joshua said rather calmly, and his face remained blank. Oliver swallowed again, lips parting as he let out a small breath through them.

"I... I didn't mean it," he mumbled. Josh clenched his jaw and looked down, shrugging.

"Yeah. Anyways," Josh stood up. This time, he was the one that couldn't look at Oliver. "If, uh, if you have questions just ask me," he shrugged. "I gotta go help my mum out," he mocked bitterly, rolling his eyes and walking out. Oliver flinched, sitting up.

He really didn't mean to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eric is Ghostemane in case anyone wanna look him up or sum :P

_Cmon dude_

_don't you wanna come with me and get my new tattoo?_

_I can get you ice cream after_

  
Oliver sighed, biting his nails nervously. Joshua was barely talking to him anymore. If he did answer, they would be monosyllabic and not seem genuine. Oliver felt so bad. He shouldn't have opened his mouth.

He knew that his childish antics wouldn't work this time like before, what happened now was way more serious than he just playing a silly prank on Joshua. Oliver groaned, standing up. He would find a way to get Josh to forgive him.

Oliver was quick to change into jeans and a flannel, desperately fixing his hair before he nervously left the house. He didn't know what to expect, really; it may be getting the door slammed on his face, or getting shouted at, or Josh not even bothering to open the door. Oliver really wasn't sure what to expect.

Once Oliver padded up to the door, he didn't knock since he practically lived there, he just barged in. The house was mainly silent, with faint music coming down Josh's bedroom. Oliver gulped. He was nervous and he had a reason to be.

Once he was in front of Joshua's room, he could feel his heart on his throat, lungs failing, even lightheaded. He gulped.

"Jay?" He called weakly yet loud enough to be heard, knocking lightly. He heard a bit of shuffling before it went completely silent. He inhaled. "Jay... Please open up?" He asked hopefully.

After a moment of complete quietness – besides from the faint music still playing – the door opened slowly, just so Josh could look at Oliver through the gap with one eye. Oliver smiled nervously, shifting on his feet.

"The... The tattoo?" He asked hopefully. He saw Josh staring at him for a long second before he sighed, opening the door and walking back into the room, Oliver following behind.

Oliver kept staring at Joshua, anxiously nibbling on his lip, hands messing with his flannel. Josh grabbed on some clothes and glanced at Oliver, making him turn around so Josh could change. It was awkward, too awkward, and honestly, Oliver hated it. He wanted his best friend back, and he really wanted Josh to be comfortable around him. He just needed to learn to watch his mouth.

He needed to learn his old views again.

"Let's go," Josh muttered, making Oliver turn around and gaze him over. Joshua, like Oliver, had some jeans and a red flannel over a white shirt and a beany on his hand. Oliver gulped again, watching Josh pad up to his body mirror and fix his hair.

"You look like a lesbian," Oliver said playfully, though the nervousness on his voice was pretty obvious. Josh glanced at him through the mirror, seeing his out-of-place expression along with a crooked smile, that seemed a grimace. Josh softened a bit, hard expression falling as he shook his head, going to turn his music off.

"You better get me ice cream for the rest of the fuckin month," Josh grumbled, walking out with Oliver following behind. Oliver smiled easily, a relieved sigh leaving his lips, which wasn't unheard by Josh.

"If you want diabetes this hard," he shrugged. Oliver laughed after receiving a punch on the arm, cradling the same spot Josh hit and gazing at him. "Thanks, man," he was soft, his expression carrying this gratification that was enjoyable to see. "You're the best," he confessed. Josh huffed, rolling his eyes.

"Bitch, I fuckin know." Josh smiled at Oliver and that was that it. Maybe things weren't a hundred percent the same as before but they would get there in time.

"What d'ya plan on getting?" Josh watched Oliver and his thinking face.

"Dunno. To be honest, I just wanted to get you to talk to me again somehow," Oliver shrugged, glancing at Joshua awkwardly. "But I think I'm gonna get the rose on my throat."

"Won't your dad flip shit, though?" Josh furrowed his eyebrows. Things were quite peculiar when it came about Oliver's dad, and he knew that Oliver hated to think about it. And he was right, too. Oliver looked away from Josh, stiffening before he shrugged.

"It's none of his business what I do."

And that was the most conversation they had until they got on the tattoo shop.

"Oliver, my man!" The cashier greeted, walking over to give Oliver a bro-hug. "It's been a while, huh? How's it going?" Oliver chuckled, shaking his head.

"Good, good. What about you, Eric? How's the music going?" The man chuckled, nodding.

"I'm raising pretty quickly," he seemed dreamy, it was beautiful to see; the hope and life in his eyes. "And this? Who's your friend?" Eric turned his stare to Josh, that suddenly seemed to shy away a bit.

"Oh, that's Josh," Oliver smiled a bit, almost shyly. Eric glanced at him surprised a bit before his eyes turned a little amused, a smirk forming on his lips. He shook Josh's hand.

"It's so good to meet you, Joshua," he chuckled a little. Josh was confused. Did Oliver- "Oliver talked about you quite a lot." Oh. He did?

Eric gazed at Oliver mischievously. It made Oliver uncomfortable but he shrugged it off. Eric made a few more professional questioning and left to the back to draw up the tattoo. Josh and Oliver sat down, now realising that there was another dude on the room, sitting there, gazing at them curiously. He seemed a bit older than them but still a teenager – maybe on his early twenties or so. They were facing him, that studied them for a few seconds before smiling and looking away.

Oliver only quirked his eyebrows, dismissing it and turning to talk to Josh to spend time. Only, he was surprised once he took a look at Josh's face. He was shy, a small blush dusting his cheeks as he stole little glances at the other dude, biting his lip slightly before looking away.

Be _supportive_ , Oliver thought. Oliver looked up at the man, determination crossing his face. But he stood quiet for a few minutes before he decided it was a good idea.

"Hey," he called out. Josh turned to look at him quickly, a slightly panicked look on his face. The man gazed up at Oliver, seeing him looking at him and got this wondering expression on his face. "Are you gay?"

The man frowned confusedly, tilting his head with narrowed eyes.

"Excuse me?" His voice was slightly high, his accent American, bright green/blue/grey/whatever the fuck eyes gazing weirdly at Oliver. Josh hit Oliver rather harshly, looking at him with a 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?' Face. Oliver glanced st him before shifting forward, elbows on his knees and hands together, a friendly smile on his face.

"So, y' know, my friend thinks you're hot but he wouldn't talk to you so imma do it for him," he smiled proudly. That's how he could get a boyfriend for Josh and support and show him he didn't care! It was the perfect plan, really. Josh was silently freaking out on the side, shrinking onto himself, seeing the man's face undo the confusion and get on the curiosity side, his eyes flickering to Josh as he trailed them up and down. _Oh god, why the fuck did Oliver keep opening his fucking mouth?_

"Oliver?" He saw Eric calling him, and they all looked up at him. "C'mon," he tilted his head, a friendly smile on his face. Oliver smiled and turned to Josh, winking at him and hurrying away with a proud look on his face. Josh gulped hard, slowly turning his face to see the man staring intently at him.

_Fuck._

"So it'll maybe take up to one, probably less, hour to finish just the outline. You wanna colour it today or leave it to another day?" Eric started the procedure, leaving the drawing on Oliver's skin, getting the machine on.

"Nah, I brought Josh today. I'm gonna get the colour some other day," he tilted his head back as Eric asked, shutting his eyes at the faint buzzing on, swallowing down the pain as the needle began piercing his skin. Eric hummed, eyes focused as he traced up the shapes. After a while of silence between them, Eric glanced up at Oliver's closed eyes before focusing back on.

"How're things at home?" He asked, face serious. He saw Oliver tense before he forced himself to relax, breathing out.

"They're normal," he mumbled. He probably shouldn't be speaking while getting a tattoo on his throat but we for plot purposes we gonna ignore that.

"Oliver," a warning edge on his voice. Oliver sighed.

"They are. There's no need to ask, that was a one-time thing and we know it."

Eric sighed, face turning sorrowful as the hopelessness appeared for his friend. Sure, they only talked from month to month, when Oliver decided to get another tattoo, but they confided things to each other that no one else knew.

"So you're still repressing yourself," Eric mumbled rather to himself but it was enough to Oliver open his eyes and flicker his eyes to him.

"I'm not repressing anything," he said forcefully. The tattooer glanced at Oliver with a knowing look that made Oliver shut his eyes again. Things went silent for a moment before they engaged back into small talk.

After a while, they were done, and Oliver's throat was wrapped with plastic. They walked back to the front of the shop, seeing an all shrunk up Joshua on the corner, looking at the outside. Oliver paid and they got things right, setting on the appointment to paint Oliver's new tattoo.

"Well, see you around, kid," Eric nodded at him. "Hopefully things will get better," he smiled sadly. Oliver gazed away before he said his goodbye, leaving the shop with not a glance at Joshua but still knowing that he was following him.

A really strong punch on his shoulder blade, making him stumble forward and cradle his shoulder, face scrunching in pain.

"O-ouch?" Oliver turned to stare in disbelief at Josh, that had his entire face red.

"Don't you fucking dare to pull shit like that again on me, did you hear me, Oliver bloody Sykes?!" Josh shouted, looking embarrassed out of his mind. Oliver blinked, suddenly remembering what happened on that day. He smiled, tilting his head.

"Oh yeah, how did it go? Was he gay?" He watched Josh curiously, seeing him flushing harder, nodding hesitantly. Oliver frowned. "Then why did you punch me?"

"Because, you arsehole!" Josh furrowed his eyebrows, padding away, leaving a dumbfounded Oliver behind.

Oliver ran up to catch up with Josh, letting his hand drop down, a curious look on his face.

"How did it go?" He asked eagerly. Josh glanced at him, seeming shyer by the second before he shook his head.

"We gonna get a bloody banana split, you fuckin wanker."


	5. Chapter 5

Boring. Booooorrriiiinnnnngggg. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Oliver threw his head back, huffing. Why did history have to sound so boring when they had to learn instead of sounding exciting when he watched documentaries? Jesus Christ, Oliver would fall asleep right there.

A finger jabbed on his side, making him squirm and turn to see Josh looking just like how he felt; bored to fucking death. Oliver quirked his eyebrow but his only response was the finger digging deeper on his side. He flinched, swatting Joshua's hand away.

Josh's lips curled up before he started to do it again.

"Stop it, fuckin hell," Oliver whispered harshly, making Joshua chuckle lazily. He looked like a fucking moron. Oliver rolled his eyes before he huffed, slouching back on the chair. He slowly shut his eyes, drowning out the teacher's voice as he welcomed his head to take him over, going to his little fantasy land. Then he was brought back down to earth harshly as Joshua poked him again.

"Oi!" Oliver yelled, sitting up quickly and slapping Josh's hand away, a glare on his face. Josh's eyes widened before he slowly glanced around before he blushed and shrunk down on the chair, pulling the hood of his hoodie up, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. Oliver frowned confusedly, glancing around to see the teacher staring at him unimpressed.

"Anything important to add, Mr Sykes?" The teacher crossed her arms, tapping one foot on the ground impatiently. Oliver gulped, shrinking down a bit.

"No, ma'am," he mumbled, looking down. It was overwhelming the number of eyes on him.

"Thought so. Since you seem to know so much about it enough to not pay attention to my class, wanna come here and teach it to them?" Oliver shrunk up even more, pursing his lips. Oh god. He shook his head, eyes on the desk.

"Now pay attention!" She snapped, before composing herself, taking a deep breath and starting to explain again.

"She's a fuckin bitch, man," Josh mumbled, giving her a cranky look. Oliver glanced at her and rolled his eyes, melting even more on the table.

"Tell me about it," Oliver scoffed silently. She had no right to humiliate him like that in front of his classmates. Oliver was still uncomfortable.

Fucking bitch.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

"I'm telling you, mate," Vegan said. "If the government falls, the poor will rise and things will grow from there," he leaned back, arms crossed and a pointed look on his face. Jordan huffed, rolling his eyes.

"If the government falls, the world will go wild, and when I say wild, I _mean_ it," a glare was on his face, hands on the table. "People will stop working and then food will stop being produced and people will go crazy trying to feed their families."

"No, but-"

"Vegan, shut your anarchist arse up and Fish, shut your capitalist face off," Josh rolled his eyes, plopping down on the seat. Matt raised his eyebrows, blinking.

"What the hell crawled up your arse?" He gazed Joshua over, nodding at Oliver that sat down beside Josh. All the group was reunited, mainly each with their own conversations before Matt and Jordan broke into a passionate discussion about the regime. Oliver snorted.

"What didn't?" He mumbled quietly, but not silently enough so Josh didn't hear. Josh glared at him, hitting his shoulder. Oliver flinched, snickering to himself. The others quirked their eyebrows, shrugging between each other.

"Is it because of Nina?" Dan leaned forward, hand on his chin and elbow on the table, keeping his head up. The fellas gazed up at Josh, mainly curious but concerned too. Josh raised one eyebrow.

"Guys, I'm fine," he frowned. "What makes y'all think I'm not?"

"Dunno. You've been pretty... Secretive? Paranoid?" This time it was Matt, the other Matt. Josh blinked, pursing his lips.

"Y'all can't blame him," Oliver shrugged. Josh tensed, gazing at Oliver with intent eyes. Surely he wouldn't open his mouth.

Joshua wasn't out to anyone else yet. He wanted to keep that way because he wanted to slowly warm people up, to slowly get them used to the idea instead of simply throwing it at them. Take Oliver for example. He knew that just throwing it on people would get them confused and even push them away, and the last thing he wanted was to lose his friends.

"What do you mean?" Jordan tilted his head, drinking up some juicy juice. Why the hell did I say that? If it's a juice, it gonna be juicy. Okay. Focus. Sorry.

"I mean, Josh can't let people find out he's..." Oliver rolled his eyes, speaking easily, maybe even smugly, until he trailed his eyes to Josh's panicked, unbelieving face. Oliver lost his smugness, sitting up. "He's, he's got a new girlfriend." Josh's face fell with some relief and even more disbelief at the same time. His face screamed 'shut the fuck up, just shut the fuck up'. Oliver gulped.

"You got a new girl?!" Chris exclaimed, leaning forward. Most of the others seemed shocked or surprised. Aren't these both the same thing? Huh.

"I can barely get one girl," Max mumbled, making most of them laugh. But Josh and Oliver.

Josh had this sort of death stare but his eyes were wide and lips were parted yet his eyes screamed bloody murder at Oliver, that had nervously shrunk up, scratching the back of his neck.

"Man, tell me your secrets," Nichols moaned, huffing with a frown. After a few mumbled of agreement, they all had focused on Josh, that glanced around before he blushed.

"I- I don't-" he started. But guess what? He didn't know what to say because his brain had come to a halt of panic and dread. Oliver gulped. That boy really, _really_ needed to control his tongue.

Luckily enough, the bell rang, making Josh stand up quickly and grasp the front of Oliver's shirt tightly, pulling him along without a single word to the other boys. Oliver stumbled, grimacing a bit as Josh tugged him harshly to the closest boy's bathroom. Once they were in, Josh let go, locking the door and turning around to glare at Oliver.

Oliver chuckled nervously, tugging at his neckband and smiling painfully awkwardly.

"Uh, hi?" He laughed too forcedly, gazing around anxiously.

"What the fuck, Oliver?!" Josh shrieked, hands going to his hair, face flushing red. Oliver flinched, lips in a grimace.

"I'm sorry!" Oliver said quickly, really not knowing what to do with his hands. Josh groaned, falling back on the wall as he slid down, face on his hands. Oliver breathed out, slowly inching closer to Josh until he crouched down in front of him, lips pursed awkwardly. "I'm really sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to almost tell them and I didn't mean to tell them that you have a girlfriend."

Josh huffed, glancing up at Oliver with hard eyes. He softened a little when he saw how guilty Oliver seemed. He grunted.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now," Josh complained. Oliver sighed, hands on his knees as he leaned down to rest his chin on them. It was kinda painful so he straightened his back again.

"It's none of their business," Oliver said slowly after a few silent moments.

"Yes, but you already _said_ it," Josh stressed, throwing his head back and letting a frustrated huff. Oliver exhaled, staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry."

"If you apologize one last time I'll Nicolas Cage your face off," Josh snapped. Oliver blinked, taken aback.

"Right," he spoke awkwardly. "I'm-" a harsher glare from Josh shut him right up. They went silent again, listening to the people walking to their classes.

"American." Josh glanced up, quirking his eyebrow. "Tell them she's American and they can't meet her because she flew back there recently." Josh thought over before he stared up at Oliver.

"I don't wanna lie to them." Oliver sighed.

"Yeah, but then they'll wanna know what secret you have," Oliver bit his lip, staring at Joshua apologtically.

"They'll forget," Josh shook his head.

"Will they?"

Another moment of silence.

"Fuck you, Oliver."

"I know. I'm so- oh, uh, okay."

Josh sighed and grumbled.

"You're a dumbass," Josh stood up, patting his bottom. "And I know you're sorry but Jesus, you need to shut up."

"I'm aware," Oliver muttered. He stood up too, still awkward. Josh was less freaked out now, which was good, so he could think clearer.

"Let's go to class, this shit will fix itself."

Turns out that it kinda did. Josh told them that there was no girlfriend and the guys did press him because it was obvious now that Oliver knew something they didn't, and they did not keep secrets from each other, but after Josh explained that he would tell them in time, they tried to be patient. Of course, they tried to get info out of Josh here and there but Josh didn't give them a single hint.

But in a way, Josh was glad for Oliver's big mouth. He didn't feel heavy for holding a secret from his friends anymore. Yeah, he was still hiding it from them, but now they were more or less aware. Josh kind of wanted to thank Oliver but he knew better than to do such thing.

But Josh did get some sweets as an apology from Oliver. It was nice.


	6. Chapter 6

" _No, I- yeah, I got the popcorn for us already,_ " Oliver heard munching on the other side. He hummed.

"I'll get us soda on the way," Oliver bit his lip softly, eyes tracing the outside world. Trees, houses, people.

" _Okay. I can't wait to see how it looks like,_ " Josh chuckled on the other side. A bit of shuffling and a sigh. " _I'm hanging up now. Get me a Pepsi._ " And Josh hung up. Oliver put his phone in his pocket and stopped walking. He breathed out.

He had just finished colouring his rose, gotten out of the tattoo shop, actually. But Eric didn't know how to mind his own business so he kept pestering Oliver regards his father. And now he was overwhelmed. He was scared, maybe even a bit regretful for getting that tattoo. But it didn't matter. It was his skin to do whatever he pleased. Right?

He began padding up again, shaking his head. It wasn't time for that. He had to get their soda.

After a few minutes, he had gotten them and was jogging to Josh's house. Oliver had a thing for walking because it always cleared his head. He was always peaceful by the time he got home. He liked doing so because it was like he wasn't really himself, too. He could see the world around instead of just imagining it, he could have every thought he wanted without a care, he could just... Be. it was lovely.

He closed the gate behind him, knocking on the door, the bags tight on his grip. After a few second, he heard quick footsteps hurrying up through the house. Josh was quick to open the door, a wide smile on his face. He snatched the bags from Oliver's grip, looking inside, eyes sparkling.

"Finally!" He shouted, getting out one of the soda's can and opening it, thrusting the bag back to Oliver. He kissed the can, laughing goofily before he padded back inside the house. Oliver didn't even realise the smile on his face until he shook his head, walking inside and shutting the door.

"What're we watching?" Oliver jumped on the couch beside Josh, seeing him crossing his legs under him, a delighted face as he drowned the entire thing in one big gulp.

"Something with Jack Sparrow," he answered once the soda had gone, grabbing the bowl that sat down beside him and putting it on his lap, grabbing a handful of popcorn and staring at Oliver.

Oliver hummed. Then Josh gasped.

"Holy crap!" He exclaimed, shifting closer to look at Oliver. "It looks sick!" He had this amazed glint on his stare, a small genuine smile. Oliver smiled more.

"Hell yeah!" They both chuckled, while Josh inspected it from close. Oliver's smile fell. He was too close. Oliver looked away.

"C'mon, put it on," Oliver elbowed Josh on the side, making him nod and sit up, pressing play. The introduction went on before Oliver's eyes widened at the unexpected weight on his shoulder. He shrugged Joshua off, giving him this confused look.

Josh stared at him surprised for a few seconds before his face fell.

They always cuddled. Always. Why was Oliver shrugging him off now? Oh, yeah. The difference now was that he knew. His eyes shifted to annoyed in seconds before he was exhaling and gazing back at the screen, jaw tight. Oliver gulped.

Why was it with Oliver always making Joshua mad? Oliver exhaled slowly. Nothing changed. Nothing. He slowly laid his head down on Josh's thigh, seeing him look down at him surprised. Oliver had this apologetic stare that made Josh soften and smile a bit. Oliver was trying. Josh had to be patient. Josh was trying to be patient. He hummed and looked back up, grabbing popcorn and pressing it on Oliver's lips, letting him munch.

Nothing had really changed. Oliver just had to remind it to himself.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

"What the hell is this?"

Of course. Oliver should have known that a turtleneck wouldn't always hide it. He should have seen it coming, really.

"A tattoo," Oliver deadpanned. His father glared at him harder.

"I see that," he said through gritted teeth. "But how the hell did you got another one? You didn't even have permission!" He snapped. Oliver tried to hold his annoyed expression though the feeling that he did something wrong twisted his guts. He hated the power his father had over him.

"Yes, he did," another voice deadpanned behind them. Oliver blinked, surprised, turning back to look at his mom, that glared at his father.

"You let him get another tattoo!" His father shouted. And Oliver knew that suddenly things weren't about him anymore. But it's okay, he was used to it. Oliver nibbled on his lip, gazing back and forth between them.

"Yes, I did!" His mother seethed silently, her sharp stare turning to Oliver. It was a lie. She didn't know about his tattoo until the day he had done it. But she didn't mind. She even complimented it. "Go to your room," she muttered, gaze softening a little before they turned icy again.

"What is wrong with you?!" His father. Oliver gulped, nodding and jogging up the stairs, not hearing her response but hearing his voice. He took a deep breath, going to turn on his music. It always kept the screaming match down. He sat back down against his headboard and rested back, shutting his eyes. Even if his music was blaring on the room, he could hear the faint shouts. He bit his tongue. He opened his eyes just in time to see his door opening, his little brother padding in, gripping his pillow. It was funny how both of them had the same defeated look, just wishing that it would end.

Tom climbed up on the bed, crawling up on Oliver's lap and sitting down, resting his head on his chest. Oliver sighed, one arm wrapping around Tom's torso whilst he thread threaded his fingers through his short hair.

"Were you asleep?" He asked gently, heart heavy. Tom shook his head, shrinking a little.

"I was drawing," he mumbled, clutching his pillow closer. They both sighed, synchronised. They chuckled a bit, together still before it died down, hearing their mother's loud voice. Oliver got up and turned on the speaker, plugging his phone on so it was louder. Then he got back on the bed, they both getting back on their position.

It was sad how common that was. Oliver was sad because Tom didn't deserve that. Nor did he. But he was starting to question that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sexual content but nothing too much ig

Oliver wavered through the crowd awkwardly, searching up for anyone. He had managed to find Josh by his locked, engrossed on his phone. Oliver padded up to him, walking around and looking over his shoulder.

"Who are you texting?" He mumbled behind Joshua, making him jump and hide his phone quickly. Josh whipped around, his eyes wide and even a little guilty.

"Uh, hey!" He chuckled awkwardly, scratching his neck. Oliver quirked one eyebrow.

"Why so secretive?" Oliver asked, crossing his arms. Josh's eyes widened.

"I'm not!" He shouted, shrinking a little once he saw a few heads turn to then. "I, um, I'm not," he said quietly, biting his lip. Oliver furrowed his eyebrows but then Josh frowned, taking in his appearance.

"Hey man, have you been sleeping lately?" Josh stared at Oliver concernedly, his BFF's instinct kicking in. Oliver breathed out silently. He hoped it wasn't obvious.

"No, not really." Oliver dismissed it with a shrug, going to walk to class while Josh did the same.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you sleep?" There it was. The two million dollar question.

Oliver bit his tongue. Because I feel guilty for destroying my family, he wanted to say. Because I don't feel myself and haven't for a while.

"Oh, you know. Jerking off," he chuckled jokingly. Lying had a bitter taste. Especially when it was to Josh.

"Oh?" Josh chuckled. "Do it another time, dude. Your dick won't fall off," Josh bumped his shoulder with Oliver, both of them getting into the classroom and taking a seat. Oliver smiled and shook his head.

"Hey, I think I might be able to go to your house earlier today," Oliver spoke softly, them and all the other students waiting for the teacher to come in. Josh's eyes widened before he glanced at Oliver awkwardly.

"Uh, about that," Josh trailed off, taking a deep breath. "Do you think... Do you think we can... Cancel it?" Josh bit the inside of his cheek nervously, almost guiltily. Oliver blinked. He stared at Joshua.

Oliver was sort of surprised even if something inside of him was expecting it. On this last two weeks, Josh had been getting a bit distant; always on his phone and taking longer to answer when they weren't together. It hurt Oliver, honestly. He couldn't help but blame himself, too. All the relationships around him seemed to be failing and everyone seemed to be turning themselves away from him. The only reason he could find for it was himself.

"Oh..." Oliver mumbled. Josh let go of his bottom lip, now seeming more guilty than not. "Okay," Oliver shrugged. But maybe it was too late to hide the little pained glint on his eyes, even if he sent Josh a quick smile that was supposed to be reassuring.

"Dude-" maybe then Josh really considered cancelling his plans but Oliver cut him.

"Maybe tomorrow, then, hm?" Oliver quirked one eyebrow. "Then we'll have a Harry Potter marathon," he let a small smile play on his lips and it eased Josh.

Josh smiled and nodded.

"Okay." And the rest of the day went rather uneventful, despite Oliver seeming a little out of it. But Josh tried not to think much of it.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

Oliver laid in bed, bored out of his mind. He had scrolled through every social media he had and now he had nothing to do. Of course, he had a shit ton of homework but... No. He sighed. It was barely two pm yet. He blinked lazily and stood up. He grunted. He wanted to go to Joshua's. He knew that Josh cancelled their time together but he couldn't care less then. It's not like Josh had anything better to do.

So Oliver padded down the stairs, shrugging up a coat because the day was a little chill and began walking to Josh's. It was nice because Oliver didn't really have to tell anyone about where he was going since Tom was at their aunt's and their parents were at work. He liked being alone at home. It was peaceful.

But sometimes it was too quiet, so quiet that not even music would help. Unfortunately, today was one of these days. Maybe that's why he was going to Josh, so he didn't have to feel so alone anymore. Even if he had a feeling that maybe he wouldn't be welcomed. But eh.

So he just walked straight into the house, knowing that Josh was alone at home as well, and padded up to his room. He knew that Josh was actually at home because there was faint music coming from his room, just like most of the time. And he did what he always did; he burst into the room without knocking. He froze completely.

He shouldn't have done that, he should not have done that.

That was a completely new side of Joshua that Oliver wasn't sure he had ever wanted to see. Face completely flushed, eyes half-lidded, mouth parted as he moaned and whined, looking so pleased and delighted, back arched, thighs trembling, hands down, tangled on black long hair. Oh yeah, there was a dude with his face between Josh's thighs, too. Oliver could tell it was a dude since they both were naked.

Oliver couldn't move a muscle. Something inside of him had just shifted completely. His heart got too quick, his ears buzzing and his vision focused on one thing only. His legs felt like jelly, his interior was mush. Then, Josh shifted his head, eyes meeting Oliver's. His eyes widened, he gasped. And Oliver didn't see what else happened since he slammed the door shut, turning around and walking away quickly. He took a deep breath.

Oliver slammed the front door too on his way out, but he didn't really mean to do it. He wrapped his arms around himself and walked quicker. He felt funny inside. Fuzzy and buzzing a little, head stuck on Josh and Josh only. He gulped.

He couldn't help it. He couldn't help the way his mind not only kept replaying that moment but making some others much more scandalous, he couldn't help that there was a bitterness inside of him that he couldn't tell what was for, and he especially couldn't help how suddenly his loose jeans weren't that loose anymore. Fuck.

He was almost running as he felt his back pocket buzzing. He ignored it. He walked past his own house, he walked all the way up to a little park that was near their house, walking up to a little swing and plopping down, staring off into nothing. He felt uncomfortable, physically and mentally. He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes. His phone vibrated non-stop and he was sure it was Joshua but he didn't want to talk to him then; not when Oliver had a boner caused by him.

Now, Oliver was beyond confused. Boners weren't really frequent for him, even if he thought about women. Or men. God forbid, but Oliver really wasn't gay. He just wasn't straight either. But he had to be straight so he just went along. He didn't want to be different either. He couldn't be if he cared for himself.

So maybe it was understandable that he was getting freaked out over the fact that he was hard because of his friend, his _male_ best friend when he wouldn't get hard over anyone else. He was almost shaking. He opened his eyes. He gripped the chains of the swing and moved his body backwards. He started to swing.

It was too much. The guilt was already devouring him before and now this. He couldn't deal with this. So he wouldn't. The air pushed his curls out of his face, getting him to take deep breaths. The park was mainly empty at that time for some reason, but Oliver wasn't complaining. The sunlight streamed down on his skin, warming him up just a little, though his mind came up with a solution that left him cold.

Maybe he would feel bad at first but he was sure that Josh would find another best friend. He wondered if Josh would understand if Oliver spoke to him. He didn't want to find out.

It was decided, then. Oliver pulled out his phone, seeing yet another call from Josh. He declined. He unlocked his phone, going up to the contacts, getting another call. He declined again. With two more taps, Josh was blocked.

Oliver was already regretting his decision. But he wouldn't go back on it.


	8. Chapter 8

He was freaking out. He couldn't understand yet at the same time he thought he did. Josh felt mainly confused and yet guilty.

"Oliver, please talk to me," Josh pleaded weakly. Yet, just like Oliver had been doing for the past two days, he was ignored. Josh sighed. He padded away. He tried everything; apologizing, even if nothing was his fault, begging and even threatening – of course, his threats were weak, Oliver probably didn't care about him stealing his homework until Oliver talked to him. But he was trying. Not even his usual bothersome antics worked anymore.

The boys had taken notice of it. They said nothing. Hadn't until then.

"So, uh, what's up with him?" Dan whispered to Josh, nodding up to Oliver, that sat on the other side of the table. It was being like that and it was painful. Josh stopped, glanced at Oliver before his eyes fell down, a little heavy. He exhaled slowly.

"Uh... I don't- I don't know," Josh shrugged, fingers nervously tapping his own thighs. Dan furrowed his eyebrows. He nodded. Joshua was a terrible liar.

So Dan decided to shut up for now. Until he managed to catch Oliver alone, which wasn't that hard. 

"Hey, man," Daniel nodded at him with a smile, arm swinging upon Oliver's shoulder. Oliver glanced up at him and smiled, nodding.

"What's up?" Oliver took off one side of the earbud, gazing at Dan with one eyebrow quirked.

"So, I and the guys noticed that things seem... Weird between you and Josh. Everything okay?" He asked concerned. Oliver's little smile fell. He looked away. Dan frowned harder.

"Look, I gotta get going-"

"You know you can talk to me, right?" Dan interrupted him, seeming even more worried. Oliver glanced at him for a moment before he seemed troubled. He glanced around, blinking and sighing, shoulders slumping. 

"So... Well, you know how Josh's been keeping a secret, right?"

By the time Oliver finished telling, Dan was just staring at him with this weird face. He seemed serious. Oh boy.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

Joshua was frustrated. On every implication. Seeing as the only people who knew were Oliver and Nina, he had no one to talk about it. But then he remembered that there was someone else that could help him out.

So after Kellin had stopped by and helped Joshua to get rid of one of his frustrations and they were both cuddled up, Joshua began opening up to him and telling him all the drama that had happened to him since he came out. It was nice because Kellin seemed to be really listening to him, one arm around him, caressing his side while the other was playing with his curls. Josh finished speaking with a sigh, looking up at the man that had been quiet the entire time.

"You know," Kellin pronounced, fingers still messing with his hair. He shifted a little, looking down at Josh instead of the ceiling. "To me, it seems that he's just in denial." Josh blinked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Denial?" Josh repeated sceptically. "Denial of what?"

"Himself," Kellin shrugged. Josh snorted.

"That sounds stupid."

"Does it really?" Kellin countered. "I mean, think with me. At first, I thought he was just another shitty homophobe but think. If he was, he wouldn't still be trying to be your friend like he did; even if he fucked up more than once." Josh blinked, shifting so he wasn't lying on his side anymore, rather on his stomach, looking up at Kellin, chin on his chest. "The porn thing, him talking to me for you thing," Kellin hummed. "That was him trying. Maybe it triggered some curiosity inside of him and then he started questioning. Or," a small pause, a click of his tongue. "Maybe he already knew deep inside but you opened up his eyes when you came out, and now his head is a mess because his entire life he spent believing something completely different. And maybe him walking in on us made things more real."

There was a small moment of silence as Josh took what he said in, eyes intent on Kellin's exposed skin. 

"But... But I think I would've realised something like that. Wouldn't I?" He frowned, glancing up at Kellin questioning. Kellin shrugged. His hand left his hair, going down to rub his sides. 

"Maybe. Maybe not. Or he can possibly just be really good at hiding it. I mean, did he talk about girls with you?" Josh shook his head, blinking and sighing. "Boys?" Another head shake. "Huh. Interesting," Kellin mumbled to himself. Another moment of silence before Kellin sighed, hands stilling.

"Or maybe he just likes you."

Josh choked on nothing, coughing his lungs out. 

"What, no!" Josh sat up quickly, the thin sheet falling off their bodies, leaving them completely exposed to each other. Kellin quirked his eyebrows. His lips curled up in amusement.

"Denial," Kellin sang, chuckling to himself. Josh's eyes widened, his face unconsciously flushing red. "Apparently his feelings aren't one-sided, are they?"

"We don't have feelings for each other!" Josh shook his head quickly, making Kellin snort.

"Are you sure, buttercup?" Josh stared at him, looking scared. Kellin softened before he sighed. "You do know that there's nothing to fear with me, right?" Josh gulped, relaxing before he sat down, nibbling on his lip nervously. 

"Maybe... Maybe I do have feelings for him but... But it doesn't matter," he shook his head.

"Mhm, I think it does. I mean, I've walked in on people before and I just laughed it off," Kellin shrugged. "But if it was someone I had feelings for, my reaction would probably be pretty close to Oliver's." Josh stared at Kellin before he breathed out slowly, eyes casting down.

"Oh my," Josh exhaled. "What- what am I supposed to do?" 

"Talk to him," Kellin smiled, standing up and grabbing his clothes from the ground.

"I tried but... He won't listen." Kellin shrugged his shirt on, slipping his pants.

"Make him listen," he buckled his belt before he was padding up to Josh, leaning down to peck his lips quickly. "You got this, Joshua," he smiled. "But now I gotta go," he patted Josh's shoulder before he padded away, waving to Josh. "See ya, and tell me how it goes," he winked, shutting Josh's door on his way out. 

Josh stared at the door, sighing. Kellin was right. He nodded. He would make Oliver listen to him, whether he wanted or not. Josh had to know what was happening in that complicated little head of his.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is WILD i have NO idea what happened here
> 
> Mentions of sexual content again :P

Moans. Sweet, honey-like, low little moans were all he could hear. He was burning up everywhere.

"Oliver," a dragged out whisper. His neck was warm, he shivered at the heavy puffs on his skin. He groaned. He hasn't felt before but now he did, the limbs wrapped around him, tugging him closer, holding him, warming him in million different ways. He could feel his entire core burning up, especially his lower half.

He let out a little moan of his own, breathing deeply. Oliver shivered. 

"Please," a little groan, tightening every muscle around Oliver, making him sigh. Oliver pushed his body up a little, or so he felt he did, and glanced down.

He was absolutely adorable and erotic all the same. Face red, eyebrows furrowed, lips raw and parted, eyes narrowed and filled with a river of lust.

"Please," he breathed out again. His hands clutched Oliver's arms, his face so close that Oliver could see the sweat glistening on his skin. Oliver gulped. He felt himself twitching.

"Josh," Oliver groaned out, watching as he arched his back, eyes slipping shut completely, mouth parting even more. "Holy shit, Josh."

"Please," he breathed out again. "Please, just..." It was faint, Oliver wasn't even sure anymore if he actually heard it. Oliver let his eyes slip shut again. Josh's limbs seemed to loosen, slowly letting go of Oliver.

"Josh," Oliver exhaled, gulping and letting his head fall down.

"Please talk to me." This time came a bit more broken, more pleading, more desperate. Oliver furrowed his eyebrows. "Please. I can't lose my best friend." Oliver still felt his body burning but this time, there was no more warmth surrounding him. But it didn't make him cool down at all. "Please, Oliver. Don't tell them. Don't." Faint, getting fainter and fainter until Josh just wasn't there anymore. Now all that stayed was the impression of him along with growing guilt as he remembered Daniel.

Oliver took a deep breath, eyes snapping open quickly. The ceiling. Nothing but the ceiling. It was still a little dark. His eyes slipped shut before he inhaled again, gulping. For some reason, he could feel a heaviness on the room. Or maybe it was just himself. Oliver sighed. He slowly sat up, opening his eyes. But then he froze.

Oliver could see with the dim sunlight that Josh's eyes were wide, staring at him intently. His lips were parted a little in surprise, just like Oliver's. They stared at each other for what seemed ages, though it was just a few seconds before Joshua stood up from Oliver's chair, padding up to him and sitting down on the bed, still staring at him silently.

"What- what are you doing here?" Oliver sputtered out quickly, suddenly aware. He quickly grabbed a pillow, holding it on his lap with a mix of terror and awkwardness on his face. Josh said nothing, only stared. "Joshua- Joshua what the hell-"

"Were you having a wet dream with me?" Josh blurted out quickly, blinking a few times before he shifted, gaze not once leaving Oliver's. 

Oliver's face flushed, his eyes widening.

"No, no, of course not!" He sputtered out, shifting backwards so his back was on the wall. His heart felt like it would jump out of his chest at any damn second then. Especially when Josh shifted even closer. Oliver's breath hitched once he saw Josh reaching down for the pillow, glancing at it before glancing at Oliver with those smothering ocean eyes.

Josh slowly took the pillow off, still staring straight into Oliver's eyes before his eyes flickered down and he quirked one eyebrow, looking back at Oliver. 

Oliver could have died of embarrassment, then. 

"You were mumbling my name," Josh stated. Oliver shrunk a little before he shook his head once.

"Was not."

"You were," Josh whispered, eyes still intent on Oliver. At the same time that it made Oliver want to run, it made him want to give himself even more at them. So much that Oliver was unconsciously leaning in. "Oliver," Josh breathed out. "Do you- do you like me?" The mumble was so quiet that Oliver could barely hear. 

Oliver gulped.

"Of course, you're my friend," he placed his hands on his lap, cheeks still too red. Josh sighed, shaking his head.

"You know I didn't ask like that." He shifted closer, eyes intent, piercing and picking Oliver piece by piece. Oliver shuttered a little, licking his lips.

"N-no," Oliver said. You know, like a liar. Josh's gaze softened. He leaned in, eyes soft and warm and welcoming, making Oliver melt on them and his eyes widen. 

"Joshua?" Oliver breathed out, his heart hitching as Josh's flickered to his lips. Oh god. 

Josh's breathing fanned over his lips, his eyes getting heavy, mind wondering and fantasising about feeling them, tasting them. 

"Josh..." 

"Tell me the truth, Oliver," a silent whisper, pleading in every different way, each meaning behind that question accumulating tauntingly atop Oliver's shoulders. He swallowed. "Do you?"

It was obvious, though. To Oliver, that is. The way that his heart was so quick on his chest, the way that his hands were almost trembling just with the possibility of being so close to Joshua, the way he could barely catch his breath... It dawned on Oliver, then, that yes, he did like Joshua more than he thought and maybe it wasn't just in a lustful way. He wanted Joshua in more ways than he had already. Oliver breathed out, eyes falling heavy. His heart tightened as he watched Joshua's, so hopeful and almost joyful, seeming so certain of himself...

"No," he swallowed. "I don't like you, Josh. Not like that."

Josh's face fell. Oliver gulped, watching him blink away the surprise and hope. Suddenly, the entire air had shifted to something a little harsher. His heart had sunk on his chest, watching Josh's slightly desolated eyes before he was smiling at Oliver, chuckling.

"Okay," he nodded, backing away. And Oliver sort of regretted it already because he wanted Joshua closer, not farther. But he couldn't like Josh like that. He just couldn't. He didn't want to like him like that. "Anyways, you gotta get up soon," Josh glanced at the bedside table, marking up 6 am. He stood up, hands going to his pocket, looking at anywhere but Oliver. Rejection was a bitch. "I just got here, you know? Like, five minutes before you woke up," Josh nodded, hesitantly glancing at Oliver. "I was waiting for you to wake up so we could sort things out." 

Oliver's face fell with realisation again, wincing.

"Uh, about that... Joshua," Oliver took a deep breath, licking his lips. "I... I told Dan."

Josh blinked, tilting his head.

"Told Dan what?" Oh god, why did it have to feel so hard? Oliver cleared his throat.

"I told him that... That you're gay."

If Oliver felt bad before, he sure as hell felt worse now. Josh's expression melted completely into rage and disbelief.

"You... What? Are you- are you fucking with me?!" Josh stared at Oliver with wide disbelieving eyes. He gasped, huffing, his stare turning fearful, angry. "Oliver, what the fuck?!" His voice sounded disheartening, creaking and betrayed. He seemed betrayed. 

"I'm sorry," Oliver mumbled.

"Are you? Are you really? God, fuck, what is it with you?" Josh grunted, glaring heatedly at Oliver. Josh marched up to Oliver, raising his hand up to his forehead and flicking him hard. Oliver winced, hand going up to his head.

"Did- did you just flick me?"

"Yes! You idiot!" Josh snarled, shaking his head before he was dragging his hands on his face. "Jesus fucking Christ, Oliver!"

Oliver stood up, cautiously. 

"I really am sorry. I just, I needed someone to talk about this!" Oliver grasped his arm, biting his lip softly. He felt guilty like he had done something really bad. He had, but... 

"I'm right here! You can talk to me! I told you!" Josh groaned, making different gests with his hands before he was grabbing Oliver by the shoulders and shaking him hard. "You dumb fuck!"

Oliver gasped, holding Josh's arms before he stood there, dizzy. 

"I'm-"

"Fuck off! You know what?" Josh stepped back. He shook his head, fingers weaving through his curls. "No, fuck it. I'm going home. Things better not go to shit because I swear to fucking god if I lose a friend because you can't keep your bloody mouth shut..." His harsh glare held an unspoken threat. With another stressed grunt and a disappointed glare, he was quickly storming away from there. Oliver winced, biting his lip before he slowly fell back down on the bed, sighing.

Well, that's one way to start your day.


	10. Chapter 10

Joshua sat down on the ground, against the wall, eyes intent on the clock beside his bed, chewing on his nails. He was all curled up, dread filling him as every minute went by.

After he stormed off of Oliver's, he quickly tried texting Kellin to let him know what Oliver had done, but that wanker was asleep. Josh knew he wouldn't be up at least until eight since he had to work. Turns out that when they met him, Kellin was actually applying to a job on the tattoo shop. And Josh being Josh, already having a strong friendship bond formed with him, knew how lazy he could be. So he sat on the floor of his room, silently freaking out.

Had Dan told everyone? Would they react as Oliver did? Worse? Would they leave him behind? Would they ignore him? Would they tell everyone too? Would they tease him in a bad way? Would they turn on him? Josh took a deep breath. He had to get up and face it. He didn't want to but he couldn't hide forever. He stood up slowly. He had to get going otherwise he would be late to school. Maybe if he just missed one day...

No. He had to face it. Josh scratched his chest, biting his lip, eyes wandering quickly, anxiously through his messy room. It'll be okay. It had to. Though he couldn't push away the panic tightening his stomach. 

It never left, the anxiety. He felt it worsening the closer he got to school, his nails completely off by now. He felt like he couldn't breathe once he got there, though. He was paranoid as if every eye was on him, though people didn't even glance twice on his way.

He walked to his locker, all shrunken up and glancing nervously around as if he was hiding something. But he got on his locker safely, nothing different from the routine which helped him calm down just enough. He got his books and stuff he needed for the rest of the class. Then he shut the locker. His anxiety skyrocketed once again, he shivered and his eyes widened fearfully.

Daniel stood there, staring at him intently, arms crossed and lips pursed. Josh's breath hitched, shoulders dropping as he clutched his things closer to his body, watching as Dan only stared at him.

Dan sighed, arms dropping to his sides before he padded closer to Josh, making him flinch. Dan paid no mind to it, slowly bringing his arms up and wrapping them around Josh's shoulders.

Josh was frozen, eyes shut tightly, almost trembling as he waited for something bad. But after a few moments, he realized that that was nothing but a simple hug. Josh breathed out, arms slowly dropping to his sides as he allowed himself to melt on Dan's arms.

"It's okay, mate," Dan mumbled after a few seconds. "I accept you. Don't be afraid of me, ever." He pulled back, bringing Josh to shoulder-length distance, looking into his eyes.

Those simple words were powerful enough to make every bad feeling that Josh had evaporate. His lips curled up genuinely, eyes crinkling softly before he was nodding, thankful.

"Thank you," he whispered, making Dan smile before he was hugging him again, quickly, before he patted his shoulder, letting go.

"It's fine, man," he shrugged. "Now," Dan punched Josh's shoulder weakly, a playful glare on his face. "You should have told me," he sighed disappointedly. Josh breathed out, lips curled up.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "It's just scary doing it," Josh shrugged. "But I would do it, in time." 

Dan nodded, "you better," he smirked, chuckling a little. "You plan on telling the others? I'm pretty sure they don't care either."

Josh felt glad about that reassurance, though he still felt nervous with the thought. He shrugged.

"I... Maybe not today. Today's been hectic enough already." Dan smiled sympathetically, sighing. 

"Okay. Take your time, man. Anyways, I gotta get going." Another smile and pat on the shoulder and Dan was walking away. Josh sighed. That went better than he expected it to go. 

Maybe things were starting to look up to him.

By the time they were on their break, all on their table, things weren't much different from the other days. Only this time Oliver had tried talking to Joshua only to be ignored. He had gotten a taste of his own medicine and he hated it. He promised himself to never put Josh - or anyone else - through it. It hurt his heart and he couldn't think about anything else but that's what he wanted, right? Distance so he could get over those... Blasphemous feelings of his. 

Though he couldn't help but miss Joshua more than he did before.

Oliver sighed, nibbling on his sandwich as he watched Josh talking away happily with Dan. He was glad that their friendship wasn't broken down because of his stupid mistakes but it made him feel like shit knowing that he could so easily be replaced. It put things in perspective and he for a moment wondered if it would be the same for the others or even worse; his own parents. He wondered how easily could everyone replace him. But he pushed the thought away quickly because it was unhealthy and he felt selfish for even thinking like that. 

After a few moments, he realised that Josh was more nervous than not while Dan seemed encouraging. Then Josh stood up, clearing his throat. The guys all stopped talking and glanced at him questioningly, while Oliver's eyes widened. He had a feeling that he knew what was happening.

"Okay, so," Josh breathed out shakily, making Dan put his hand on his back and rub it. "So, uh... Guys... I've been keeping this from you and I've known it for while and... Well, you see..." Josh took a deep breath, making the others more worried and confused. Josh rarely was one to be nervous. 

"Take your time," Dan mumbled silently, still rubbing his back. Josh glanced at him gratefully and sighed, his shoulders dropping. 

"I'm gay," Josh said simply. Then he glanced anxiously around the table. Seeing different reactions – shock, surprise and wonder, mainly.

"So that's why you dated Nina," Jordan said after a while, a smile starting to play on his lips. "Because she was a dick."

Josh snorted, chuckling before he was trying to hide it behind his hand. It got a chuckle out of the others too, which eased Josh even more. But then he glanced at Oliver and furrowed his eyebrows. He seemed... Sad. Josh didn't really understand but he didn't have the chance to ask either.

"Seeing any pretty boys?" Max winked suggestively, making Josh laugh at how weird he seemed doing that. Josh flushed, gazing away bashfully.

"Holy shit, you are!" Nichols exclaimed, leaning forward on his seat. 

"Damn!" Dan howled. "This fucker can get girls and boys and I can barely catch the flu!"

They laughed and chatted normally. Josh was really happy and comfortable, feeling stupid for even having those fears he had before. Meanwhile, Oliver just felt awful. That's how he should have reacted and he definitely shouldn't feel so bitter and sad about Josh's possible new boyfriend.

"We should meet him sometime," Lee noted, a small smile on his beautiful face. 

"O-oh! I mean, we're not official or anything and... There's no fee-"

"Bullshit!" Max sang. "Let us give the boy those best friends talk."

A chorus of 'yeah!'s went around, making Josh flush even harder.

"Okay," Josh accepted bashfully, making Oliver's insides churn.

He didn't know if he could do this. But he had to be there to support Joshua. He just didn't know if he could handle the jealousy- no, not jealousy. Oliver had nothing to be jealous of. He couldn't handle the... The things he felt by seeing Josh with someone else.

Oliver was doomed.


	11. Chapter 11

Saturday was the day. Oliver definitely wasn't looking forward to it, unlike Joshua and even Kellin.

"I've got it!" Kellin sauntered into Josh's house. Josh told him the door was open and for him to make himself at home since everyone was out. Josh sat up, quirking one eyebrow at Kellin. He clapped. "Jealousy is a pretty little thing," Kellin tsked, a devilish smirk forming on his face. Josh furrowed his eyebrows.

"How come?" Kellin sat down beside Josh, throwing his legs on top of Josh's lap.

"Well, my friend," Kellin placed his hands behind his head, staring at Joshua smugly. "We know that Oliver likes you, so let's push that."

"Kellin... I'm not following," Josh stared at him dumbly, making Kellin chuckle. Kellin sat up, pulling his legs so they were on the ground and he was leaning close to Josh.

"Baby, we need to make him jealous. Show him what he's lost, ya know?" Josh's eyes widened before he nodded hesitantly.

"Are- are you sure that gonna work?" Josh bit his lip slightly, staring up at Kellin with those doe eyes. Kellin shrugged, still smug.

"Nothing is certain," Kellin started. "But it's worth a try. What do we have to lose? Nothing!" Kellin stared at Joshua expectantly, watching as he gazed dubiously at him. Josh sighed, nodding.

"You're right. But what if it-" Kellin placed his pointer finger between Josh's lips before he was smiling, leaning in to peck his finger.

"Don't think about the what if's, angel," Kellin hummed, wrapping his arms around Joshua and tugging him close. "That will only worry you unnecessarily. Now let's make a plan."

And Joshua smiled a little, quickly easing up to the idea. Hopefully, things wouldn't backlash at them.

And then they started the first step of their plan, which they got Dan to help. That boy was a sucker for drama and he wanted Oliver and Joshua to be happy so he was more than glad to help. Dan had texted them to let them know that Oliver was already at the dinner along with everyone else. Kellin and Joshua were fashionably late because they thought it would be cooler - Kellin sorta wanted to imply to Oliver that they were 'busy' together, which would definitely spark envy in Oliver.

Kellin and Dan both paid special attention to Oliver's reaction as they got into the place with Kellin's arm tightly around Josh's waist and Josh's around his. Kellin also had made sure to get his outfit on point; tight black jeans that accentuated his pretty curves. Joshua had a feeling that it wasn't just for Oliver's benefit but he wasn't complaining.

Dan smirked a tiny bit at how those hazel eyes lightened up at the sight of Joshua but darkened at the sight of Kellin. He quickly whooped out his phone, texting Kellin. Sure, Joshua was playing a part in that plan too but they all agreed that the less he knew the easier it would be for him to pretend, so Dan and Kellin would take care of it themselves.

Kellin pocked vibrated and he glanced at Dan, both mirroring each other's smirks.

"There's our man!" Max exclaimed, cheering.

"And there's our man's man!" Dan said even louder, laughing to himself. Josh glanced up and saw that Oliver seemed plainly annoyed. He smiled a little bit. The guys cheered, chuckling.

Dan had reserved then both a spot right in front of Oliver, making Kellin nod in approval. They both sat down, quickly engaging in small talks.

Joshua didn't take his eyes off of Kellin for a second for a better measure - he thought that Oliver would get even more pissed if so.

And so as they talked to Kellin about himself, he gave his all to brag about every little thing he could. Oliver was really getting pissed and out of place especially since he saw Kellin as an idiotic narcissist unlike apparently everyone else. Oliver wasn't even trying to talk, simply fooling around on his phone - mostly rolling his home screen up and down since he had nothing better to do. He would look up from time to time to see Joshua giving those heart eyes to Kellin while he hung off of his arm. It made Oliver shift uncomfortably and roll his eyes, huffing because he wasn't Kellin- no, because... Because Joshua looked like a lovesick puppy, it was gross.

Yeah, that's why.

Dan chuckled silently, giving Kellin a look. Kellin smiled widely, tugging Joshua even closer. Just then, he made eye contact with Oliver. He let out a small, gentle kiss on top of Joshua's forehead. He knew that Josh was a sucker for those and usually got all shy because of those gentle kisses, so Kellin hoped that he would blush or something. Josh did. Kellin kept staring at Oliver with that knowing, smug stare.

Josh realised that Oliver watched them rather intently, so he slowly raised his head, giving Kellin a soft smile, which he mirrored before Kellin leaned in, pecking his lips softly.

Oliver's face fell before he was standing up abruptly.

"I'm gonna pee," he mumbled, quickly walking away to the bathroom. Dan felt a little bad because Oliver seemed pretty hurt but Kellin's reassuring look put him at ease.

Now for part two. Josh nodded at them both, standing up and going after Oliver. Kellin smiled, resting back while Dan nodded to himself. They just had to wait.

Joshua shut the bathroom door behind him, seeing Oliver by the sink, washing his face. Josh smiled a little bit, going to stand beside him.

Oliver looked up and rolled his eyes, making Josh's smile fall and it made him frown.

"What was that for?" Josh mumbled, staring at Oliver through the mirror. Oliver rolled his eyes again, shaking his head. He made a motion to leave the bathroom but Josh stood in front of him, his frown deepening. "No, what's wrong?" Oliver scoffed.

"Nothing's wrong," he said dryly. Josh softened a little, still not letting Oliver pass.

"Don't lie to me, what is it?" Josh came closer, looking at his face intently, caringly. Oliver grit his teeth.

"I said nothing's wrong, Joshua!" Oliver shouted accidentally, flapping his arms around. Josh quirked his eyebrows, giving Oliver the look that Josh knew annoyed him to no end, his bitch face.

Oliver almost growled, suddenly jolting even closer to Joshua, his eyes set on a glare.

"Fine!" Oliver snapped. "You wanna know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong!" Oliver grabbed Joshua's shoulders roughly, shaking him a little. "That boy! He's just a narcissistic arsehole who's no good! He and that stupid American accent, okay?! He's up to no good!" Oliver shook him a little bit. Josh winced, gripping Oliver's wrists before he was frowning.

"Well, you don't know that!" Joshua defended, seeming annoyed himself. It seemed to piss Oliver even more.

"Yes, I do! You're not supposed to be with him!" Oliver spat, clenching his fists above Josh's shoulder.

"Why not?!" Joshua demanded. Now he was getting pissed, already regretting that entire thing. "Why can't I be with him, huh?! Is it because we're both du-"

"Because you're supposed to be with me!" Oliver roared loudly, suddenly bringing Joshua much closer than before, their raging breathing on each other's lips, their noses touching. Joshua's eyes widened and a small gasp left his lips, his growing anger quickly disappearing. "You're supposed to be with me but I'm fucking scared of what my father will do, okay?! I'm fucking terrified! But it fucking hurts to see you with him and at this point I don't care anymore!"

Joshua gaped at him. He wasn't expecting the plan to actually work, he thought it would completely backlash on them. His eyes fluttered a little. Oliver just clenched his jaw harder. Joshua seemed calm, way too calm. He didn't want that. He wanted Joshua to snap at him, to put him back in his place. He wanted Joshua to hurt him with his words so he could find a way to make all those feelings disappear, to get through his mind that he could never possibly have Joshua.

Only that's not what happened. With a swift move, Joshua had his lips pressed on Oliver's. With a swift movement, Oliver stopped working. The raging flame inside of him seemed to quickly melt away giving space to billions and billions of flutters inside his chest and stomach. His fists unclenched and his hard face melted into deep surprise, his eyes widening and his breath hitching.

Joshua had his eyes shut, his hands slowly unclenching from around Oliver's wrists, letting their arms drop down beside them, a small sigh escaping him. Joshua pulled back slowly, his eyes slowly fluttering open to stare at Oliver with a small smile. He waited for any sort of reaction, his heart pounding on his chest, his entire core buzzing. Now it was Oliver's turn to gape at Joshua.

"Did- did you- Josh- you-" Oliver sputtered quickly and messily, his face slowly earning a bright red colour along with Joshua's. He slowly brought his hand up to touch his own lips, seeming in a trance. Josh smiled, laughing a little. Oliver seemed to snap out of it, his stare intently on Joshua's face before he let out a small noise, hands falling down. Oliver quickly leaned in again.

His hands went to Josh's waist, tugging him as close as he could be, his lips melting with Joshua's, puzzling rather perfectly with his. Josh let out a little sound, placing his hands on Oliver's shoulders, moving in sync with him, slowly tracing his tongue on Oliver's bottom lip. Oliver sighed, body relaxing as he parted his lips, hands slowly moving to Josh's lower back, a cold, a good kind of cold, taking over him while Oliver was holding him in place. Josh's hands moved to his neck and hair, gently gripping his strands, tilting his head so their tongues could caress each other with a gentle want.

Oliver was almost trembling. There were no more worries on his head. It was as if they had suddenly evaporated and gone away. It felt right, it didn't felt disgusting, far from it. It felt so damn good to be that close with Joshua, to be kissing him and holding him like that that he shivered. Oliver felt high, almost. And Joshua was no different. Sure, whenever he kissed Kellin, his heart would flutter but it was because Kellin was the first real kiss he had, with Oliver felt completely different. His feelings were going like a bat out of hell all the way to heaven, he felt so damn nice. Joshua loved that feeling.

Oliver sighed, Joshua hummed. Maybe, just maybe things were losing part of the slowness to give room to more intensity, Oliver's arms tightening even more along with Joshua's fingers on his hair.

"Hey, did you kill- holy fucking shit!" They pulled apart quickly. Then it dawned, finally, on Oliver.

He just... He just kissed Joshua.

 _Fuck_.

"I told you it would work!" Kellin cheered. Joshua bit his lip, shying away a little as he nodded, face flushed deeply. Then he glanced at Oliver, shrinking a little fearfully. What would Oliver do now? He looked pale, really pale. Sickly pale. It made Joshua's heart sink a little. He expected the worse.

Oliver glanced away from Kellin, gulping dryly. He turned his stare at Joshua before he exhaled. Oliver looked away from both guys before he was quickly making his way out of there hastily. Kellin blinked, watching him with a quirked eyebrow before he turned his look to Josh. His face softened.

"Oh, baby," Kellin mumbled, padding up to Josh. He looked miserable. Kellin involved him in a warm hug, clutching him tightly to his chest. Joshua inhaled sharply. "Things will be okay," Kellin hummed.

"Just... Let's just go back out there," Josh whispered, head on Kellin's shoulder. Kellin sighed before he nodded.

"Are you okay?" Kellin asked gently. Josh nodded, not meeting his eyes before he was tugging Kellin out of there and back to their table. They sat down, Kellin rubbing Josh's back softly. Josh smiled a little at him before he tried glancing at Oliver. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Where's Oliver?" Josh questioned Lee, that slurped his milkshake. Lee gazed up at him.

"Oh, he just left. He said that his mom needed him," Lee shrugged, smiling a little. Josh nodded.

He felt a small spark of worry and maybe even guilt strike him but he pushed it down. He would just enjoy now the time with his friends. Oliver was probably okay. Right? Maybe he just needed to process what happened.

It was all fine, Joshua kept telling himself. But he started wondering if Oliver didn't even want that at all.

Maybe he shouldn't have kissed Oliver first.


	12. Chapter 12

Blank. Completely blank. Despite the few posters plastered on Oliver's wall, all he could see was the white wall. His mind was empty. No thought, good or bad, dared to possibly cross his mind.

Confusion was nothing compared to the feeling that Oliver felt. The things he heard about dudes kissing made it all seem like the worst sin of sins, it made him shiver in disgust before, it made it all seem something close to eating horse's shit. Kissing Joshua felt like the exact opposite of it all. It was as if an angel had gently cradled Oliver on their arms with the purest intention and flapped their wings all the way up to heaven, leaving him on paradise. It uncaged things inside of him that he wasn't aware that he could possibly ever feel, it made him taste the true freedom. It messed with his head as if a hurricane had swept into his moralities and everything he had been told to believe. 

Oliver wasn't sure what to feel or what to believe anymore. 

In a way, Oliver was thinking, actually – with tingly lips and flutter on his tummy, even the soft feeling of Joshua's nose gently pressed on his cheek, his breath hitting his skin on the most delicate way, his fingers sliding and threading through his hair, the way his tongue would rub against his in a gentle, slow, desired dance, it all made his mind go blank in a way it never had before although his brain would replay everything that had happened with utmost detail.

Oliver had never wished for something as bad as he wished to feel Joshua kissing him like that again. Really, Oliver was ready to simply give no single fucks anymore, ready to simply raise up his middle finger to his smothering fears since, with Joshua, he could breathe just wonderfully. He liked Joshua. He really liked Joshua.

But there was something still stopping him and this time, it wasn't himself. No, the barrier between Joshua and him was big and it had a name.

Kellin.

At the moment that Oliver allowed himself to crack his walls, that boy was the last thing on his mind. But it hit him and it hit him hard once Kellin walked in on him French kissing his boyfriend. It hit him so hard that it made him fall from the heaven that the angel had so nicely put him on straight into an ocean, stealing not only his breath but his thoughts along the way, leaving only the impression of his instincts. 

So maybe saying that his mind was empty wasn't as appropriate, maybe saying that he was just underwater would be a better analogy. He possibly wasn't confused either, just dumbfounded. Or both. Who knows what was happening on that head of his. And although he didn't know how to feel about anything, he was still feeling and he was feeling it harshly.

A slight vibration from his phone snapped him from his daze, making him blink several times and glance at it on the bed beside him before he was looking away from it and back at the wall. He wasn't ready to talk to anyone. He had to get himself sorted because insanity was slowly but surely starting to creep up on his skull. Although he didn't really have a choice once his door busted open.

Oliver's eyes flickered to the door, feeling a tinge of hope and anxiety inside his chest, though he was left with a sense of both relief and disappointment. It wasn't Joshua. It was Daniel, standing there with this look on his face that was oddly specific. His face said 'I don't understand what is happening but I have a feeling that it was you and I'm ready to get angry at you when I understand what the actual fuck is happening'. Oddly specific, I know. 

Dan quickly waddled into the room, plopping down on the bed, staring intently at Oliver. Though Oliver glanced away from him, face expressionless. 

"Talk, bitch," Dan urged, shifting so he faced Oliver, one leg on the bed and the other on the ground. Oliver sighed softly, leaning his head on the wall as he let his eyes focus on Dan. Things went quiet for a stretched second, a silence that Dan knew Oliver would break eventually. Dan could see that he was trying to gather his thoughts for a moment before he shook his head.

"There's nothing to talk about," Oliver mumbled, letting his head hang to the other side, staring out at the window. Dan sighed. 

"C'mon mate, don't be difficult. What's going on on that dumb little head of yours?" Dan exasperated playfully at first before he sounded more serious by the end, a caring tone taking over. Oliver's eyes heaved for a moment before he was shaking his head again, eyes still trained on the window. Dan groaned. "Don't make me get on my knees, man," Daniel joked, his little smile falling quickly once he saw that there was no reaction; no little corner smile, no eyebrows furrowing, no scrunched up nose in disgust. There was nothing. 

Dan shifted a little, gently punching Oliver's arm.

"Oliver," he called softly. "You're worrying me," a mumbled confession. Oliver's eyes flickered lazily to Dan before he huffed slowly. A gulp and Oliver was sitting up straight, bringing his covered knee up to rest his elbow on. The silence started again, a little more serious as Dan watched intently, concernedly as Oliver let his eyes fall down on his own lap, fingers fiddling with the blankets. 

"Joshua..." Oliver started with an exhale. "Joshua kissed me," Oliver stated. It made him furrow his eyebrows because saying it out loud didn't make him feel guilty or disgusted, no, it made him... It made him warm. Oliver felt warm for admitting it. Dan hummed.

"I know," Dan mumbled. "Is that why you left?" Oliver glanced up at him before he was gazing down again, nodding. "Why?" Dan tilted his head, propping his leg up to rest his chin on. 

"Why why?" Oliver furrowed his eyebrows. "Daniel, Kellin walked in on us," Oliver may or may not had spat Kellin's name. Dan quirked his eyebrow.

"Is that why you ran? Because someone walked in on you?" Dan spoke, an underlying judgemental edge on his voice. He looked a little annoyed. That was what Joshua had to deal with? Damn, he deserved a trophy for his patience. Oliver rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw. At that moment he knew that if it was a stranger he couldn't have given more fucks but although Kellin was a stranger to him, he definitely wasn't one for Joshua.

"No, Daniel," Oliver spoke bitterly, sounding just as annoyed. "Because his boyfriend walked in on us," Oliver clicked his tongue, watching bored as realization crossed Dan's face.

"Oh..." Dan mumbled, making Oliver roll his eyes again. "You do know that they're not really together, don't you?" Oliver blinked, quirking his eyebrows, biting harshly on the inside of his mouth.

"No?" He asked, the sarcasm pretty loud. "So all those kisses and giddy blushes yesterday were nothing?" Oliver asked nonchalantly. It was then that Daniel realised that maybe the plan wasn't a good idea at all. Even if Oliver tried to hide, it was impossible to miss the sourness and hurt throbbing on his stare, which Dan had dismissed completely on the day prior. Dan flinched, pursing his lips awkwardly.

"Well... Yes. They did mean nothing," Dan spoke carefully. Oliver scoffed a bitter chuckle. 

"Yeah, it sure as fucking hell it seemed like it," Oliver shifted his stare back to the window, wounded eyes glued on the glass as the remorse crept harder on his bones. Oliver had thrown his chance away. But then Joshua just had to give Oliver a little taste of him, knowing that it would make Oliver want much more than just a little slice and that he couldn't have him anymore. Revenge tasted bitter, karma was a bitch. Oliver clenched his jaw harder, eyes swimming with a regretful sorrow and anger directed to himself. 

Daniel felt like shit. To put it simply.

"Oliver, they're really not together, okay?" Dan bit his lip a little, sympathetic. Oliver turned his head to glare coldly at Daniel, making him shift awkwardly under his stare.

"Yeah, and Josh is straight, you're gay, Rihanna sucks," Oliver widened his eyes purposefully, nodding in a really fake shock before his expression morphed back into that pained, sad, angrily numbness. "Just get out, Daniel," Oliver mumbled, letting his eyes drift to the ceiling. Dan scratched the back of his neck, shrugging his lips.

"Listen to me, Oliver," Dan muttered, voice sounding a little bitter. But it wasn't bitter because he was getting fed up with Oliver but rather because he was guilty that the plan had actually backlashed and it may have been pretty bad. "They're just fu-"

"Just. Stop." Oliver shut his eyes tightly, raising his hands up in a stop motion before one of them pinched the space between his eyes. "You giving me hope is just going to... Is just going to make it... Worse, okay? Don't. I'm sorry but don't," Oliver ended in a weak mumble, hand dropping back on his lap as his eyes fluttered open.

Dan physically winced when he saw them flooding. He opened his mouth to say something but Olived cut him quickly.

"I... I like," Oliver swallowed. "I like Joshua, okay?" He spoke weakly. "I know. Unexpected, right?" A weak, humourless chuckle. "But... It took me too long to... To accept it," Oliver breathed out, his eyes getting even more drenched to the point where he had to bite his lip to stop him from making his voice crack. "And now I just... I just can't have him anymore," his voice cracked anyway but he shrugged, clearing his throat. "He has someone else now. He... He seems happy," Oliver inhaled sharply. "I don't want to make him miserable like I kept doing over and over. Joshua doesn't deserve that." Daniel watched with a heavy soul and clenched fists as Oliver's lips began to quiver and his face flush, though it made Dan want to cry as a single tear dramatically slid down from the middle of Oliver's eye down his cheek and chin.

"Oliver..." Dan winced sadly. But he said nothing more because he knew that Oliver wouldn't believe him. He knew that no matter what he said, Oliver's head was set on how Joshua was completely out of reach and now he could do nothing about it. 

Oliver lost it. His face scrunched up and he began to tremble a little as the gathered tears began streaming down his skin, not daring to let any sound out. Oliver tugged his legs up so he could bury his face on his knees, hands covering his face. Dan could feel his heart squeezing painfully guiltily on his chest as he moved to sit down beside Oliver, clutching him close to his chest.

"I'm so stupid," Oliver cried out, letting his hands drop down before he was clutching his own arms, head on Dan's shoulder. "He asked me and, and I lied- I- I said that- that I didn't but- but I do and-" and that point Oliver wasn't making any sense anymore, though he still tried to explain himself through hitched and heavy breaths. 

Daniel shushed him softly, holding him tightly. He was such a shitty friend. No, he wasn't but he felt like it. He inhaled sharply. Fuck the consequences, Oliver had to know.

"Oliver, it was all-" his phone interrupted him loudly, making him huff. He planned on ignoring it.

"You can," Oliver gulped. "You can pick up," he stuttered weakly, rubbing his face with his hands. Dan bit his lip. He didn't want to but he did anyway because Oliver clearly was ashamed of breaking down like that and wanted the attention out of himself. Dan sighed, grabbing it from his back pocket and answering. He felt his heart sinking quickly.

"Hey, dude," Josh said softly yet loudly on the tensely silent room. Dan winced hard, eyes widening.

He needed to start checking the ID's.

"Hey, I'm busy right now," Dan answered nervously, glancing down at Oliver. He had his eyes scrunched shut and he seemed to be trembling a little harder. But he wanted to wait because it might be important.

"Oh no, it's okay! Kellin and I just wanted to thank you for, you know, helping us with Oliver! I think-" 

Oh, fuck.

Oliver pushed himself off Dan hastily so he was standing, a loud broken sob escaping his lips. Dan's face fell even worse and his heart just might have broken at the betrayal and agonizing pain on Oliver's glare. 

"Get the fuck out!" Oliver shouted, shaking so fucking hard as he pointed to the door. Dan bit his lip desperately.

"Oliver, it's not like that-" Dan tried to reason quickly but Oliver was just shaking his head quickly, unable to muffle his heartbreaking cries.

"Leave!" Oliver shrieked, one hand quickly and hastily gripping his hair tightly as his other just pointed over and over at the door.

"Daniel?!" Josh called on the other side urgently, seeming pretty panicked. Dan gulped hard.

"Oliver-" he tried to be more forceful feeling his own eyes tearing up.

"I said get the fuck out of my house!" Oliver screamed even louder, his knees trembling so hard that he could have fallen on the ground. Dan couldn't even look on his face without feeling a harsh pang on his chest. He knew that Oliver wasn't being reasonable but he couldn't blame him. He had just opened up to him and then just had it thrown harshly back straight onto his snout.

Dan quickly scurried out of his room but turned at the door to look at him.

"I'm-" the door was slammed on his face and a loud, dull thud was heard on the other side along with those heartbroken loud wailed sobs. 

Dan was almost crying too.

"Dan, what is going on?!" Josh urged since he could hear Oliver's cries. 

"We fucked up," Dan breathed out, staring at the door. 

They really did.


	13. Chapter 13

With a throbbing head and a dry throat, wet face and snotty nose, he managed to fall asleep on the cold floor, curled up. His hair stuck on his face, hiding it mostly from view while his hands clutched softly his scrunched up shirt, his legs pulled up close to his chest. It was a relatively uncomfortable position but in his weak and tired state of mind, he didn't mind one bit. The overwhelming majority of his feelings all just wore him down to that point.

Even though he had bloodshot eyes and a pretty fucking red face, Joshua still thought it looked adorable, even if it ached to see. He sighed.

"We should put him on the bed," he mumbled, fingertips reaching up to trace Oliver's hair away from his eyes. Kellin sighed.

"Help me up." He crouched down near the wall, one arm going under Oliver's neck and the other under his knees. "Wait, no," Kellin grunted, slowly standing up. Josh helped him up before Kellin waddled to the bed. Oliver was pretty light so he didn't have much trouble in lifting him up.

Dan quickly pulled the sheets off the bed, fluffing his pillow. Kellin tried to drop Oliver on the bed gently but it went rather clumsily. Oliver didn't wake up so that was a plus. Kellin grunted, adjusting Oliver's head so it faced upwards before he pushed his locks away from his face, thumb stroking his tears away. Dan covered him up until his chest and Josh sat down beside Oliver, sighing softly. His hand landed on where it was supposed to be his hand gently before he brought his leg up to rest his chin on.

"Are you sure we gonna do that?" Dan asked, grabbing a random pillow that was on Oliver's bed before he kicked all of the clothes that were on the ground to the corner so he could lay down on it.

"Yeah," Josh mumbled softly, guilty eyes unmoving from Oliver's puffy face. Kellin hummed, plopping down on the chair before he started to spin on it. Daniel chuckled at him, shaking his head. Kellin quirked his eyebrow.

"What? Are you jealous?" Kellin asked jokingly daring. Dan scoffed just as playfully, throwing his nonexistent hair over his shoulder.

"I'm never jealous, honey," Dan gayed. Kellin laughed before he sighed mockingly.

"So you don't wanna spin in this chair?" Kellin crossed his arms smugly. Dan took a while to answer, lips going on a pout.

"I kinda wanna spin on the chair," Dan mumbled. Kellin smirked before he patted his lap.

"C' mere, kid, I have candy," Kellin spoke on the deepest voice he could muster up. Josh glanced back at them both, sighing.

"Don't go, Daniel, he'll kidnap you," Josh slowly shifted down so he was laying instead. But it was uncomfortable, so he stood up.

"Oh god, what do I do?" Dan furrowed his eyebrows, eyes flickering between Kellin and Josh.

Josh pulled a little of the covers back, tugging at Oliver's arm so he could lay on his arm. Josh climbed back, throwing the covers over himself before he laid down on the crook of Oliver's neck, sighing and relaxing.

"Sorry, mom," Dan enunciate before he quickly stood up and rushed to Kellin, sitting sideways on his lap. Kellin laughed evilly.

"You will never see daylight again!" He exclaimed before he held Dan with one arm and the other he held the chair, starting to spin as quick as he could. Josh laughed at them, shifting so he had his back to Oliver. Dan squealed high pitched, hands clutching the chair and Kellin.

"Shit, that was a bad idea!" He cried out, eyes wide as they spun and spun til dizziness. Josh chuckled quietly, tunning them both off. He sighed, small smile falling off his face. He still felt pretty damn bad but he still couldn't do anything about it. He grasped Oliver's forearm and brought it so it was parallel with his body, leaving a small kiss on the skin beneath his head, fingers tracing with detail every patch of inked skin. Over the sound of laughter and silent screeches, he could hear faintly Oliver's soft breathing. He shifted back a little so his back was flushed to Oliver's side, a small pout unconsciously falling on Josh's face, eyes falling a little heavy.

He really wanted to apologize but he wouldn't dare to wake up Oliver. Heaven knows how much that boy needed sleep; the bags under his eyes could be compared to raccoons at that point. Then, a loud bang made Josh jump out of his skin and back into reality. Kellin and Dan were both on the ground, the chair fell along with them, its wheels still spinning.

Though that noise didn't only bring only Josh back.

"Thomas!" Oliver cried out, sitting up quickly, eyes darting to the door. His brain hadn't woken up yet so he tried to quickly get out of the bed. But Josh was in there so Oliver just tripped on his knees over Josh, falling from the bed.

"Holy shit!" Josh exclaimed, quickly helping Oliver back into the bed. "Are you okay?!" Josh's eyes darted over him quickly while Oliver clutched his shoulder. Kellin and Dan exchanged looks before both of them were scurrying up and stumbling down – since both were still dizzy as fuck – to beside Oliver.

"I'm- I'm fine," Oliver muttered, wincing from the pain on his head. He moved his hand to clutch it, feeling a throb behind his eyes. His squinted stare flickered between the three of them before he was furrowing his eyebrows, brain already awake. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He spat silently, shutting his eyes and inhaling deeply. Josh shuffled on his feet regretfully, one hand reaching in to grasp his own arm.

"We..." Josh sighed, reaching up a hand to grab Oliver's hand. But Oliver flinched away from his touch so Josh just looked away before biting his lip softly. "We wanted to apologize and explain things."

Oliver scoffed, opening his eyes to narrow his eyes in a glare at Joshua.

"There's no need to explain," he spat, standing up. But he was too dizzy and his head was too heavy so he just stumbled forward into Josh's chest.

Josh wrapped his arms around Oliver quickly, kinda waiting that Oliver would push him away. To all of their surprises, Oliver didn't, he just huffed, slumping a little. Josh gently put Oliver on the bed, sitting down beside him and wrapping his arms around Oliver's waist, resting his own head against his shoulder.

"Get him a cup of water, Dan," Kellin mumbled. He had his stare pretty intensely on Oliver, picking apart the little things in a way that made Oliver avoid eye contact at all costs. It was like Kellin could read his mind and that was pretty fucking creepy to Oliver. Josh glanced at Kellin, furrowing his eyebrows.

"How bad does your head hurts?" Kellin asked, crossing his arms and staring unblinkingly. Oliver glanced at him, face falling in a scowl before he was shutting his eyes again. He hummed.

"Josh, do you think you can get him some Advil or something?" Kellin gazed at Josh, smiling toothlessly. Josh nodded, kissing Oliver's shoulder before he scurried away from the room. Kellin looked back at Oliver, that now was just glaring at the ground.

A few seconds, pretty thick seconds, went by before Kellin slowly crouched down, eyes just as intense as he managed to get to stare at Oliver's eyes.

"Who's Thomas?" He tilted his head, seeing Oliver blinking, completely thrown off. Oliver scoffed, recovering from his confusion.

"Fuck off!"

"Is he from your family?" Oliver didn't answer, looking pretty annoyed. Kellin tilted his head. "Father?" Kellin perked up a little as he saw Oliver's face changing. It wasn't softening, much on the contrary. "Brother?" Oliver glanced at Kellin quickly before looking to the other side. "Huh," Kellin mumbled, standing up.

Just then, Dan was back, holding out a cup for Oliver.

Oliver glanced at it, sending a hard look at Dan before he snatched the mug off his hand.

"Thank you," Oliver spat, drinking a little of it. Moments later, Josh was coming back too, sitting down beside Oliver, giving him the little pill.

"How are you?" Josh asked concernedly, eyes worriedly searching on Oliver's face, a hand on his back in a soft caress.

"Bothered because of you," Oliver grumbled. Ouch. Josh quickly took his hand off, gulping down and sitting up straight. Oliver glanced at him, rolling his eyes. "Not you, them," he gulped the rest of the water down, leaving the cup on the bedside table. Josh sighed, Kellin chuckled.

"I feel so welcomed," Kellin spoke sarcastically. Oliver glared at him through his eyelashes.

"You're not," he sassed back. Kellin's little smile fell before he was giving Oliver this curious look.

"Stop being so mean," Dan spoke up pretty annoyed. Oliver scoffed out a chuckle.

"Says you," he sent Dan a dirty glare. "I thought I told you to get out?" He actually managed to stand up this time, glaring at them all before he went to leave his own room.

"You're such an asshole," Kellin chuckled. "Really, not only are you a shitty friend but you're fucking annoying, kid. How the hell did Josh manage to fall for you?"

Oliver quickly spun around, glaring at Kellin fiercely, pointing at him.

"Look, don't you dare-" Oliver started loudly before he froze in surprise. He blinked repeatedly, hand falling on his side. "What?" He mumbled, eyes flickering to Joshua's horrified face.

"You fuckin heard me," Kellin crossed his arms, lips curled up although his eyes were pretty pissed off. "You treat them like garbage when they treat you like a king, you're pathetic."

Oliver said nothing, clenching his jaw, gaze changing back to Kellin.

"What, can't handle the truth? You fucking suck," Kellin taunted, making Josh furrow his eyebrows.

"I think that's-" Josh stood up.

"I will fucking end you, you little shit!" Oliver growled, quickly running up to Kellin.

"Oliver!" Josh managed to get between them, making Oliver collide with his body instead. They both fell down with a loud thump, Kellin quickly stepping back so they didn't bring him down too. Josh groaned.

Oliver grunted, slowly pushing himself up, blinking down at Josh. Joshua winced, squinting his eyes for a second before he trailed his eyes up to Oliver, limbs sprawled.

Pretty warm blue eyes made Oliver's breath hitch, jaw unclench, lips part, eyes wide. It was like a switch; from feeling all pissed off to just feeling stunned from being so close to Joshua. His mind had somehow dismissed the entire drama they both got in, just like back when they kissed – every other thing that wasn't Joshua seemed to become foolishly superfluous.

Josh didn't do much, despite the pain on his back from being tackled, he just watched Oliver. He studied how Oliver's expression seemed to soften and how his gaze slowly traced all over Josh's face as if taking every detail in. Then his stare flickered to his lips and Josh's eyes widened because Oliver's seemed to become a little heavy, filled with an untroubled longing. He heard Oliver's little sigh, he even thought that he was leaning in, but Oliver quickly snapped out of it when loud laughter filled the room.

"Is that how you hoped to take me down? With tender homoerotism?" Kellin cackled, crossing his arms as a small smile played on his face, eyes swirling with amusement, still snickering to himself. Oliver rolled his eyes, a blush crawling all over his face. He kept any comments to himself because his mind was still too foggy to come up with something smart. He quickly got off of Josh, extending one hand to help him up.

Josh took it, eyes powerful as he kept them on Oliver's face. Oliver noticed it and blushed harder, looking away from it.

"Will you shut the fuck up and listen now?" Dan smiled bitterly, hands behind his back. Oliver shuffled on his feet, sighing.

"I guess," he mumbled, walking back to the bed and sitting against the headboard, pulling the covers up his body. He didn't look at anyone in the eyes because he was sorta embarrassed. He still hadn't caught up with anything that happened since the hectic just was muffled by Joshua and Joshua solely.

"Thank fucking god," Daniel scoffed, rolling his eyes and sitting back on the space he had 'cleaned' before, lying back down on his back. Kellin picked the chair up, sitting on it with his legs swung over one arm and his back in the other side, eyes starting to inspect the room. Josh cleared his throat, sitting down on the bed, facing Oliver. He twirled his thumbs together nervously, eyes anxiously tracing Oliver's face. Oliver couldn't blame him since he was perhaps maybe possibly pretty anxious as well.

"Uh, so..." Josh cleared his throat, eyes flickering down to the bedsheets. He sighed, shoulders relaxing a little before he took a tentative glance at Oliver. He inhaled sharply. "So, you know that I... I may have some... Some small little feelings there, uh, for- for you," Josh exhaled shakily, biting on his bottom lip nervously. "Uh... Oh god," he sighed. Kellin groaned.

"He has some pretty harsh feelings for you and then we came up with a plan to get you jealous because you're a dumbass and so you two could finally be together," Kellin blurted out.

"We didn't want to hurt you like we did, we just wanted you to get a little pissed and maybe a little possessive," Dan butted in, still staring at the ceiling.

"But it backlashed and now you're being idiotic; more than you already are," Kellin snorted. "I'm joking, before you try to go all Hulk on me again," he added quickly, rolling his eyes. Oliver blinked, letting it sink in slowly.

"So- so the plan wasn't to get revenge on me?" Oliver gazed at Josh hesitantly in time to see him furrowing his eyebrows.

"Why would we want revenge on you?" Josh finally met Oliver's eyes, shuffling a little on his spot. Oliver breathed out.

"Because I'm ridiculous and keep hurting you over and over," he mumbled. Josh frowned harder.

"Of course not, Oliver," Josh spoke softly. "I don't want to hurt you purposefully, not in a bad way."

"That's kinky," Kellin whispered. Dan snorted because he was the only one that heard.

"I'm sorry I did, though," Josh said guiltily, ashamed eyes looking away. Oliver softened even more, sighing.

"I'm sorry I'm a dumbass," he smiled weakly. "Come here," he patted his side. Josh hesitantly moved to sit down beside him, gazing down at him with a now less heavy stare. "I- uh, I have some pretty strong feeling for you too," Oliver flushed once more, looking away. Josh's lips curled up and he hummed.

"I'm glad," he whispered. Oliver's eyes moved to his bright smile, sighing in desire. He really craved to feel Joshua's softness again. Josh was just as wishful, so he slowly went to lean in, making Oliver's eyes flutter.

"My job here is done!" Kellin exclaimed, standing up in a superhero position. Dan rolled on the ground, standing up too while the two loverboys stared up at Kellin.

"I'm leaving too," Dan muttered. "Since I'm just a useless fucker." He didn't glance at the boys but he was pretty annoyed, making Kellin soften a little. Dan walked up to the door, Kellin trailing behind.

"Dan, wait!" Oliver called out, biting his lip a little. Dan stopped, keeping his back to Oliver. Oliver sighed. "I'm sorry," he clarified. "You're the best mate out there."

"Damn fucking right I am," he scoffed. Kellin's lips curled up as he watched Dan. Oliver breathed out again.

"Are... Are we good?" Oliver asked hesitantly, wincing a bit. They stood on a tense silence before Dan turned his head to glare at Oliver.

"You better make a Lord of the Rings marathon with me." Dan raised his middle finger to Oliver before he was walking away, Kellin following behind, trying to stifle his chuckles.

"I taught you well," Oliver and Josh heard Kellin said proudly before they both left the house. Josh sighed.

Things got a little awkward before Oliver turned his head to look at Josh.

"I'm really sorry," he mumbled guiltily. "I was a pretty shit friend. I should have supported you when you came out and I shouldn't have gotten all weird before," Oliver shifted a bit, lacing his own fingers together. "I'm sorry, Joshua," he said sincerely. Josh stared at him for a few moments before he smiled a little, shaking his head.

"Don't worry about this anymore, Oliver. But," Josh gazed around the room quickly before he focused back on Oliver. "Why did you got all freaked about it?"

Oliver gulped, breaking eye contact before he shrugged.

"I- I don't know. Surprise, I guess," he lied, messing with his own fingers. Josh stared at him. Oliver sighed. "We should talk about something else." Oliver suddenly turned to stare at Joshua again, looking a little troubled and awkward. "Uh, so... What do we do now?" A small reddening covered Oliver's face, making Joshua's heat up too.

"I- I mean, I don't know," Josh said nervously. "Uh, we can just... Talk, I guess," Josh pursed his lips awkwardly, eyes falling down on his lap. Oliver did the same.

They didn't talk at all, they just sat there nervously. Until Oliver inhaled sharply, gulping his growing anxiety down.

"C-can," Oliver took a deep breath, not meeting Josh's eyes. "Can I... Can I k-kiss you again?" Oliver stuttered slightly, breathing becoming heavy. Josh gulped loudly, heart becoming quicker than it should be.

"Uh, Uhm, well," Josh cleared his throat. "F-for sure," he slowly brought his eyes to Oliver. Oliver bit his lip, gaze flickering to Josh. Both their breathing had become audible, stomachs churning and little goosebumps rising on their skin as Oliver leaned in slowly. Josh swallowed again, eyes fluttering shut as he felt the touch of Oliver's lips on his, slowly feeling himself melt on a puddle as his tummy burned harder, a shaky hand rising up to cup Oliver's cheek. Oliver inhaled sharply, a hand hesitantly going out to hold Joshua's waist, bringing him closer.

There was something completely different this time. Now there was no impulsivity, there were no hidden desires; both had admitted that both wanted the other, which just seemed to make the emotions of both of them rise to the point where a single glance could make them both melt into little mush. Their yearnings were out to the world now, – maybe only their own world but a world nonetheless – fears pushed down with each movement of their lips.

Oliver pulled back a little, opening his eyes to see Josh's fluttering open, a gigantic flush dusting his face and less nervous eyes gazing up at him with a more explicit want. Oliver breathed out.

Holy shit. _Holy shit._ Oliver gulped, shifting a little and pulling Josh so he could be in the middle of the bed as Oliver slowly, testingly set himself between his legs, making Josh's eyes widen a little. Oliver bit his lip, slowly leaning down to push his lips on Josh's again.

They were so soft and smooth, Oliver couldn't help but want more and more of them, couldn't help but want more and more of Josh. He sighed.

Joshua was pretty fucking addicting.

He swept his tongue on Josh's bottom lip, earning a sigh from him and his lips parted. Oliver rubbed their tongues together and Josh slowly set his hands on Oliver's sides, making him shiver as they accidentally came in contact with his skin.

Oliver quickly realised that he wouldn't mind becoming addicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS FIC IS A MESS JESUS CHRIST


	14. Chapter 14

Soft breaths, shy hands, welcoming lips. It all seemed to drive Oliver into a huger trench that Oliver hesitantly yet gladly allowed himself to fall into. Pushing their lips together harder, tongues demanding more and more, torsos pressed jointly. Oliver was soft, definitely soft; the entire gentleness of it all had him under a spell, the tenderness, the passion, it all seemed to carry him up into an idyll and Oliver wasn't minding it one bit. He hadn't felt that good, that wanted, that warm in his entire life and it was something that Oliver wasn't aware he needed until that moment.

Into the silence, Joshua's ringtone broke through, making Josh pull his head back a little but he couldn't back anymore since there was a pillow behind his head and Oliver still covered his mouth with his lips, too enticed and lost into it to pay attention to anything else.

"Oliver," Josh exhaled, turning his head a little bit, eyes fluttering open. Oliver, too lost into his own little world, feeling his entire core warm up with that little whisper of his name, just shuttered a little before his lips were repeatedly pecking Joshua's cheek, slowly moving down to his jaw. Josh just kept his hand tangled on Oliver's hair as his other fished his phone out of his pocket. It was his mom. 

But then, Joshua gasped, eyes widening as he felt Oliver's tongue tracing down his neck, swollen lips pressing on his silk skin before he was sucking softly. 

"Oliver-" another gasp. Joshua's neck was pretty sensitive so he squirmed a little, hand tugging Oliver's hair in an attempt to take him away but it just made Oliver move to a spot a little lower, a louder gasp leaving Josh. "Oliver, wait," he breathed out choked up, gulping. "Oliver, just-" he inhaled sharply, eyes getting a little heavy before he glanced at the screen, showing that the call had ended since he didn't pick up. Joshua swallowed again, teeth sinking onto his bottom lip before he was tugging Oliver's hair harshly away from his neck. 

Oliver let out a soft groan, eyebrows furrowing before his eyes opened though they remained heavy, staring down at Joshua with dark orbs. It made Joshua's eyes widen before he shakily cleared his throat, sitting up a little, hand slipping away from Oliver's hair.

Oliver let out a small noise, fluttering eyes scanning Joshua's neck before he let out a disappointed noise, moving lazily to attach his lips to his throat once more. Oliver was in a trance that he didn't seem to snap out of; it was like he spent his entire life starving and now he finally could satiate that hunger. He wasn't thinking straight at all. Joshua's eyes widened even more.

Oliver's eyes seemed to be devouring him entirely and it made him weak and just to give into it and to wherever the hell it would lead to. But his mom calling him again made his eyes flicker to the screen along with Oliver's. With a hand in front of Oliver's face to stop him from doing what he was going to, Joshua picked up, taking a deep breath before he did so. 

Oliver wasn't paying attention to what was happening, he just sat back on his legs, staring with longing at Joshua, licking his lips as his heavy stare wandered all over Joshua. He had managed to leave two little love bites on his skin, so obvious and exposed, his lips were just as swollen at Oliver's, his face was flushed and his eyes were a little shy though also longing. His hair was messy, too, since Oliver just loved threading his fingers through it. Joshua's curls were pretty soft.

Oliver blinked several times, watching as Josh's arms lowered and he bit his lip. Oliver exhaled through his nose, licking his lips once more. He thought that Joshua's lips looked awfully lonely and he wanted to resolve that as soon as possible.

"Uh," Josh mumbled. "Mum needs me to pick up Elissa from her friend's," Josh shifted a bit, sparkling eyes gently tracing Oliver's expression before they inevitably flickered to his lips. Oliver swallowed, nodding. He quickly leaned in to peck Josh's lips before he sat back with a sigh, watching sadly as Josh stood up. "I'll see you later," Joshua gave him a little, shy smile before he was fixing his hair and clothes, padding away with a small bye. But he quickly stopped on the doorway, turning around and quickly jogging up to Oliver, leaving a little kiss on his lips before he beamed a little and scurried away quickly, blushing hard.

Oliver muttered 'bye' back, eyes glued on Josh before he fell back down on the bed, limbs sprawled out, facing the ceiling. 

He breathed in, his eyes tracing the ceiling before he let them fall shut. He really liked Joshua, Jesus fuck. Joshua apparently liked him back, too. What was that supposed to mean for them? Would they remain as friends? Would they start dating? Would they stay in the between? Oliver didn't want them to stay just as friends, no. He wanted Joshua to be his and he wanted to be Joshua's. 

It was funny how Oliver didn't even mind anymore that they both were dudes. Really, he didn't care about that and he wondered why, how did his disdain over something like that simply melted away, how did he manage to actually catch feelings for someone else that was just like him. He thought and thought it over and the more he did, he realised that he was pretty stupid before. Why did it matter? It's not like he liked Joshua because of what he had down there, he just liked him for him. His sweetness and kindness, his lovely personality, his inside and out beauty... Joshua was just too amazing, it was impossible for Oliver not to catch feelings.

Oliver sighed. He really fucking liked Joshua. He bit his lip. He wanted to ask Josh to be his. He immediately got nervous at the thought but it was a good kind of nervous; although he did feel anxious regards Joshua's answer. But how would Oliver ask Josh? He furrowed his eyebrows, eyes opening before he sat up, resting against the headboard. His eyes fell on the laptop on his table before he bit his lip. It was something that he couldn't stop doing now because he could still taste Joshua, he could still feel him and it made fervour burn upon his chest. 

Oliver stood up, padding up to his chair before he plopped down, opening his laptop up, raising up his other hand to trace his lips with his fingertips, a small smile stretching on his mouth. He sighed dreamily, shaking his head. 

Everything about Joshua warmed Oliver. His smile, god, it was so bright and pretty, Oliver loved it more than anything. Huh... An idea made Oliver widen his eyes and stand up quickly, stumbling across his room, picking up a random notebook and a pen he found on the floor. He slammed it on the table beside the laptop, sitting down before he started messily writing whatever that came to mind. Everything about Joshua that he loved, every little detail; from how he loved these little habits of his and little expressions to how he loved his identity. It filled not much, almost the entire page, but to Oliver, it wasn't enough. There was still much more that he loved about Josh, he just had to remember it. But it was hard to think when Joshua just obfuscated his mind wholly.

He sighed, slouching back on the chair before he was glancing at the screen. He hummed. He smiled. 

At the end of the afternoon, things were pretty good. He had added to his wish list something that he knew Josh would like and, after doing the math, he knew that if he kept the money his mom gave him to school lunch, he could buy it in a week or so. Oliver had cut the papers and folded them, grabbing one of his mom's jar and put them inside. It filled barely one-quarter of the jar. Oliver wanted to fill it to the top and he knew he could. But before he taped what it was in that jar outside of it. He asked his mom if she had a shoebox and luckily enough, she had one that she was planning on throwing out. 

Oliver decided that he would finish the rest on the rest of the week, so he quickly went to bed, but took a long ass time to fall asleep since he was just too hyped about his idea. He hoped that Joshua would love it as much as he liked it. Maybe it was too cliche but Oliver ignored that fact. He wanted to do something cheesy because he knew that Joshua loved things like that.

The next day of school, though, was a little unpredictable for Oliver. He was back at chatting with Joshua normally, maybe even being way too close to him, but no one really paid attention. No one but Dan.

"So how're the lovebirds going?" Dan asked when they were by Oliver's locker. Josh flushed a little, glancing down while Oliver had a small smile on. "Did you finally start dating?"

Joshua shuffled on his feet, eyes anxiously gazing up at Oliver. Were they? They didn't even think about that when they were back at Oliver's room. Oliver held back a smile, shaking his head.

"We're not dating, man," Oliver spoke. He wanted to add the 'yet' but he didn't want to ruin his surprise. He would tell Daniel later, though, when they were alone. Joshua's face fell hard. Dan saw it, face scrunching up a little in sympathy. Josh silently inhaled sharply, biting his tongue. 

They didn't talk about that at all after that. Josh seemed to distance himself a little during that day but on the next, he was back to normal. He couldn't distance himself from Oliver. Meanwhile, Oliver couldn't wait until he had finished his little thing.

Oliver painted the shoe box along the week in the way he wanted, taking the notebook with him to classes and staring at Joshua, scribbling down more little things that he saw Joshua doing that Oliver thought it was adorable of him. He ordered the thing, seeing that it would take a week or so until it was in his house. It was pretty nice because it gave him time to plan how he would do things. But he realised he would probably stutter too badly so he decided to write a letter.

By the time the week had passed, things were already finished. Joshua's present was in the box, the little letter telling everything Oliver felt was inside it with Oliver's cologne and the little jar was filled to the top. Oliver couldn't keep a smile in on that day. People commented on it but he just cryptically brushed it off.

He grasped the box, smiling wide at it. It was finally ready. He inhaled sharply. Oliver had fixed his best clothes, he was looking at his best. Then he left home with the box, eyes way too hopeful.

He couldn't wait to see Joshua's reaction. Oliver was so happy.


	15. Chapter 15

" 'We're not dating', he said," Joshua scoffed, arms wrapped around his pillow. He wanted to be mad at Oliver, he was mad at Oliver, but it all just evaporated whenever he saw that stupid face. He strangled his pillow harder. That stupid beautiful face. That gorgeous idiot. Joshua grumbled under his breath, sinking on his bed harder.

A knock on his door broke him out of his little bubble, making him stand up, leaving his pillow behind as he walked downstairs. He didn't care that he was just in his underwear. He was actually glad since it would probably scare the person away and he wouldn't have to deal with people. 

"What!" Joshua snapped, opening the door harshly. He blinked, surprised before he turned annoyed. "Oh, look who decided to show up after two weeks of ignoring me!" Joshua said with bitter sarcasm, eyes wide and lips parted. Kellin winced.

"Uhm, hi," Kellin smiled awkwardly. "Can, can we talk?" 

Joshua rolled his eyes, walking away from the door and back to his room. Kellin shut the door silently behind him, lips curling up in a playful smirk.

"That's a nice way to greet me," Kellin hummed, eyeing Joshua up and down. Josh turned to glare at him, making his smile turn nervous again. Josh huffed. Once they were back to the room, Josh fell on the bed, getting his legs under the sheets as he hugged his pillow again, a glare on his face. Kellin crossed his legs under him on the bed too, pursing his lips.

"So..." Kellin spoke. "How's it going?" He smiled a little. Josh narrowed his eyes.

"You spend two weeks without talking to me and all you got to say is 'how's it going'?!" Josh asked in disbelief. Kellin sighed, bringing his hand up so he was chewing on his nails before they fell down on his lap.

"Look... Things happened, okay? I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you, I... I was busy," Kellin breathed out, eyes casting down. Josh pursed his lips, eyes intently tracing Kellin. 

Kellin glanced up at Josh, sighing.

"I'm sorry, kid. I had to fly back home. Mom... Mom wasn't doing so good. I'm sorry." Kellin stared at Joshua sincerely, making Josh soften a bit.

"You could have texted me back," Josh mumbled, eyes falling down. Kellin frowned. That wasn't usual of Joshua. Did he fuck it up that bad? "I was worried," Josh confessed.

"I'm sorry I worried you," Kellin said softly, landing one hand on Josh's leg, atop the covers. "I would've texted back but... I couldn't."

"It's okay," Josh shook his head. "Are you okay, though?" Josh stared at Kellin concernedly, sympathetic.

"I'm fine," Kellin chuckled, waving his other hand around. Josh softened even more, nodding.

"Good, that's good," Joshua mumbled. For a moment, things went awkwardly silent. That was unlike Joshua. Kellin frowned.

"Are you okay?" Kellin quickly changed the attention to Josh, just like that. Josh glanced up at him, nodding. "Don't lie to me, Joshua," Kellin warned. Josh sighed.

"I should be the one worrying about you, you just told me that your mom isn't doing good," Josh frowned. Kellin just chuckled.

"Oh, the old witch is fine," Kellin shook his head. "She just likes scaring us," he rolled his eyes. It was true, sometimes his mom ended up having to go to the hospital because she forgot to eat or something like that. It wasn't often but it did happen and every time Kellin had a heart attack. He loved that woman to death but if she kept it up, she would be the death of him. Josh nodded. 

"Now tell me, what got your panties in a twist?" Kellin smiled cheekily, moving up to sit beside Josh. Josh pouted, placing the pillow on his lap.

"Oliver," Josh grumbled. Kellin snickered.

"What's the news in that?" He asked amusedly. It made Josh smile a little before he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that fucker is a fucker," Josh started. Kellin laughed. "He, like, he kissed me all passionate and stuff, he even left hickeys in me! And he said he really liked me but then," Josh groaned. "Then Dan asked if we were dating and I get it that we're not but he denied it with such certainty and like... So... Like he would never, you know? Ugh, he's a fucker," Josh rambled with a pout. Kellin laughed again, smiling wide.

"You're so frustrated, it's amusing," Kellin chuckled once more. Josh frowned hard.

"Shut the fuck up," he grumbled. Kellin laughed more.

"Okay, lighten up, sunshine," Kellin knocked their shoulders together, smiling softly. "Or do I gotta suck you off?" He offered jokingly, making Joshua snort. "There's that smile," Kellin hummed approvingly. It made Josh smile wider and shake his head. He sighed a little, resting his head on Kellin's shoulder.

"Man," Josh sighed. "Boys are confusing." Kellin laughed, nodding in agreement. 

"They are," he hummed. For a second his eyes got melancholic but then he was quickly shifting, grasping Joshua's hips and tugging him to his lap. Josh let out a squeal-ish screech. 

"What are you doing?!" Josh yelped, eyes wide as he tried to steady himself on Kellin's lap. Kellin smirked deviously.

"I refuse to let you suffer because of a boy," Kellin tsked. Before Josh could react, his long fingers were digging softly, quickly all over Joshua's ribs and sides, making him squeal and screech and yelp all the same.

"Stop it!" Joshua screeched, trying to slap Kellin's hands away, wheezing so hard that no sound was coming off of him. Kellin laughed along with him, feeling Josh squirm on his lap, his face flushing red, little tears coming up to his eyes. "I'm gonna pee!" Joshua voicelessly shrieked, making Kellin stop and laugh more.

"That's hot," Kellin winked jokingly. Josh leaned forward, resting his head on Kellin's shoulder as he slowly tried to breathe. He sat up straight, still breathless as he smiled up at Kellin. 

Joshua loved how things weren't complicated with Kellin. How there was no drama and how... Safe? No, that's not the word. Good. Yeah. How good Kellin made him feel, in all aspects. For a second, a brief second, he wondered why he still pinned after Oliver. Really, Kellin was amazing. Joshua didn't realise but he sighed, face falling into a softness that only Oliver had seen before. It made Kellin's small smile slowly disappear. Oh, dear. Kellin knew that look.

Oh no.

Joshua's eyes moved over Kellin's eyes and lips before they fluttered close as he quickly leaned in, placing his lips on Kellin's with a sigh. Kellin's eyes widened, hands frozen on Joshua's sides while Joshua gently clutched his shoulder. Josh furrowed his eyebrows. No, not because Kellin wasn't kissing back, but because it wasn't the same. Josh knew but he realised that he couldn't feel the same way about Kellin as he felt about Oliver. Josh faltered. Of course, they fooled around but... Joshua couldn't love Kellin like that.

He jumped away from Kellin, though, when a loud crash echoed all over the house. 

His heart stopped and his head spun as he quickly directed his stare at the door of his room. 

He relaxed for a second when he realised it wasn't his parents or sister.

But he tensed even harder when he realised it.

Oliver.

"O-Oliver!" Josh stuttered, eyes widening. He heard Kellin gulp beside him but he didn't turn to see that he seemed like a deer caught in the headlights. All he could focus was on Oliver's face. 

And it fucking hurt.

Oliver was gaping at them, lips parted and moving a little, stunned, starting to quiver, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed. His eyes were what hurt Josh the most. They were always deep around Josh and now wasn't an exception, but Josh wished it was. Those hazel eyes sucked Joshua into a glistening void, holding disbelief and a huge amount of hurt, an ache so deep that Joshua felt it himself. Oliver's face started flushing, eyes glazing over as he glanced at the box he dropped, slowly bringing his hands that were close to his chest so they were holding one another, maybe trying to protect himself from the agony he felt as his hands pressed on his chest. Oliver swallowed.

The box was open but facing down, a few shards of glass scattered around it. Oliver bit his trembling lip hard, face scrunching up as he glanced up at an almost naked Joshua on top of Kellin, so close and exposed. Oliver took deep breaths.

That soft kiss they shared just moments prior stabbed Oliver's heart repeatedly, now engraved on his memory, replaying it over and over. Oliver took a small step back, swallowing down the lump growing on his throat. He suddenly couldn't breathe. It hurt so bad.

"Oliver," Josh breathed out softly, feeling like he could cry himself just at the look on his love's face. Oliver looked at the box again.

It made sense. Maybe that's why Josh didn't try to kiss him or anything during those weeks; because Oliver was too late. Oliver hadn't realised that Joshua didn't want him anymore. Maybe Josh had realised that Oliver was too much, hadn't he? Oh my... Was Oliver too engrossed in his little love bubble to realise that he wasn't what Joshua wanted anymore? Oh... Oh god. Oliver was so damn selfish, wasn't he? Only thinking about what he wanted. Really, why would Joshua want him when he had someone like Kellin? Oliver had to swallow down a whimper as soon as the thought crossed his mind. But it wasn't wrong, was it?

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Oliver said softly, biting his tongue right after, eyes moving all over those little shards. Oliver was just intruding on them. He was being a nuisance. "I'm sorry," he whispered, voice breaking just like Joshua's heart. Oliver inhaled sharply. He didn't have it in himself to lean down and pick up his stupid, ridiculous little thing anymore, he just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. So he did it, he ran out of there, his breath caught on his throat as he began to bleed out the pain on his heart through his eyes, his teeth digging strongly on his tongue as he tried to grasp himself together, unwanted anguished noises building upon his throat as he just ran away from there.

Joshua's reaction was too delayed. Maybe it was the expression that Oliver had on, the wounded little puppy eyes that made him feel like a monster, the betrayed and, god forbid, guilty eyes that Oliver carried out. But moments after Oliver left, Joshua was quick to scurry up.

"Oliver!" Joshua cried out, going after Oliver but stopping on the doorway as the thousands of tiny glasses scattered around the doorway. Josh let out a frustrated whimper, hands hitting his thighs as his bottom lip quivered, tears building up as he held back a sob. Josh glanced back at Kellin, looking so desperate, so lost. But Kellin was just as forfeited.

"Oh fuck," Kellin exhaled, biting his lip. There was guilt written all over his face although he had no fault at it. But the look in Joshua's face and especially the one on Oliver's face made him feel like utter shit.

"Why the fuck do I gotta have the worst timing?!" Josh sobbed in a yell, bringing his hands up to rub the tears on his eyes, shoulders trembling. Kellin breathed out, feeling his core ache too. He felt pity for Oliver and Joshua. Both of them just seemed to hurt each other constantly and it wasn't purposeful at all. Kellin put on Josh's flip flops, inhaling sharply as he crouched down to gather up the box. It was cute, painted in rainbow patterns all over with a big heart drawn in the middle of the hood. 

Kellin picked it up carefully, the glasses inside making noises as they clinked against each other. Josh whimpered, sniffing and breathing heavily. He looked up at Kellin through pitiful eyes before they moved to the box. It made his bottom lip tremble harder before he gulped, breath quick and hitched. 

He wanted to go after Oliver but what good would that do? How was he supposed to explain what had happened? 'Oh, I was just trying to see if I could move on from you to someone else just because'. That didn't sound like a good thing to say to anyone. Josh moved so he fell back on the bed, pulling his knees up, biting his tongue as he wept, taking sharp breaths, his tears sliding easily over his face.

Kellin moved to sit upon the bed beside Josh, awkwardly holding the box. He should leave, shouldn't he? But the look on Josh's face told him that it might be better not. 

Things were silent after that, besides Joshua's whimpers and hitched breaths. Josh slowly let go of his legs, heavy eyes flickering to the box. He sat up straight, cleaning his face up as he leaned down to put on a shirt. He wasn't comfortable anymore. He inhaled sharply, gently grabbing the box as Kellin willingly gave him.

Josh sniffed once more, not caring that his face was now all puffy and wet. He opened the box, sighing softly. The inside of it was painted in white for what he could see and Josh could see that the paint was handmade. He swallowed. There was a black fabric folded neatly on one half whilst on the other there was a bunch of tiny folded papers and broken glass and the lid. What stuck out for Joshua was this piece of paper that unlike the others wasn't folded but stuck on a larger piece of glass by a tape. Josh's entire being faltered when he read it.

The things   
that I love   
about you♡ :)

It was written in Oliver's messy handwriting but it seemed like he had put an effort to write it, even if it was in a notebook's paper. Josh bit his tongue harder. What was that? Gently he reached down to grab one of the folded papers, hand trembling as he grasped it with his thumb and pointer finger. Josh slowly unfolded it.

Your eyes always twinkle when you see some cute animal and it's adorable! You're too precious ♡

Joshua blinked, red eyes widening. He flushed a little but this time it wasn't because he was crying. It was something cute, what Oliver wrote about him. But at the same time, it made his heart clench. He hesitantly picked another paper, unfolding it carefully.

You're always so caring and lovely, it's impossible not to like you. You are the most valuable thing in this entire universe!!!

Joshua's bottom lip was trembling once more, his face flushing harder. He held back another sob, the remorse and despair had involved his entire core by now. He was a fucking idiot, wasn't he? Josh gulped it down, though, eyes moving to the other side. He didn't pick another paper because he knew he would break down if he did. So he carefully folded the papers again, leaving them on the bed before he left the box on the side, carefully picking the fabric on, letting the few glasses that were on it drop down on the box. Josh brought the fabric to stay in front of him while the box stood on the side. Josh let it unfold itself. An envelope fell but Josh didn't pay attention to it. He gasped loudly.

A Blink-182 shirt. It wasn't much, really, but Josh was obsessed with that band. He loved it so much, so many of their music held memories of Oliver and him together, laughing around and being goofs. But it made Josh want to cry because that was the special shirt that Josh once mentioned to Oliver how bad he wanted. Josh couldn't believe that Oliver paid attention to his passionated ramblings about that band. Josh whined loudly, face scrunching up harder as he sobbed again, clutching that shirt to his chest.

God, it hurt so fucking bad.

Everything about that entire thing was just so sweet and lovely and it pained Joshua badly since it all just reinforced the fact that he obviously hurt Oliver hard. Joshua felt like he was such a fucking nightmare.

He sobbed a little more but his eyes cast down on the envelope. He gulped hard, whimpering before he weakly leaned down to grab it. The tears flowed freely, wettening his new shirt and the one he was using. He sniffed loudly, letting out a whine as his shaky hands let the shirt on his lap, opening the envelope with a bit of difficulty. It smelled like Oliver's cologne. Josh took a deep whiff, feeling his insides clench harder than ever.

His shaky hands managed to grab out another paper from inside. This time it wasn't cut, it was a normal folded up paper. Josh let the envelope rest on his other side while he opened the folded page up. He held his breath.

'Dear Joshua,' the start already made Josh weaker. 

'I don't know what to say, really, but I know I've got so much to tell you.' Josh glanced at Kellin with a red, snotted face, seeing that his eyes were glistening too. It made Josh feel worse. This was all his fault, wasn't it? Of course it was.

'I like you. So much. You're the most lovely, the sweetest, the prettiest person I have ever met. I don't know how or when but you, as cliche as it sounds, stole my heart. I know, I usually don't do the cliche shit but... I can't help it when it's about you. You know, most of the things I do, I do it for you. I just want you to be proud of me. Anyways, I'm missing my point entirely here.'

Joshua bit his cheek. This, in a totally different scenario, would have made him melt into the puddliest puddle but this, right now, was massacring his heart in the most painful way. He couldn't stop crying.

'I think soulmates are a stupid thing but, honestly, you make me believe like we're something like that. I know, cliche (again), but I can't help it (again). Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when you're not around me, even if when I'm with you, you steal my breath (I swear to god, I'm embarrassed that I went to this level of romantic. See what you do to me, Joshua?)

You're everything I think about. Always. I always carry you with me wherever I go, you're always in my dreams, my memories, my head. I doubt I could ever find another person like you. I doubt I could ever find someone that makes me feel like you. And it scares me so bad but... I don't mind. It's you, I trust you with my life. I would say that I love you but I don't want to scare you away. I'm also not sure if it is love, really,-' Joshua breathed heavily, eyes pouring hard as he shakily flipped the page.

'-because I have never felt like this before, but I think it might be it. I think I love you. And I need you, really. I don't think I would be who I am without you, you make me a much better person and you may not even see it. And I want you to keep making me better and better and I hope that I can do it for you too.

So, Joshua, would you kindly make this idiot right here the happiest motherfucker ever? Would you give me the pleasure of being yours? Will you be my boyfriend?' Josh's eyes widened, hands shaking harder than ever before as he let out a choked noise, nearly dropping the paper. He looked at Kellin to see his surprised, wide eyes sliding over the paper. Kellin looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Holy fucking shit," Josh breathed out shakily, a whimper as his entire body shook. He cried out, shrinking onto himself. He slowly, quiveringly focused back on the paper even though he just wanted to sob his heart out.

'It's okay if you won't, though. I honestly just want you to be as happy as you make me. I'll be happy as long as you are, love♡ I adore every single thing about you and I hope that I actually can stay until you finish reading it but I'll probably chicken out :/ anyways! I hope I can hear from you soon :) 

Ps; I hope you liked the shirt! I remembered how bad you wanted it, so... Yeah :) oh god, I'm so damn awkward.'

Josh lowered the paper, his entire being shaking hard as he let out muffled sobs. He let go of the paper, hiding his face on his hands as he cried out loudly on his palms. Even Kellin had tears streaming down his face.

Both of them were taken by the harsher type of remorse; it corrupted their insides, it ripped their veins inside out and it made both of them ache in a way that was agonizing to even think about.

Joshua was the most stupid fucker to ever exist.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little heads up! Things go to shit in this one and if you see that it might trigger you, please skip when you get on the second '~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~'! It'll be explained what happened after it. Please be safe ❤

Stupid. If there was a word that described how Oliver felt like, it would be stupid. Ridiculous. Foolish, dumb, silly. All of that and more.

The tears weren't falling anymore but there was still a dull ache inside him, his expression faintly pained as he tried to keep it blank. Somehow, he ended up by the swing again. Hunched over shoulders, wet face, cast down stare, heavy eyes, blank mind.

Humiliated, maybe. All the time he spent on that silly gift went all out of the drain. It was dumb of him to do it. But he shouldn't be surprised, part of him wasn't surprised. Even if he should have known better, it didn't hurt any less. He should have known that eventually Josh would get fed up with his bullshit. Maybe he just hoped he had more time. Oliver kind of hoped that Josh would have waited.

It was okay that he didn't. Right? He was happy with someone else, that should mean something, right? Josh did seem pretty satisfied with Kellin; every time that Oliver met up with him, Josh was pretty laid back and smiley in a way that Oliver probably never could get him to be.

It made sense in Oliver's head. Kellin was everything that he wasn't. Kellin was confident and cool, he wasn't afraid, he was a gentleman. Really, Oliver should have realised sooner instead of wasting their times like that.

Joshua said he liked Oliver, though. But... What if it was out of pity? Maybe Josh had found out about his feelings for him and got sympathetic. Maybe Joshua was just being polite to Oliver. Wait, what if Josh was uncomfortable every time they kissed? Oh my goodness... Holy god, Oliver hadn't realised how thoughtless he was. So fucking selfish. Oliver jumped up, inhaling sharply. Home. He would go home, take a nap and forget everything. If he pretended that nothing happened, Josh would forget it too. Maybe Josh hadn't read Oliver's stupid confession, Oliver hoped. It would save them the embarrassment.

Oliver hadn't realised how long he had been sitting there until he stood up, his butt numb. He wrinkled his nose, starting to walk anyways.

Joshua kissed him first. Oliver froze. He frowned. Why would Joshua kiss him first? Did... Did he really have feelings for Oliver? Of course not, who in their right mind would? His shoulders dropped. The frown hardened. He started walking again, hard steps this time. Was Joshua fooling around with his feelings? Was that his revenge for Oliver being an arsehole to him? Was he just using Oliver for an experiment or something? He clenched his jaw.

Joshua had no right.

Even though he said he would never hurt Oliver purposefully. Oliver inhaled sharply. He really wished he could shut his brain off. Thinking at that moment overwhelmed him, he didn't know what to think, what to feel. He shook his head. He wanted to cry but this time it wasn't only because he was hurt, but because everything was just too much. Suddenly the air around him was just too dense. He didn't even realise that he was on the street of his house. He felt relieved he was. He couldn't wait to go to his room and sleep for the rest of the day.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~ **(pls be safe)**

Oliver froze, a frown falling on his face. His dad's car was in the driveway. Oh? What day was it again? Oh fuck, it was Friday. Of course. Just his fucking luck. He sighed.

Things with his father were pretty tense. Always had been, since he could remember. Ever since his father figured out the possibility that Oliver didn't like women, things got weird between them, their exchanged words becoming nothing more than bitter comments. That, however, was a story for another time.

Oliver got inside, shutting the door behind him softly. The house was silent like it always was when one of his parents weren't home. Well, usually the house wasn't as silent when his mom was home with them but... There was always an unsettling feeling, just not when was just him and Tom.

Speaking of, little snickers sat by the door, assuring Oliver that his father picked Tom up. He sighed tiredly. Oliver padded up to the stairs, stopping when he heard a scoff behind him. He turned his head to look at his father, who was eyeing him up, an instant frown coming upon his face.

"Flowers are girly things," he spoke bitterly, gazing at Oliver's throat. Oliver pursed his lips. Flowers were cool and he wasn't a fucking girl last time he checked. That comment ticked him off for some reason, even if he was tired of feeling so much in so little time.

"Yeah well, I'm not a girl if you haven't realised," Oliver muttered, turning to go walk up the stairs. He usually didn't talk back, never, but at this point, he couldn't give a single shit anymore. The raging storm that kept happening inside his brain kept him blind to even realise what was occurring, what he was doing. It's like he wasn't on his own body no longer.

"Hey! Don't talk back to me," his father spoke sternly. Oliver sighed, clenching his jaw. He went up a single step. "You look like a faggot with this stupid tattoo."

Oliver froze. A faggot. He grasped the handrail tightly, turning to look at his father with the harshest glare. Angry. Angry because he himself had used that damned word before with the same amount of bitterness, angry because, because of that word, that mindset, he had lost his chance at being finally loved by someone, hurt because he had lost Joshua just minutes priorly. Who the fuck did that old man thought he was?!

"Yeah and that shirt makes you look like a pig," he spat, turning around and crossing his arms, eyes widening. "Oh wait, it's not the shirt, is it?" He scoffed. His face fell quickly, though.

Oliver really did not mean to say that. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He swallowed, his arms quickly dropped to his sides, back hunching over. He held his breath. Fuck his mouth for speaking before his brain could process the words, fuck his fucking word vomit.

"What the fuck did you just said?" His father asked calmly, taking little steps closer to Oliver. He shrunk harder, lungs caving in deeper.

"N-noth-"

Oliver's head flung to the side harshly, making him stumble back, lose his balance and hit the wall. He held back a shuttering gasp, the side of his face heating up quickly, stinging badly to the point where he almost teared up. He held back, though.

" _You_ will _no_ t _disrespect your father_ like this."

Oliver slowly turned his head to look at him, tongue between his teeth, face set hard. He was raging. Raging so much that he couldn't stand not doing anything. At that moment, he would definitely be able to hit his father back. But he managed to hold back.

"You will burn in hell with all those faggots," his father spat, finger on Oliver's face, so close, seething, narrowed mind visible through those evil, careless eyes.

Oliver understood, then. He understood that the things he had been taught were wrong weren't wrong at all, they were just the sight of a miserable person who couldn't bear to see others' happiness. He understood that people were murdered, slaughtered, oppressed and pushed into leaving this life because someone else simply didn't like who they were. Now that he knew what it was like to be on both ends of that outrageously foolish fight human beings had set on between themselves, he could finally have a completely different perspective, though all of that realization came up to him in a matter of seconds and he was yet to grasp them.

"Did you understand me?!" His father seethed, grasping his jaw and almost making him stumble again. Oliver swallowed, hard eyes darkening even more.

" _Yes, father,_ " Oliver spat unwillingly, gaze capable of burn and break. His father let go of him, glare just as heated. His father scoffed.

"What a waste," he scowled, turning around to walk away. Oliver watched with heavy eyes, trembling hands closing into a fist. He breathed in slowly. He gritted his teeth, turning around hastily, slamming the side of his fist on the wall, making a hast turn to go upstairs. Oliver froze in the steps, though.

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~ **(a lil safer now ❤)**

Teary blue eyes gazed back at him in a way that broke his heart. Oliver swallowed, shifting on his feet, breathing in softly. The anger seemed to mould up and turn into worry.

"Tommy," Oliver whispered weakly, watching as his little brother clutched a stuffy that Oliver managed to give him hidden from their parents. God knows what they would say about him, a boy, having a stuffed animal. Tom gulped, slowly walking down the stairs, stopping in a few above from the one Oliver was in, staying face to face with him.

"Why did he hurt you?" Tom sniffed, clutching his gift closer, bottom lip trembling. Thomas was too sensitive for his own sake. Oliver breathed out.

"Because... Because he..." He sighed. "He's not a good person."

Tom nodded, gazing down.

"I don't wanna be here then," Tom mumbled. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Oliver softened. He loved their relationship. Thomas, despite the early age, seemed to understand that Oliver tried to protect him from the world. He seemed to understand that maybe, just maybe, it was them both against the world. Really, he told Oliver before that he felt small and Oliver understood. He knew what it was like. He just hated how he let his brother understand him when he was so young.

"How about we go on for a walk, hm?" Oliver asked softly, grasping his little hand with care. "We'll go see Eric, what do you think?" Tom seemed to think for a second.

"Can we get you ice cream after?" Oliver smiled. It came easy, delicate. Even if it hurt to smile, for Tom's sake, he did it. Oliver nodded.

"We'll definitely get ice cream, angel."

So quickly, before their father realised, they left the house. With Tom on his shoulders and hands on his little legs, Oliver pretended to be a horse for the first part of the walk. He wanted to hear Tom laughing, not sounding so sad like he did. Oliver wished he had realised earlier that Thomas was there, watching, so he could have avoided that scene altogether. But he didn't, and now he hoped that Tom could forget it.

Moments later and they were getting inside the tattoo shop, Oliver slowly letting Tom down. His eyes flickered to the cash register and he could feel the smile slipping away as fast as the light.

Kellin was watching him with this sort of nervous stare though he tried to hide it with pretension. His expression fell, though, once he caught a glimpse of the side of Oliver's face. He focused on Oliver's face intently, a curious and worried look getting on his face.

"Is Eric here?" Oliver asked in a grumble, no longer able to meet Kellin's eyes. Somehow in the entirety of that day, he had slipped away from Oliver's mind completely since Oliver was focused on keeping Tom happy and that only. But his insides seemed to twist once he saw Kellin. Joshua is happy, he told himself, I should be too. But no matter what he told himself, it wouldn't make it easier.

"Yeah, he's on the back," Kellin mumbled. "One second," and Kellin quickly walked into the back, coming back a few moments later with a smiley Eric behind. Though that smile, just like Kellin's, fell as soon as he saw the redness of Oliver's face and even how it was a little swollen.

"Come on," Eric urged, concern spread all over his face. Oliver nodded but then he glanced at Thomas. The little kid seemed out of place and Oliver really didn't want to leave him alone nor bring him with them.

"I can take care of him," Kellin offered. Oliver glanced at him, holding back the urge to scoff and roll his eyes. He was about to decline as politely as he could but possibly with too much bitterness but Eric called him again. Oliver glanced at the three of them before he sighed slowly, nodding hesitantly. A glance to Tom and he pursed his lips.

"Please behave," Oliver patted his hair. "If something happens, scream, yeah? I'll be right back."

So Oliver went to follow Eric, who had disappeared from his sight, but he stopped beside Kellin, shifting sourly on his feet.

"Josh trusts you," Oliver blurted, staring at a spot in front of him. "So I will too. Don't let me down." Oliver walked away, not once gazing back at Kellin because he knew he would become much more of a mess if he did so. Kellin pursed his lips, glancing back at Tom. He smiled friendly.

Oliver breathed out, sitting down on the sofa that Eric's studio had, crossing his legs and staring down at his feet.

"He did it again, didn't he?" Eric hummed, on the other side of the studio, organizing some things. Oliver could hear the bitter anger in his voice and it made him sigh softly. It was good that Eric cared, even a little. He was like Oliver's personal living diary.

"Yes," Oliver said softly, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. Now that the adrenaline had worn down and he didn't have to pretend for his brother, he could feel the build-up emotion ready to crumble down on him and he knew that he might end up suffocating.

"What happened?" Eric asked in a knowing tone. Almost in an angry "I told you", though that anger wasn't towards Oliver.

"He called me a faggot," Oliver let his eyes slip shut, arms crossed as his leg moved from side to side slowly. "I snapped. I opened my stupid big mouth again. Called him a pig."

Eric laughed, covering his mouth with his hand before he took a deep breath clearing his throat.

"Well, you're not wrong," he said amused. Oliver smiled a little, sighing.

"Then he hit me," Oliver went on. "Said I'll burn in hell with all the other... Gay people. Told me I'm a waste. The usual," Oliver jokes on the end, though there was just a sarcasm in his lips. Eric wasn't laughing. No trace of a smile on his lips. He sighed.

"You know it's not true, right?" Eric spoke tiredly, moving to sit down beside Oliver. The teen opened his eyes, gazing up at his friend with an emotional yet held back look. He nodded. Eric sighed. "No, kid. Don't lie."

"I'm not," Oliver said softly. "I know it's not true. I see it now," he moved so his eyes were on the ceiling again. Oliver wanted to cry but there were no tears in him. He was feeling so much, too much. But all of those harsh muddled up feelings were too overpowering of the other that it just turned into a numb feeling. It was weird.

Things went silent for a moment of Oliver too lost into himself before Eric put a hand on his shoulder.

"On a scale of one to ten, how okay are you?" He mumbled, sad stare over Oliver.

"I... I don't know," Oliver shrugged. Eric cursed under his breath. "I just need to sleep."

"Do you wanna go take a nap on my car or here?" Oliver quickly shook his head.

"Tom's outside. I'll go with him somewhere else and then we'll go back to the house when mum's home."

"Okay. Are you sure you don't want me to punch him?" Oliver chuckled, shaking his head.

"Karma will get to him," Oliver nodded positively. "I just hope I don't get stuck in the middle." Oliver hopped up, sighing again. "So I'll be going. I just... I needed to talk. Thank you for listening again," Oliver smiled gratefully, shaking Eric's hand.

"We're buds, don't thank me," Eric winked. Oliver chuckled, nodding. "The punching offer is still available."

Oliver nodded with a smile. He knew that Eric was serious. But... He had enough of violence. He had enough of feeling. He just needed to breathe, now.

"Bye," Oliver waved, walking back outside tiredly. He blinked, surprised at his little brother happily colouring away on the sofa with Kellin doing the same beside him. He weakened. Josh was in good hands.

Kellin glanced up when he got in, slowly standing up before he walked to stand in front of Oliver.

Oliver was tired. Too tired to deal with that bullshit. He knew that Kellin would probably brag about Joshua so he just let his shoulders slump and his head fall forward. Of course that something else had to happen. It was as if he was paying for every sin of his life in one single day.

"Joshua misses you," Kellin said, tilting his head as he watched Oliver intently. Oliver blinked, looking up at him with confusion. Kellin had this apologetic stare on his eyes. "You two should talk and get things right. Maybe like that, you'll finally get together."

Oliver stared at him dumbfounded, tilting his head as he glanced around before he focused back on Kellin.

"Why are you telling me to get together with your boyfriend?" Kellin raised his eyebrows, taken aback.

"Excuse me?" Kellin frowned. "My boyfriend?"

"Uh, yeah? You both are dating aren't you?" Oliver said confusedly. Kellin quickly burst out laughing, making Oliver even more lost.

"What are you talking about?" Kellin wheezed. "Did you completely missed the part of everything that Josh did for you?"

Oliver shifted on his feet awkwardly, frown prominent. What?

"Dude, Joshua fell for you too hard to be with someone else," Kellin shook his head, an amused smile on his face. "Besides, I don't date," Kellin shrugged. Oh? Oliver pondered for a moment of Kellin's words. He bit his lip. They weren't together? Joshua really did like him, Kellin said... Was Oliver really being a fool all this time? He was indeed, but he wasn't aware of his self-sabotage part that simply pushed him down all the time that the chance of him being happy showed up.

Oliver wasn't sure if what Kellin was saying was true but... If he did have a chance with Josh, he would try his damn hardest to not screw that up.

Oliver glanced at Tom, going into thinking for a moment. It was like it didn't click in his head that they weren't together. He sighed. He really needed to sleep. He could stress about that later.


	17. Chapter 17

Oliver did take a nap that afternoon. Soon after they left the tattoo shop, they went back home. Like Oliver hoped, their mom was home, which meant that his father wouldn't do anything. So he locked himself in his room, Thomas following and taking a nap too.

Because he didn't put on an alarm or something, he woke up late at night – two am to be precise. He knew he couldn't go back to sleep. So he sat upon his bed, resting back on the wall, sighing softly.

The good part about all of that is that he wasn't hysteric anymore. He could finally think right. He thought over what Kellin said, over what Joshua said, over what happened with them both, over what happened with his father. By the time the sun was rising, it was like a new Oliver was rising along.

He knew that his father wasn't someone to follow the steps, he just felt bad for not realising it on the first time that it happened. It would have saved so much heartache and headache. But maybe things were supposed to happen like that.

Oliver understood that Joshua actually liked him. Kellin had no reason to lie nor did Joshua. But he was confused over where those two stood over.

Oliver also understood that he probably wasn't gay; he tried thinking about men and it just... Wasn't right. He did the same with women, too. It also wasn't right. But it was okay. Oliver didn't have to stress out over that. As long as he had Joshua, it didn't really matter to him.

He remembered that his life was about to change, too. It was his last year in school and they were already close to the end of the year. He had so much to think about, to decide for his future. He didn't want to go to college but he would, probably. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do. But his strongest guess would be to study English. Or history. He loved history. But he would let time tell.

And he had to put his mouth under control. That was what he thought the most. No speaking unless asked and necessary, no snarky comments. Though it was harder to do than to say. But he would try his best.

So maybe he wasn't a new person; many of those things had already been changing over time, he just wasn't aware. He felt different. Whether that was a good thing or not, it didn't matter, he just did.

He was set on something, though. The first thing he would do would be talking to Joshua. That was something he would not procrastinate on. Even if it scared him shitless.

He waited. When nine am came, he was sure that Joshua was up already and, well, Oliver was too damn eager. He ate breakfast and enjoyed the fact that it was the weekend, getting on some proper clothes before he messed with his hair, quickly leaving his house to go to Joshua's after telling his mom.

They needed to talk about everything. And it was nerve-wracking. It would be fine.

Oliver knocked on the door, scratching his head awkwardly as he waited. He always felt awkward waiting for someone. In a few moments, Josh's father opened the door, smiling friendly at Oliver.

"Hey!" He cheered, letting Oliver in. Josh's parents were good people and Oliver liked them a lot. They liked Oliver too, which was a plus. "Josh is in his room," Mr Franceschi told, padding to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

"No, no, I ate before coming, thank you," Oliver nodded. "I'll go upstairs now." And Oliver was jogging up to Josh's room with a small smile to the man. He breathed out once he got face to face with Joshua's door, hesitant to knock. He didn't want to barge in, afraid of what he might find. Oliver knocked softly.

"What is it?" Josh groaned inside, complaining a little under his breath. He had a late-night, couldn't people let him laze around a little more?

"Open up," Oliver hesitantly asked softly, biting his lip nervously. He heard things going absolutely silent for a few seconds before harsh scrambling came and a thump, followed by Josh's 'ouch!'. It made Oliver snort a little, but he quickly hid it away when Josh opened his door. "Morning," Oliver smiled.

"Oliver," Joshua breathed out, almost too amazed. He threaded one hand through his curls, eyes wide as he stared at Oliver in disbelief, face coated with sleep, little red marks all over one side of his face, hair all over the place. "Holy fuck, look, I need to explain, okay? Listen to me, I swear that what happened yesterday-"

Oliver cut Joshua's nervous rambling by placing a finger on his lips, Oliver's lips curling up in amusement.

"Breathe, Joshua," Oliver chuckled, making Josh's face soften and get a nod out of him.

"Come on," Josh opened the door wider, letting Oliver in. He shut the door behind him, watching as Oliver sat down on the foot of his bed. Josh was quick to get into his bed again and Oliver couldn't help but gaze over his exposed lower half. He kept his eyes on Josh's face, though, as Josh crossed his legs, facing Oliver.

"Oliver," Josh spoke sympathetically. "I'm sorry for yesterday," Josh sighed. Oliver shook his head.

" _I'm_ sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have barged in like that. I... Just didn't expect you to... Be so busy," Oliver shrugged uncomfortably, eyes away from Josh's face, making him sigh.

"I- I wasn't." The deadpan from Oliver made him frown harder. "I wasn't, Oliver."

Oliver sighed, shaking his head.

"Joshua, it's okay," Oliver spoke gently. "It's not like we're together or something," he smiled a little too sad. Josh stared at him, shifting on his spot as he stood silent for a few seconds.

"So... You take back?" Joshua asked softly, eyes cast down. Oliver frowned.

"Take what back?" Oliver tilted his head, shifting so one of his legs was completely on the bed and his body was facing Josh.

"You know," Josh fiddled with the sheets, biting his lip softly. "Take your little 'be my boyfriend' proposal," Josh gazed at Oliver nervously, eyes far too soft. Oliver blinked, suddenly looking away.

"I was hoping you hadn't seen that," Oliver mumbled, sighing a little. He pursed his lips.

He didn't want to take it back but now that he was actually confronting Joshua about it, it was far too scary. The real thing was too damn bone-chilling.

"I saw it all," Josh said softly, leaning in and placing one hand on Oliver's thigh. "It was the most lovely thing I have ever seen," he confessed.

Oliver blinked, eyes widening a little before he turned his head to stare at Joshua with surprise.

"Really?" Oliver mumbled. He didn't mind how close they were, it made his heart speed up. Josh smiled softly.

"Really," Josh spoke softly. "I loved it, Oliver. And... I sure as hell would love to be your boyfriend," he whispered.

Sweet unguarded blue eyes opened up for hazel ones, telling wordless secrets with such softness that easily cradled Oliver in the warmest, most gentle way. Oliver gulped, his heart fluttering. And it's not like Oliver's eyes were shielded, too. They spoke back those same wordless secrets, so clear and accessible for Joshua only. Josh felt warm all over.

"Really?" Oliver asked softly once more, almost too dumb. Joshua chuckled softly, nodding. Oliver could feel his heart swelling at the sight of that squinted blue stare.

"Really," Josh mumbled once more, eyes fluttering a little, just like Oliver's. Seconds later and there was no space between their lips, softly pressed up against each other.

Everything was soft at that moment, everything was heavenly flawless. Oliver allowed his hand to land on top of Joshua's, slowly lacing his fingers between Joshua's, his other hand going up to cradle Josh's face. Josh sighed, his other hand going up to weave through Oliver's hair.

Their hands remained still, simply sitting there, lips barely moving, just connected, making those love-coated teenagers even more bound. Oliver let himself pull back a little, eyes fluttering open as he watched Josh, weakly squeezing his hand. Josh smiled a little bit, eyes twinkling brightly.

"I'm glad," Oliver spoke silently. "But... Josh..." Oliver's smile slipped away, making Joshua's do too, worry quickly taking over. Oh god, what happened? Of course it was all too sweet to be true.

"What is it, Oliver?" Josh rubbed his thumb on the back of Oliver's hand, making him sigh.

"I'm sorry but..." Oliver glanced up at Joshua, unable to hold the edge of his lips down. "Your breath stinks."

"Oh my god!" Joshua exclaimed, his face quickly flushing as he hit Oliver's arm. Oliver burst out laughing, making Josh huff and groan and roll his eyes but feeling so damn good for hearing that amazing sound. "You suck," Josh grumbled. Oliver snorted loudly.

"What? I'm just being a good boyfriend," Oliver declared amusedly. A smile rose to Josh's face as soon as he heard Oliver's words. Boyfriend...

"Well," Josh huffed, standing up. "You won't get any more kisses then," Josh said, making a sorrowful, disappointed face. Oliver's face fell.

"I- I was joking!" Oliver exclaimed, standing up, eyes amusingly frantic. Josh shook his head with a heavy sigh, going to his bathroom. Oliver followed him quickly, a worried look on his face. Josh glanced back at him as he grasped the door, going to close it. "Joshua!" Oliver whined. Josh laughed loudly, making Oliver frown.

"Okay, since you're so desperate," Josh pronounced. "You'll be getting them." Josh could feel his face heating up at the way Oliver's eyes lightened up. He slowly shut the door, shaking his head at Oliver. Though once the door was locked, Joshua screamed silently, quickly jumping up and down all around the bathroom, throwing his fist in the air and whooping soundlessly.

 _Fuck yeah, he had a boyfriend_! _Suck it up, world!!!_


	18. Chapter 18

Bliss. Oliver felt pure bliss. It was like he and Joshua were in this warm little bubble on the top of the world, spending their first official day together. They watched stuff and cuddled and joked and kissed and Oliver was so fucking sure that he never felt such thing like that and possibly wouldn't ever again without Joshua. Josh was like his oasis in the middle of the Sahara.

Oliver couldn't be happier. Joshua saw that and it made him the most joyous he had ever been too. They seemed to be an infinite source of contentment to the other and it was envious to watch.

Oliver had to go home in the afternoon. It didn't bring him down from his high, though. Oliver felt like nothing could. So after warm and long kisses from Joshua, which only made him want to stay there for longer, he managed to go home, the small giddy smile remaining all the way. Once he was home, the door shut behind him, he allowed himself to rest back on it, stuck into a daze as he relished on the feeling of Joshua lingering all over him.

"What are you doing?"

Oliver snapped out of his daze, his smile disappearing though the warmth stood there.

"Nothing," Oliver shrugged at his mom, that stared at him weirdly but faintly amused. She nodded, watching as Oliver plopped down on the couch.

"You're home early," Oliver noted at her, licking his lips over and over. She quirked one eyebrow at him.

"It's six and a half already," she hummed, crossing her legs, her arms on the back of the couch. Oliver blinked. Already? Time flew by so quickly, he didn't even realise it. Oh well, it's not like he had any regret.

"Okay," Oliver shrugged, focusing ahead of him, sighing softly, unable to stop messing with his own lips. He was addicted to the feeling of Joshua on them. "How was your day?" Oliver asked his mom after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh," she waved her hand. "The same old stuff. You know," she shrugged then sighed. "And yours?"

"Oh, it was... Pretty good," Oliver shrugged too, biting down the smile that was begging to spread across his lips. She hummed, focusing back on the television. Things went silent after that. Usually, that was the most amount of conversation they had and Oliver sort of wished he could have more time with his mom because she was cool but he understood that she couldn't bail off on her work so easily.

"Hey," Oliver called, turning to gaze at her as she did the same. "What are you doing next week?" He hummed, watching as she thought.

"Working a lot," she said. "No breaks, again."

Oliver nodded. It wasn't weird of him to ask stuff like that so she wasn't too questioning. Though he didn't ask just to ask but rather to know if he could ask for them to go out and watch a movie or something. He never asked, though, because she was always busy. But Oliver understood. Always had, always will.

He was too happy to mind, though. So maybe that's what he pushed him to ask what he never did.

"What if we go out next week?" Oliver gazed at her again, half there and half with Josh. She looked at him.

"I told you, Oliver," she blinked lazily. "I can't." Oliver nodded, hummed.

"Okay," he said simply. And that was it. After a few minutes of them both watching, Tom came down, a paper on his face as he smiled wide. He saw Oliver and his smile widened.

"Look!" Thomas quickly jumped up beside Oliver, showing up a set of sketches who were fairly good. Oliver smile.

"Oh my god, little dude!" Oliver gasped, making Thomas giggle a little. "It's so amazing!"

Well, it took a few seconds for Oliver to understand that it was a dinosaur but it was still rather impressive. Oliver would always cheer on Tom whenever he came up to Oliver to show him something that he was passionate about, always compliment whatever he was doing. He didn't want Tom to think that his passions weren't important. He knew what it was like to be proud of something and to go show someone important to you just to see them dismissing it without a care. Oliver would be damned if he let Thomas grow up to believe that everything he did was foolish.

"Thank you!" Thomas exclaimed, giggling as he watched Oliver 'analysing' his drawing intently before he nodded approvingly. Oliver gave him the drawing back, making the overly excited child jump a little before he went to his mom, showing it to her.

"It's very good," she praised, her heavy eyes not moving from the screen. Thomas faltered a little, though keeping his smile. He looked back at the drawing wonderingly.

"Can you draw one of these for me?!" Oliver said with a big grin, relaxing when he saw the full-blown happiness coming back to Thomas' face.

"Okay!" Tom exclaimed, quickly scurrying up the stairs. Oliver sighed, glancing at his mother. He sighed again. His mood came down a little though he was still on the clouds. Nothing could destroy that happiness. Though he doubted that once he heard the door unlocking and his mom tensing beside him, annoyance coming up on her face.

As if on cue, Oliver stood up, quickly walking up to his room. As much as he tried to be closer to his mom he could never get close to his father. It's not like he wanted to, anymore. Before Joshua came out, Oliver would also try desperately but he knew now that it would only hurt him more in the end.

But it didn't matter. He was finally loved, he finally felt loved by someone and that was amazing. Maybe that's why he was so damn obsessed with Joshua now but it's not like Joshua was complaining. He loved the attention that Oliver gave him too. It made him squeal and laugh goofily to himself on his room, flapping his legs around as a great warmth flooded inside of him. It was the best feeling ever and Joshua was loving every moment of it.

Though both of them weren't aware of how love felt, Oliver more than not, they were so damn sure of themselves that they were already beginning to fall. Because it was all that cliche, for both of them; the fluttering heart, the warm chest, the good nervousness, the dry mouth and the will to make the other laugh and be happy. They both were starting to fall and they were vaguely aware but they didn't mind one bit.

They loved it with their entire beings and they loved the other with their entire being, always had – even if the love was mainly platonic on the beginning.

A buzz from his phone made Oliver break out of his daze and roll up to the side to check his phone. A small ecstatic laugh broke on his lips, making him flush up with embarrassment. He ignored it, quickly opening Josh's message.

_I miss u already 😩_

Oliver bit his lip, his smile so wide that his cheek hurt. Though he didn't mind it.

_I miss u so much more bby 😔_

Oliver sighed joyfully, gulping to himself. He waited patiently for Josh to answer, which was a matter of seconds because Joshua, just like Oliver, was so eager to talk to him, waiting patiently for Oliver's answer.

_U know what?_

_Fuck it I'm coming over_

Oliver blinked, sitting up as a pleased sigh fell from his lips. He quickly got off of his bed, running downstairs, though he froze hearing his mom's loud voice on the kitchen saying not so good things, his father's voice coming up too.

Was it a good idea? To ask for Josh to a sleepover? He shifted on his feet, gulping down his nerves. He didn't care. They would behave, Oliver knew how much they cared for their image. He got into the room, not daring to look at either of the faces who snapped towards him.

"Josh is sleeping over," Oliver announced, quickly scurrying away. His heart ached as he heard his father scoff and say something to his mom about 'how much time Oliver was spending with that faggot'. But he relaxed a little as his mom replied with a louder 'don't say shit like that!'.

Oliver didn't lurk around to listen to more, but he knew that no one was screaming the house down so that was good. Oliver quickly tided up his room, nibbling on his lip as he nervously waited for Josh. Of course, he slept over many times before but... Now it was different. Oliver prepared a place on the floor with many pillows and sheets for himself but... He wondered for a moment how it would be like if they cuddled during the night. His cheeks turned red and he quickly shook his head, pursing his lips.

"Here it is!" Oliver turned to see Tom giving him a paper, looking so damn proud of himself. Oliver smiled big.

"Hell yeah!" Oliver shouted, quickly scurrying to place the paper on the wall with tape. He didn't care that his mom would probably scold him later for getting his wall dirty but he couldn't care less. Thomas held his breath.

"You're– you're putting it on the wall?" Thomas wondered amazed. Oliver chuckled, nodding.

"Of course! It's so good!" Oliver finished taping it up, stepping back to take a look, Thomas doing the same. "It looks so cool in there," Oliver noted.

"Thank you!" Thomas giggled. One glance at him and you could see that he was on the top of the world, shining with pride and gleaming with joy. It made Oliver smile because he knew that Tom deserved to feel good. Oliver messed with Thomas' hair, making the little one giggle and swat his hand away.

"Little one," Oliver hummed. "Josh is coming over today," he told, a fond smile falling on his face. "Try not to get into my room, yeah? We will be busy with school and stuff so we need to focus."

Well, they weren't going to be doing school stuff but Oliver couldn't risk having Tom walking in on them making out. God knows what would happen. Thomas hummed, nodding, still with a wide smile, that showed his missing top teeth.

"Okay!" Thomas said. "I'll be in my room making more drawings!"

"Okay," Oliver chuckled. "Have fun!"

"I will!" And with that, Thomas scurried into his room. Oliver plopped down on his bed, sighing softly. Minutes later and Josh was barging into his room, face scrunched up.

"Josh!" Oliver smiled wide, making Josh smile just as much. Oliver sat up against the headboard.

"Hey babe," Josh hummed, taking a harsh breath as he boldly sat up on top of Oliver, making both of them flush a little bit before Josh was wrapping his arms around Oliver, pecking his lips. They were badly addicted. Not that either of them minded.

So they talked and cuddled some more, kissing and even making out at some point, but Oliver was far too paranoid for his dad being home so he didn't do much until he got up and locked the door. Though it was too late, so they both agreed to go to bed, despite their wishes of staying up with the other. 

So the lights were off and Oliver was on the ground and Joshua was on the bed, both of them with their eyes open in the darkness, a little too nervous to sleep. Josh took a deep breath, finally getting the courage to ask what he wanted ever since he noticed the sheets on the ground.

"Oli?" Josh called softly, making him hum. "Can- can you sleep up here with me?" He held his breath as he heard Oliver's hitching.

"Uh, yes," Oliver said. It made Josh smile at the obvious shyness on his voice because it showed that he wasn't the only one nervous over something new. Josh scooted over, shifting so he was facing away from Oliver as the latter crawled on the bed, under the covers with Josh. After a few seconds of struggling internally, Oliver scooted closer, wrapping one arm around Josh and pulling him flush against him. Joshua smiled wide, backing into Oliver with a pleased sigh.

"Goodnight," Josh chirped. Oliver smiled softly.

"Goodnight," he mumbled back. It was amazing how warm and comfortable Josh being so close to him made him. He absolutely loved that. Really, Oliver couldn't ask to be somewhere else. 

During his entire life, he felt invisible since he could remember. Now that Joshua was giving him that heart-melting smile that was directed for him and him only, he felt... Seen. Joshua saw Oliver and that was the most precious thing for Oliver. He loved the attention that Josh gave him, loved the smiles and laughs, the hugs and kisses, the _love_ that Josh gave him. _Oliver loved him._

So with that happiness blooming in him, with that warmth and comfort, Oliver was quick to embrace sleep. Even if he was living in a dream at that moment.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual content ahead :^)

Seconds after Joshua woke up from a distancing dream, he couldn't help the spreading smile over his sunshine-covered face. The tenderness grew as he felt Oliver's arm so tightly wrapped around him and his head resting on top of Oliver's other arm, their bodies flushed as close as they could be. Though, as his mind began to register more than just the bare minimum, his eyes grew wide, his face went red.

He could feel everything and more by being so close to Oliver, and by that I meant _everything._ From Oliver's heavy breathing on his scalp, his nose resting atop his head as well as his shirt-covered torso on his back and he couldn't help but pay special attention to, well, Oliver's morning wood which was caused by Joshua even if he didn't know that, pressed up tightly against Josh's butt.

He felt vaguely awkward at the same time he felt his heart quickening from the millions of possibilities, each dirtier than the prior. Joshua didn't do anything for a few moments before he pursed his lips, slowly shifting even closer to Oliver, making sure to pay attention to their lower half especially. Joshua froze, eyes widening as Oliver's hand, that was resting on his tummy started to take off south. It made Joshua hold his breath, lips parted as his skin began tingling and his chest began flouring. Though, much to Josh's dismay, Oliver's hand stopped on his happy trail.

"Don't do that," Oliver rasped, accent heavier than normal, voice coated with sleep and arousal, something that Joshua never heard before but definitely would love to hear more. Josh bit his lip. It was so filthy, it was so dirty and intimate for them and maybe the fact that no one but them knew what was happening made Joshua flare-up. Anything could happen at that moment and no one but them would know. It could be their dirty little secret.

"Do what?" Josh muttered darkly, a mischievous glint forming on his eyes. "This?" He hummed, grinding back on Oliver, biting his tongue delightedly at the sound of his breath hitching. Oliver's fingers dug slightly on his skin.

"Exactly that," Oliver spat through gritted teeth. Joshua quickly freed his tongue, eyes heaving as he inhaled through his lips, heart pounding with excitement. He smirked.

"Okay," Joshua hummed, dirtily moving his hips, grinning lustfully as Oliver panted, hands shivering slightly. Though Joshua quickly shifted away from Oliver, holding back a chuckle. He turned his upper body towards Oliver, seeing his face filled with shock and confusion.

Joshua snickered a little, watching happily as Oliver's eyes darkened, jaw clenching. That look made Joshua shiver slightly before he was shifting to face Oliver completely, an innocent look on his face.

"Good morning," Joshua grinned, lips curling harder as Oliver glared him down. As Oliver didn't answer, Josh moved closer to Oliver once again, throwing his leg on top of Oliver's, though making sure to keep it on his thigh, his hand on Oliver's chest as he leaned in so their noses were brushing together.

Joshua softened as Oliver did too, putting his hand that was on Oliver's chest on his jaw, easily leaning in to press their lips together. Oliver sighed a little, making Josh smile. Oliver did too, letting his hand that wasn't under Josh's head go to rest on his side, contradicting the entire mood he was on as he gently rubbed Josh's skin through his shirt.

It didn't remain gentle, however. Josh let his hand fall down from Oliver's jaw to his neck, deepening the kiss whilst his hand moved to Oliver's chest. Oliver tasted like morning if that made sense. No, it wasn't coffee and toast as many would think, it was just a neutral taste, like water and tongue. He just tasted like Oliver and it made Josh's breath hitch.

So Oliver furrowed his eyebrows, almost breaking the kiss with how heavy he was breathing, feeling his core tighten as Josh's fingertips traced his entire stomach, stilling right on top of the waistband of his sweatpants. Joshua pulled away little, wide blue eyes fluttering open as they intently stared at Oliver as Josh dared to let his fingertips wander even more below, getting under the waistband.

Oliver could barely breathe. His heart was speeding as much as it could possibly go, his entire being fluttering with agitated flames, eyes on Josh's in a rather reassuring way as Joshua let his fingers trace over his base. Oliver's heavy and quick breathing was the only thing both of them heard besides their own hearts, both eyes wide, though Joshua was with curiosity and attention and Oliver's was with anticipation and nerves.

Josh leaned in again, hastily taking Oliver's lips on his before he slowly slid his hand down, grasping Oliver carefully though still firmly. It made Oliver groan on his mouth at the so foreign touch, his fingers sinking on Joshua's side once more as Josh began moving his hand, his entire core tingling and itching in the best way, sensations never felt before quickly pumping all over his bloodstreams, his teeth sinking not too harshly on Joshua's bottom lip, Oliver moaning slightly and Joshua breathing out a noise.

Oliver suddenly broke the kiss, spreading his legs further as his upper half leaned to hover above Joshua's, his elbow beside their heads as Oliver eagerly slipped his tongue on Joshua's mouth, his slender fingers leaving his skin just to fist his shirt on the same place his hand was before, eagerly thrusting his hips against Joshua's hand. So fucking good. Joshua was making Oliver feel so fucking good in a way he had never felt before, he was making his entire body burn and crash in the most delightful way, he was making Oliver fall apart so easily.

And it's not like Oliver was the only one enjoying himself, Joshua's gay heart was very so much blossoming all over as he felt Oliver's thigh between his legs, pushing up against his hard-on in a way that made it hard to breathe, his hand speeding up slightly, making Oliver moan a little too loudly. Oliver's pleasured little moans and sighs were what kept Joshua grounded at the same time it easily took Joshua downwards into an ocean of their lust and affection, though it was so easy to breathe under.

Josh took huge breaths as Oliver parted their lips once more just to let his head fall beside Joshua's yet still facing him, feeling deep shivers inside his stomach as Josh fished him out of his constrictions, moving his hand more freely and getting more wet noises out of that action and Oliver.

Oliver furrowed his eyebrows, eyes shut tightly as his mouth stood parted, his hair all over his face, cheeks flushing visibly, moaning breathlessly. Joshua watched aroused every reaction of Oliver's, unconsciously grinding down on Oliver's thigh as he throbbed into his constrictions, panting harshly as he allowed his hand to stop at the tip, thumbing the slit as his fingers tightened just enough to make Oliver's eyes blow wide, his entire body suddenly tensing and spasming as he stared deep inside Joshua's soul with eyes that started to squint, making a huge mess all over his shirt and Joshua's hand.

Josh held his breath, eyes rounding up once more as he let himself rub his thumb just a little harder and quicker, making Oliver's eyes roll back and his back arch as he silently orgasmed, before he managed to catch his breath back, ready to cry out with the large amount of pleasure he felt, so fucking good yet overwhelming, a good kind of overwhelming. Joshua, however, realised that, as much as he would _love_ to listen to Oliver's noises, it would be an _awful_ idea to let him moan too loudly. So he quickly leaned up, covering Oliver's mouth with his free hand just in time for him to moan and cry out, eyes slipping shut once more.

Josh glanced over, eyes still wide as he watched Oliver's pulsing dick twitching and leaking between his fingers, feeling it pulsing in a way that almost made Joshua whimper. It was a pretty sight and feeling for his gay little heart.

That was _insane_. Oliver went limp on the bed, taking a huge breath as Josh let go of him, gulping and cleaning his hand on Oliver's dirty shirt, lips pursed as he stared almost desperately at a recovering Oliver in his sitting position.

His eyes fluttered open, his cheeks still red as he gazed at Joshua, who stared at him pleadingly. After a few seconds of nothing but their heavy breathing, Oliver blinked, inhaling as he sat up, quickly getting rid of the shirt since he could feel the stickiness on his skin. He threw it on the ground before he sat upon his knees, eyes snapping hungrily towards Joshua as he put himself back into his pants, even if it was a little uncomfortable.

Fuck it.

Oliver was quickly leaning in to take Joshua's lips on his, hands grasping Joshua's shirt harshly as he kissed him intensely, boldly moving his leg so he was straddling Josh's thighs.

Now, Oliver never jerked off someone else before. Really, he barely jerked off himself, but he was a man on a mission now; he _needed_ to make Joshua feel as good as he possibly could with an inexperienced handjob.

Oliver would be damned if he didn't pleasure Joshua. Even if it made him worry that he wouldn't be able to do such a thing.

"Wait," Josh mumbled between kisses, even if he was desperately aching beneath Oliver. "Oliver, wait-"

Oliver, in fact, didn't wait, pushing Joshua down on the mattress, still frantically kissing him as he quickly grasped Josh's shirt, pushing it upwards Joshua's body before he pulled out, sitting on top of Josh.

"Take it off," Oliver breathed heavily, dark eyes glued on Joshua's every movement in a way that made him flush and nod, squirming a little as he got rid of his shirt. Oliver was conscious enough to know that Joshua hadn't brought another shirt. Even if Oliver wouldn't mind borrowing Josh one of his. Oliver hummed, shifting so he sat on Joshua's upper thighs almost teasingly because he knew that if he leaned in they would definitely brush together and maybe that was what Oliver wanted, despite his sensitivity at the moment.

"Oliver," Joshua breathed out, making Oliver's eyes hood a little bit more before he leaned down, making Joshua gasp and him hold back a moan. Oliver pecked his swollen bottom lip before he littered Joshua's cheek and neck with kisses, gladly using his tongue and teeth on Josh's neck in a way that made him gasp more, his hands clutching the back of Oliver's shirt.

"You-" Josh panted, feeling Oliver move his hips down on his, making him bite his lip to stifle a noise. "Ah, fuck," Joshua tugged him closer, eyes falling shut. Oliver smirked against his neck, feeling the worry leaving as quickly as it came.

"What were you saying?" Oliver asked smugly, biting down on his collarbone, making Joshua whine involuntarily.

"I, I-" Josh inhaled sharply, feeling Oliver's hands freely, easily trace his side as he sucked into his skin, his hand resting on his side as his other reached down, all the way to his member. Oliver shifted back so he wasn't pushed up against Joshua, sitting on top of his thighs once more.

Even if Joshua was breathing so heavily under him, he still gulped down. Was he really about to touch another dude? Wait... Wait, shit, he actually was about to touch a dude sexually.

"You don't gotta," Joshua breathed out upon seeing Oliver's uneasiness. Oliver's eyes flickered to Josh's flushed face. "If it's too much," he exhaled. "You don't need to do anything."

Oliver frowned. He didn't like that Joshua had no release when he just brought Oliver to paradise. No, he would make Joshua fall apart under him just like Joshua did with him and he would be damn proud of it, not questioning it. He had to. He wouldn't let his father ruin what was easily the best moment of his life like that.

So with a sudden rush of anger and frustration, Oliver quickly shifted back, hooking his fingers on Josh's waistband, bringing it down to his lower thighs swiftly. His eyes widened.

_Holy shit, he actually was going to jerk off his boyfriend!_

Oliver gulped, sitting on top of Josh's thighs as he stared down intently, making Joshua flush even more. Oliver slowly brought both hands down on Josh, grasping him up, making his breath hitch. Oliver glanced up at Joshua as he began to move his hands, biting his lip as he watched Joshua's nose wrinkle slightly before he was shutting his eyes with furrowed brows, pouty lips parted.

Oliver's heart pounded quickly as he felt Joshua's heat on his hand, feeling heavy and so rough. It was definitely a weird feeling. Though not as weird as he expected so that was a plus.

"Like this?" Oliver asked softly, suddenly so shy. He wanted to please Joshua even if he wasn't so sure anymore. He... He wanted to make Joshua as satisfied as he remembered Kellin making. _Yes, he was jealous, okay?_

Josh pursed his lips, nodding a little before he choked up a sigh of relief.

"Just, just-" Josh exhaled. "Faster, please."

Oliver was abrupt to follow, moving both of his hands faster, frowning. Joshua would let out a few moans here and there but that wasn't what Oliver wanted. He wanted so much more.

He thought back on what Joshua did and how unbelievably good it was to get his tip played with. So Oliver kept one hand moving up and down as his other trailed up, grasping Joshua's tip, tongue poking out as he focused intently on thumbing Josh's slit whilst still rubbing him. Oliver smiled once Joshua's moans got louder and more prevalent. It was a little hard on the beginning but Oliver quickly got the hang of it, deciding to try to go as quick as he possibly could.

It worked. Joshua quickly covered his mouth with his hand, moaning uncontrollably as he arched his back off the bed, squirming at the overstimulation on his most sensitive part but, _fucking shit,_ it felt _so_ good that Joshua had to clutch the pillow under his head and cover his lips.

Oliver blinked, watching as Joshua arched off the bed one more time before thick stripes of come began shooting out of his tip all over his chest, leaking down on Oliver's hand. Oliver kept moving his hands, making Josh go on for a little longer before it was too much and Josh had to flinch away from Oliver's hold and grasp his wrists, breathing short and light as he stared at the ceiling in a daze.

Seeing Joshua's messy state made Oliver smile wide before he was getting off of Josh, getting his dirty shirt and cleaning both Josh and him before he was plopping down on the bed, beaming at Joshua, who turned his head to stare at Oliver.

"Good morning," Oliver chirped, making Josh smile before he chuckled breathlessly, bringing his pants back up before he was rolling to the other side.

"Cuddle me, you weirdo," Josh mumbled happily, making Oliver laugh and do so.

Oliver was happy indeed. Things were going so good for him. He sighed, kissing Josh's shoulder. After a few minutes of being there and collecting themselves, they went down to eat breakfast after shrugging their clean clothes on, though Joshua needed to get one of Oliver's hoodies to hide the hickeys on his neck, they happily not stumbling with Oliver's father.

Before lunchtime came, Joshua left, not getting questioned on why he had Oliver's hoodie on. It's not like Oliver's mom could tell it was his.

They spend the rest of the day texting and talking. They both were drowning in bliss for being so close, despite them both being dating for only a day. Maybe it was too fast but... They didn't mind. Both of them had been wanting that for a while so neither were overwhelmed in a bad way or felt pressured for the things they did. Though they doubted they both were actually ready to go all the way, they were just enjoying the smooth pace things were getting on.

Oliver was so proud of himself, too. He actually had to hold back a smirk once his father came out of his room. Oliver just went back to his to be with Thomas, washing the shirt with their come on the bathroom later on since he didn't want to risk his parents finding it.

He couldn't stop thinking about Joshua during a single second that day. And he knew that it would be like that for a damn long time.

Oliver didn't mind. He liked the thought. Oliver was hooked.


	20. Chapter 20

As Monday came around, Oliver woke up in a different light. He was beaming off those different vibes whether he realised or not which he didn't. Still. Happily shrugging in a shirt with a band logo on with his tight skinny jeans on, weaving his hands through his long, curly hair, that he didn't straighten because he was too lazy to do so, smiling to himself on the mirror before he was skipping downstairs with pretty twinkling eyes.

After a good morning to his mom, which she didn't reply since she was busy with work stuff, he walked with Thomas to pick Josh up so the three of them could walk to the school together.

Oliver knocked on the door, holding Tom's hand and his bag on his shoulder as he nibbled on his lip and shifted on his feet, eagerly waiting.

Seconds later and Joshua was almost slamming the door on the wall, eyes just as eager as Oliver's. They both exhaled slowly before they smiled brightly.

"Good morning," Oliver mumbled, teeth showing, cheeks high.

"Morning," Josh muttered, shutting the door behind him, leaning in to kiss Oliver but quickly realising Thomas. He grinned more. "Morning, my guy!" Josh messed with Tom's hair, making him pout and try to fix his own hair.

"Morning," Thomas huffed, now letting go of Oliver to fix himself up. The teens chuckled, starting to walk again, Oliver placing his hand on Tom's back for a second so he was following beside them.

The three of them walked mainly in silence, the boyfriends' changing little loving looks. Until they ended up too close, hands brushing together. Joshua smiled even wider as he felt Oliver lacing their pinkies together.

My god, he was so fucking happy.

Joshua brought Oliver's hand to kiss the back of it, making Oliver laugh. Tom glanced at them questioningly, seeing their hands locked together. It was just a meaningless detail on his head so he just kept on looking forward. Meanwhile, Oliver brought Josh's hand up to kiss the back, both of them laughing like fools.

Minutes later and they were all in their school, dropping Tom off on the kid's side before they were going off to find their friends. It had a few minutes before the bell rang so they had the time.

Upon finding Lee messing away on his phone as he leaned in against his locker, that was near their own, the teens greeted him with a clap and a side hug, just going off to take their own stuff before they were leaned in against their lockers, waiting until the others showed up.

"You know," Oliver sighed, gazing at Joshua with this sort of innocent, sort of mischievous look. "I never got a good morning kiss," he sighed disappointedly. Joshua chuckled, shaking his head.

"Do you really want me to kiss you in the middle of everyone?" Josh quirked his eyebrow, watching cheekily as doubt and insecurity crossed on Oliver's face. "I don't think that we're ready to come out like that yet."

It's not like Joshua wanted to hide their relationship, it's just that they were in high school. The teenagers were probably going to end up saying something mean to them and Josh didn't want to end up getting bullied on his last year. Oliver nodded.

"You're right," Oliver mumbled with a frown, looking apologetic at Joshua.

Josh waved it off, standing up straight.

"We can enjoy these little minutes somewhere more private then," Josh mumbled, smirking at Oliver. With a bite of his lip, Oliver was standing straight, grasping the end of Josh's shirt, quickly walking through the halls with a laughing Josh behind him.

After finding up the nearest bathroom and checking over they were alone, Oliver was quick to drag Joshua to the last stall, both of them eager with those damn butterflies weaving inside their cores. Locking the door, Oliver gazed at Joshua for a second before he was dropping his bag on the ground, slowly walking those two steps so he was almost glued to Joshua.

Josh dropped his bag as well, his hands finding their way to Oliver's waist as Oliver backed him into the wall, getting as close as he could be, lips hovering and brushing, Oliver's hands going to Joshua's arms as he wasted no time, quickly placing his lips on Joshua with heavy breathing.

With their lips parted, tongues brushing greedily, eyes shut and gentle breath hitting the other's cheek, Oliver could swear that his knees were about to give up on him. Joshua kept pulling him as close as he could be and Oliver felt so... Owned, in a way. Belonging, maybe. Belonging to Joshua's lips, to Joshua's grip, to Joshua. He wondered for a second if Joshua felt the same as Oliver's hand grasped his arm, his other hand going up to Joshua's shoulder and hair, lips demanding more and more as Joshua's hands wandered to his upper back.

Joshua was thriving in a way he never had before. He felt his hands shaking though they were firmly pressing Oliver against him, his chest burning into this bright ass fire, almost throwing himself to the ground to roll around and try to put the flames down. Though the flames were metaphorical and they were impossible to be put out, already blending along with every patch of his skin.

With a last brush of tongues, Oliver was pulling back a little, panting against Joshua's lips, both of their eyes fluttering open.

"Fuck," Oliver grunted, quickly pecking Josh before pecking down his cheek and jaw, all the way to his neck, Joshua's breath hitching and heaving, cheeks reddening. "I can't get enough of you," Oliver whispered on his skin, fast to attach his lips on Joshua's neck, sucking and biting and making sure that Joshua would feel and remember him every time he looked in the mirror.

"Oh god," Joshua breathed out shakily, eyes fluttering shut as one of his hands wandered to Oliver's lower back, pulling him flush in a way that both of their breaths hitched. Joshua moaned faintly, though he was quick to come back to reality once the loud bell rang. He sighed, still feeling Oliver sucking and nibbling on his skin, hand tangled on Josh's hair while the other felt his side up and down.

"Class," Joshua exhaled through a choked back whimper, only making Oliver suck harsher. "O-Oliver, we have to, ah!" Josh fisted his shirt, lips parted as he started to stir from Oliver's little lost moment.

Josh, unlike his want at that moment, let his hand go to Oliver's shoulder, gently pushing him off. With a raged breathing, Joshua tried to stand up straight, almost falling back on the wall with how wobbly his knees were. Taking a deep breath, he leaned down to get his bag, feeling Oliver's eyes burning him away.

"Do you have any idea on how fucking sexy you look right now?" Oliver muttered, heavy eyes on Josh, who gulped and flushed a little more.

"We need to go to class," Josh exhaled harshly, biting his lip as he looked at Oliver through his eyelashes. Oliver bit his lip harshly, breathing in. Joshua's hair was messy now that Oliver put his hands on him, his hoodie, that was actually Oliver's, was pulled down, exposing the old and new love bites, his cheeks and nose dusted with a harsh blush, blue oceanic eyes swimming with an obvious desire that Joshua tried to masquerade, though it was as clear as the sun to Oliver.

Oliver licked his swollen lips, nodding as he leaned down to pick up the backpack, giving Joshua one last peck before he was leaving with a mumbled bye. Joshua sighed, head falling back. Now he was turned on, but thank god not hard. God knows that he would definitely be if they kept it on for a little longer.

After that, Joshua tried his best to fix himself on the mirror, going to his class. So the day went on, with Joshua blushing hard as he caught Oliver eating him with his eyes from time to time, which made Oliver laugh to himself.

It was nice because Oliver didn't even care about being discreet and it was as if not much had changed. Their relationship was still friendly and nice even if the looks they gave each other spoke up loudly in a more than platonic way.

Lunch came around and Joshua just wanted to go home. His head was far too up in the clouds for him to manage to pay attention, so maybe a little break would be nice. Getting up his lunch and rolling up to his friends' table, where everyone was already in, he smiled and greeted everyone, though everyone went silent after taking a good look at Josh. Sending everyone a questioning look over why they seemed so shocked, he frowned at Oliver's devilish smirk as he eyed up Joshua's neck.

Wait- Oh!

Josh awkwardly tried to cover his neck with the hoodie of his sweater, biting his lip as his cheeks brightened.

"Did- Did you get attacked or that's a hickey?" Jordan asked in amazed disbelief, staring sceptically at Josh.

Joshua flushed harder, looking down at his food.

"I'm pretty sure that's a hickey," Oliver spoke up with an underlying tone of smugness, eyes twinkling with pride and joy.

"Holy shit!" Max hollered. "Did that Kellin dude tried to eat you alive?!"

Joshua glanced up at Oliver at the mention of Kellin, seeing his pride falling and annoyance quickly taking over. Those marks definitely weren't Kellin's! Oliver rolled his eyes.

"I wonder what other kind of damage Kellin did," Vegan spoke, making Jordan snort. Oliver gritted his teeth.

"Kellin didn't do _anything!"_ Oliver barked, rolling his eyes.

"Who else could have done that then?" Matt said, quirking his eyebrow.

Joshua just took a bite of his food, eyes trailing away from everyone. Oliver licked his lips before he gazed at his food, suddenly wishing he had just shut the fuck up.

"Wait, shit!" Dan almost stood up, eyes flickering between them both. "It was you!" Dan shouted, pointing at Oliver. The guys gasped, waiting for any sort of denial but none came.

"Holy shit!" Max screeched, getting a few heads turns. Joshua coughed, stuffing his mouth with more food as he kept away from everyone's eye contact.

"Are you shitting me?!" Jordan exclaimed, eyes flickering between them both. Oliver glanced up at Joshua's embarrassed face before he glanced at everyone.

"Well," Oliver sighed. "I guess it was me," he shrugged nonchalantly before eating some.

The guys hollered, gasping and quickly making thousands of questions at once, making Oliver shake his head.

"Chill the fuck down, y'all," Oliver said. "Yeah, we're together, no, I'm not gay, nor straight, I don't know and no, Josh isn't dating Kellin. He's dating me."

Josh slurped his juice loudly, making Dan wince.

"Uh..." Joshua added importantly. "This, uh, this apple juice slaps."

And just like that their friends swallowed down their dating before they were speaking about apple juices. They are good as fuck.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hey! I called dibs on this round!"

"Ha, fuck you!"

"Fucking cheater," Kean grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting. Josh snorted, messing with Matt's hair before he was swatting Josh's hand away with a huff.

"You're just defending him because he sucks your dick!" Matt whined at Joshua, making him snort and Oliver freeze for a second, having a delayed reaction on the game before he was quickly pressing the buttons. Oliver furrowed his eyebrows. He never sucked Josh off. Wait, shit, how do you even suck a dick right? Aw fuck.

"And you are jealous that I don't suck _your_ dick," Oliver sneered, making Joshua chuckle.

"Easy, ladies, there's dick for everyone," Josh smirked, receiving a quick glare from Oliver.

"Say that again, you hoe," Oliver grumbled.

"Can y'all stop talking about dick, for fuck's sake," Jordan wrinkled his nose, playing against Oliver, lying down on the ground.

"You're just jealous because no one sucks your dick," Josh smirked, watching as Jordan snarled.

"Joe did!"

"Who's Joe?" Josh frowned, quickly realising his mistake.

"Joe mama!"

A chorus of 'ooh!' went around while Josh frowned.

"Man, your mama jokes are overrated. They're so old," Josh wrinkled his nose, leaning against Oliver. Jordan shrugged.

"Old but gold."

"You're the only one that thinks that," Lee noted, quickly texting away on his phone. Jordan shrugged.

"Y'all that don't know how to appreciate a good joke."

The door burst open, Dan walking in with the other Matt and Max, each holding a bowl filled with popcorn to the top.

"Here, you whiny bitches," Dan plopped down beside Josh, throwing his legs on top of his lap while he laid down so he was on top of Lee.

Lee wrapped one arm around Dan, still focused on his phone as he grabbed one popcorn from Dan's container.

"For every popcorn you take, you gotta give me a kiss," Dan smirked, turning to look at Lee. Lee glanced up at him before he was puckering his lips and leaning in, making kissing noises.

"Ew!" Joshua shouted. "They're gaying!" Josh made gagging noises, while Oliver snorted.

"I ship it," Jordan nodded.

"Leeniel," Max spoke wonderingly.

"Ew, no," Kean said. "More like... Danielee," He snorted.

"Y'all suck at picking ship names," Josh chuckled.

"Don't blame us, blame the author's lack of creativity," Dan said, feeding Lee popcorn. Murmurs of agreement went all over the place, along with soft munching.

"Yo, I'm thirsty," Nicholls piped up, sighing.

"Of course you are, you're a hormonal teenager," Max mumbled, focused on the TV. Nicholls chuckled.

"Yes, but actually no. I wanna drink some soda."

Joshua perked up, glancing at Oliver.

"We'll go buy some," Josh chirped, standing up, nudging Oliver.

Oliver frowned. "Why are you-" Josh nudged him harder, tilting his head to the door. The guys stood quiet, watching from the corner of their eyes. Oliver blinked, glancing between Josh and the game. He sighed. "I'll help Josh," Oliver said, standing up and throwing the controller to Kean. Josh grinned, nodding.

"Thank you," Josh said, grasping Oliver's hand and tugging him away. "Matt, give us the money to go buy your shit."

Nicholls sighed, standing up and giving them some money to buy up a big Pepsi for them all.

"They're so gonna end up fucking in the middle of the street," Dan whispered to Lee, making him chuckle.

"Probably," Lee agreed, nodding. Josh beamed, tugging Oliver away from Dan's room.

"We'll be back in a few," Josh said, shutting the door behind him. He quickly turned to Oliver, placing his lips on his. Oliver laughed a bit.

"That's why you wanted me to come?" Oliver murmured, lacing his arms around his boyfriend. Josh grinned.

"Maybe," he hummed, kissing him again. With another small chuckle from Oliver, they kissed for a few moments before Josh was sighing, holding Oliver's hand and pulling him outside. "We gotta get their stuff," Josh sighed, swinging their hands together, bumping their shoulders softly. Oliver nodded.

Minutes after walking and things were going completely fine. Though, as they came in contact with another person, Oliver started to overthink. What if's began popping up like ads on porn sites, his mind running and flashing and starting to slightly smother him. Oliver gulped.

They got closer and closer to the older woman, who glanced up at them both and at their connected hands. She scrunched her face up and that was it; the slightly disgusted face made Oliver feel this small little pang so Oliver took his hand away from Joshua, pretending to scratch his cheek before he left his hand down on his side. Josh blinked, glancing at him, reaching out for Oliver's hand.

Oliver laced his own hands behind him before Josh could lace their fingers again, keeping his eyes on the ground. The lady passed them and after walking for a few more seconds, Oliver glanced up at Joshua apologetic. He winced.

With a blank face and clenched jaw, Joshua stared at the horizon, pursed lips and annoyed eyes. It's not like Oliver intended to hurt Joshua or anything, he just didn't want that lady to think badly of him, even if she was just a stranger that they would never see again. Oliver bit his lip, exhaling before he weakly tried to reach out for Joshua's hand again.

Josh hesitated before he let Oliver grasp his hand, sighing heavily.

"What was that for?" Josh muttered, not looking at Oliver.

"What?" Oliver turned his head to look at Joshua, seeing his annoyance hardening.

"What was that for, Oliver?" Joshua asked again, slower and a little louder this time. Oliver swallowed.

"I- I just... Josh," Oliver stuttered a little, shrinking a little. "I... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"...No."

Joshua scoffed a sarcastic chuckle, shaking his head. He breathed in. Overreacting, Joshua was overreacting. He exhaled harshly.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

So things got slightly tense as they walked up to the store, letting go of each other so they could get the soda. Each got two bottles before Joshua paid, both carrying a bag on each hand. Oliver pursed his lips at the silence that took over, so desperately wanting to say something but having no idea on what to say so he didn't. Joshua wanted to break that stupid deafening quietness but he also had nothing to say so they both just went on like that all the way back to Dan's house.

"There are my men with my happiness!" Nicholls said, jumping up and hastily grabbing all the bags, waddling to the kitchen with a bunch of other teens following behind. Daniel stayed behind, however, taking note of Joshua's blank face and Oliver's cast down eyes. He frowned, watching as Josh went to the kitchen without a word.

"Spill," Dan said, leaning on the wall beside Oliver. The latter sighed, rubbing his nose with his fingertips.

"I'm stupid," Oliver shook his head, standing up. "Let's go eat something." And like that, Oliver left a puzzled Dan behind, slowly trying to get Josh's attention for the rest of the day. Joshua did give it to him but he seemed a little off, head taking over.

Was Oliver ashamed of him? Was he ashamed of their relationship? Josh scoffed. He should have expected.


	22. Chapter 22

Clicking the pen over and over, hand keeping his head up, eyes cloudy, so far away from reality. Oliver's hair was all messy atop his head, curls covering his forehead, curling on his cheeks and jaw, plump lips slightly parted as he breathed through it.

He felt like shit.

The entire situation of the day prior didn't leave his mind at all, even during school. Joshua acted mainly the same, though he seemed to be giving Oliver space. Oliver didn't want space. He wanted Joshua to smother him with kisses and hugs and affection.

Oliver was still scared as fuck. He hated that.

So he said nothing about it. No, he just went on the rest of the day pretending that nothing was different, even if he couldn't focus on anything for shit.

Oliver sighed, standing up. He glanced through the window, eyebrows rising when he saw his mom's car. He didn't even hear her getting home. Biting his lip, weighing his options, Oliver put the pen down as he walked out of his room. Maybe that would be his chance of spending some time with her.

"Mom?" Oliver called out, quickly skipping down the stairs, peeking over the wall where the staircase stood into the kitchen, seeing his mom at the table, typing away furiously.

"Hey, Oliver," she spoke, not glancing up at her son as her tired eyes focused on the screen. He smiled, walking up to her as he sat facing her.

"You're home early," he said, beaming as he laced his fingers atop his thighs, rocking slightly over his seat. She hummed, nodding.

"Boss had to go home and let us all go too as long as we finished our work. I didn't want to stay there so I came home and now I gotta finish this," she spoke in one breath as she motioned vaguely at the thing she so heavily worked on, licking her lipstick-covered lips after.

Oliver nodded.

"So how was your day?" He leaned forward eagerly, genuinely interested as he crossed his arms atop the table, a small smile playing on his lips. He had little time with his mom and he learned early on to cherish every single moment he could with her. She sighed.

"Boring," she mumbled. "Yours?"

Oliver's breath got caught on his throat before he bit his lip nervously. His mom was experient, maybe she could help him out. Licking his lips, he leaned back, shoving his hands between his legs to warm them up.

"Well," Oliver breathed out slowly. "I..." Was it a good idea? To open up to her like this? Sure, she was accepting and all but would she accept _him_? His heart was quick, a light shiver over his skin as he cleared his throat, leaning back as he felt it closing slightly. "I, uh..." A harsh gulp. "I messed things up with my... boyfriend."

As soon as the words left his mouth, instant regret took over his body. _Shit_. All he could think or feel was that. Shit. Though the cold that slid down his spine was quickly replaced with relief as his mom hummed, eyes still trapped on the screen.

Oliver seriously had never felt more relaxed his entire life. Well, that's a lie but... He was happy. Accepted. There was nothing wrong with him.

"So I... Well," Oliver exhaled, chuckling after. It was ridiculous how much better he felt after confessing to his mom over who he was and not getting a big reaction.

She didn't care!

No disgusted glance at him, she didn't freeze, no cuss words at him, nothing! Oliver was ecstatic. So he explained. Every detail over his fears and over how he didn't want to be judged by anyone and he even ended up rambling over how he thought he was falling for Joshua. He got nothing but a few hums and nods here and there. He felt so cared for. Accepted, even loved. It's been so long since his mom stopped to listen to him. He felt... Free. In a sense.

"So, well... I don't know what to do now. I mean, I get why he's mad at me and I understand it but... I'm still too scared. What do you think I should do?" Oliver glanced anxiously at his mom, fingers laced as he stared at her intently. Upon the few moments of silence that came upon them, beside her quick typing, she glanced up, realisation crossing her face. One glance at the content little smile on his face. She smiled.

"That's great, honey," she hummed before she was back at typing.

Oliver's smile dissipated.

She wasn't even listening.

Oliver leaned back, crossing his arms as he stared in disbelief at her.

"You know, I did cocaine on the school bathroom," Oliver nodded, crossing his legs as he spoke like it was your everyday situation. She nodded and hummed again. He held back a harsh scoff, standing up and going up to the sink. "I impregnated a chick last week, too."

He wanted to scream when his mom hummed again. He bit his tongue harshly. He was right.

She didn't care.

He grasped the edge of the sink harshly, so tense, lips pursed, taking a deep breath.

What the fuck did he need to do for her to fucking pay attention to him? A single fucking glance was enough, any fucking thing! He felt himself tearing up and that was enough. A look at the sink and he thoughtlessly grasped the biggest knife there, turning to his mom.

"What if I killed myself right now?" He wondered out loud, voice cracking with emotion, eyes trapped over his mom's emotionless face. "What if I buried this knife here deep into my stomach?" He raised the knife up above his head, making a motion to hit himself in the stomach, pushing his hand down but stopping in the last moment before the knife actually hurt him. "What if I hung myself? Jumped off a cliff? Shot myself or shot someone else? What if I become a murderer? What do you think? Would that be nice? Should I do it?"

"Yeah," his mom mumbled. But she didn't hear him nor how passive-aggressive his words were. She only caught the last words. She learned to do this with her colleagues since she didn't have the time nor patience. She apparently couldn't spare her own kid time either.

Oliver's grip slowly loosened but he didn't drop the knife. He just stared. He could feel his sight getting blurry as his face flushed, lips parted. He took a deep breath.

He wasn't afraid at that moment. He really wanted to sink that knife into his stomach just to see how his mom would react. He didn't, though. He valued his life too much to go that far.

But holy fucking shit. Was he that unworthy of being heard? Turning around, he put the knife back into its place, leaning against the sink as his muscles almost made him go down. He felt weak. As the tears started slipping off his eyes, he felt weak. Invisible, like a ghost. Taking another deep breath, he pushed himself to stand straight. A glance to his mom and he could feel the lump on his throat growing.

Can't you just fucking listen to me for once? Look at me, for fuck's sake, look at me.

He didn't say anything. He silently slipped away. He thought that his mom didn't even hear him and at that moment, it didn't matter anymore. Was he that unworthy? He bit his lip harshly, not caring to change out of his sweatpants and stained shirt as he slipped on some shoes, quickly leaving. He felt like he was suffocating inside that house.

Was he a bad person? Did he really deserve not even a single second out of anyone's time? Though Oliver knew there was a person who would always listen to him.

Swiftly getting his phone out, he harshly dialled Joshua's number. Oliver needed reassurance. He needed to feel seen again. He needed to feel like he actually was important. It took a while but Josh picked up eventually.

" _Hey, Oliver._ "

"Am I a bad person?" He asked straight away, not even bothering. Though somehow his voice didn't break nor gave away the tears slipping from his eyes. It seemed pretty normal.

" _Oh yes, you're the worst_ ," Josh said sarcastically. Oliver never really called him just for something like that but, fuck, Oliver knew he wasn't, didn't he? This probably was some sort of joke or something. It was almost all Oliver called him to do, too. To tell a joke or some sort of shit. Maybe to rant to him sometimes but never in that tone. Joshua couldn't see how this could turn into a joke but he went along. " _That's exactly why we're dating; because I can't stand you_ _._ " Joshua hummed. The line went silent as Joshua waited for a punchline or something.

His face fell, though. His face fell and he straightened his back and he blinked confused as a choked sob ripped through the line before it beeped to warn Oliver hung up. He stared into space for a few seconds before he brought the phone into his view, staring at it in confusion, concern starting to grow.

Oliver wasn't stupid, he could hear the sarcasm sweeping through Joshua's tone but... He took it to the heart. Everything at that moment he was taking to the heart. Oliver bit his lip harshly, taking a deep breath to try and smooth down the harsh frown on his forehead. He started walking again. His phone began ringing but Oliver didn't touch it. He shoved it on his pockets as he gazed hopelessly at the ground in front of him. He was awful, unbearable to deal with. Oliver swallowed, bottom lip starting to tremble.

He didn't dare to let out a sound, however. He rubbed his face with his fists before he tried to stop crying but it didn't work. He walked to the park, then. It was the only place that he felt calm and he hoped it would do just that. Though he really had to muffle his sobs once more.

Luckily for him, the park was almost empty. Not a single person to be seen, although he could hear voices in the distance. He avoided them. Though he realised that the playground wasn't empty so he was quick to walk past that. There was a little lake nearby, which could easily be Oliver's second little place.

His phone was the last thing in his distraught mind but it kept ringing and vibrating and it somehow brought him back to earth. He pulled it out, watching as Joshua flooded him with texts. He sighed.

Joshua called him again and Oliver hesitated, rubbing his face once more before he took a deep breath and brought the phone to his ear.

" _You know I was joking, right? You're not a bad person,_ " Joshua sputtered quickly, sounding pretty worried. Oliver's stare cast down. Rubbing his face once again, he sighed.

"Yeah," Oliver mumbled weakly, making Joshua soften.

" _Baby... What happened?_ "

"No, no. Nothing. I, uh," Oliver gulped. "I don't know, never mind."

" _I'm coming over,_ " Josh declared, making Oliver bite his lip and sigh.

"You don't need to. And I'm not even home," Oliver mumbled, bringing his knees up as he fiddled with a grass blade, staring down at a little ant crossing his path.

" _I don't care. Where are you?_ "

Oliver sighed again. He didn't want to trouble Joshua or anyone anymore. He was just being dramatic. Of course. Oliver felt ashamed of himself. He should have known that his mom was too busy. He was so stupid.

" _If you don't tell me, I will go searching through the entire town. Where are you, Oliver?_ " Joshua pressed harder, making Oliver breathe out.

"By the lake."

" _On the park?"_

"Yeah."

" _Be there in ten,_ " and Joshua hung up, making Oliver sigh again. Although he wasn't crying anymore, he still felt like he was about to, but he kept in. He didn't really want Joshua to see how weak he looked. So he cleaned his face, taking deep breaths. Hopefully, his face wouldn't give him away.

Though as the frustration began to lessen, he couldn't help but feel ridiculous. He was such a drama queen. Oliver unconsciously tried to shrink onto himself as he waited, dreading when Joshua arrived. He didn't want to be seen at all and especially not by Joshua. Though, the universe said a big 'fuck you' to him as Joshua waddled up to him moments later, plopping on the ground and wrapping his arms around Oliver.

As much as Oliver didn't want Joshua to see him, he could feel everything leaving him for a second as Joshua held him silently into a warm, meaningful embrace. He knew he needed comfort and Joshua so happily gave it to him; although Oliver questioned if he really deserved it, his thoughts were quickly shut out as he felt Joshua pressing his lips on the back of Oliver's neck. Oliver sighed.

"What happened?" Josh hummed, leaning his head to rest atop Oliver's shoulder, hand gently caressing Oliver's tummy through his shirt. Oliver leaned back.

"I'm just being stupid," Oliver shrugged. He was embarrassed. Josh frowned.

"Tell me what happened and then I'll see if you really are," Josh tested, making Oliver huff and shake his head.

"I really don't want to talk about this."

"Okay." Joshua wouldn't push more. If Oliver needed, he knew he could speak but if not, then it was okay.

So they both went silent after that, though neither were complaining; their pure presences were more than enough to Oliver because although no words were being exchanged, Joshua still caressed his stomach, and as Oliver leaned back into him, Joshua also used his other hand to wave through his hair a little. Oliver shifted, looking up at Joshua with that serious, sad-ish yet wondering stare. Joshua glanced down but said nothing, kissing Oliver's nose as he gazed down at him too.

Joshua was still worried and that much was obvious to Oliver. He saw that Oliver still seemed somewhat off and it made him feel powerless as hell but Joshua respected Oliver's decision. Oliver wanted to tell him, too, but he felt like he was just plain stupid. So he kept his mouth shut. He didn't need Josh to understand how deeply dumb and needy Oliver actually was. Oliver sighed.

"Do you even know how goddamn beautiful you are?" Oliver muttered silently like he was telling Joshua a secret. He didn't really mean to mumble it out but he did and he had no regrets. Joshua blinked, flushing as it caught him off guard. He coughed.

"Uh, that, my God, that was so random," Joshua replied awkwardly. The tiniest of the curls came up to Oliver's lips before he chuckled silently, not really giving off a big smile.

"I mean it," Oliver mumbled, shifting so his body was facing down. Josh pursed his lips, blushing more. Oliver chuckled again. Joshua was literally the best distraction alive and Oliver loved it. Even if he couldn't really shake off the awful feeling hovering above him. "I love your face so much. Like... Your smile is so adorable? And don't even get me started on your nose," Oliver raised his arm enough just to boop Joshua's nose. "Your eyes, too... They're so gorgeous."

Joshua chuckled nervously, turning his face away from Oliver because he was a fuzzy mess, feeling his chest flourishing with tiny little butterflies. The fond little look Oliver gave him didn't really help; his lips were curled up and parted, along with his teeth, his eyes seemed heavy but still unwavering out of Joshua's face, so adoringly and lovingly, his nose twisting out just a little bit.

"Stop, stop looking at me like that," Joshua spoke out flusteredly, suddenly so overwhelmed with the moment as he laid down on the grass, trying to turn away from Oliver.

"Never!" Oliver laughed out loud genuinely, crawling on top of him and plopping down, burying his face on Joshua's neck. Josh pursed his lips, awkward eyes wandering through the sky as he still wrapped his arms around Oliver. Joshua was so warm and disordered that it wasn't even funny. For him. Oliver was loving it.

"You're my precious little thing," Oliver sighed against his neck, making Joshua's breath hitch as he physically tried to shrink down onto the ground. Oliver beamed a little bit, wrapping his arms around Joshua tightly.

Why did he feel so out of it? It's like he wasn't even being genuine even though he was. It was so weird. Like he was watching things from someone else's perspective. But he shook it off, moving up to glance down at Joshua. Even Joshua could see that Oliver was too far away. So he leaned up, pecking his lips, making Oliver sigh once again.

"You're lovely," Oliver muttered against his lips, kissing him again. Josh let out a little sound.

"Shut up," Josh mumbled back, pecking Oliver's lips over and over.

"No," and with that Oliver moved back, gazing down at Joshua with this unreadable look before he was lying back down on top of him, staring off into space. Joshua didn't really mind that he was getting his clothes dirty, he just let his hands weave through Oliver's hair as he too unfocused away, gazing into the sky but not really there either.

It felt so weird how disconnected Oliver was. Hopefully, it was just a momentary thing.


	23. Chapter 23

Bad idea. No, scratch that; awful idea. Terrible, horrible, nasty idea. Oliver swallowed, lips pursed and eyes wide.

What the hell did he just do?

Oliver breathed out slowly, staring horrified at his actions' consequences. Oh my god. He should have stopped as soon as the idea crossed his mind, but now it would be imprinted for the world to see. Oh no. Hesitantly, shakily, Oliver reached for his phone, eyes still glued to _it._ He quickly dialled Joshua's number, exhaling shakily.

Oh my god, no.

It took a while before Joshua picked up because he probably was in class, but he did pick up. He would never not be there for Oliver.

" _Babe? Everything okay? Where are you? You didn't come to school today and didn't answer my texts, I'm worried."_

"Joshua," Oliver called shakily, gulping hard, body tense, regret written all over. The panic on Oliver's tone was enough to make Josh grow alarmed, getting completely rigid, listening intently to the phone. "I fucked up."

"Are you home?" Joshua asked quickly, starting to jog out of the hallways. He would find a way to get out of there.

" _Uh, yeah_ ," Oliver replied just as shook as before.

"What did you do?" Joshua demanded in a hurried whisper, quickly dodging to the bathroom as a teacher came in view. Lucky him that there was a bathroom right beside him.

" _I fucked up,_ " Oliver whispered harshly before he hung up.

Oh my god, what the hell is happening? Joshua bit his lip hard, waiting impatiently as he heard the teacher walk by slowly. Could that fucker be any slower?! He took a deep breath, hearing their steps growing fainter and fainter before he hastily opened the door, making a quick run for it. Oliver better be okay.

Joshua managed to make a run to the front door, taking a glance from behind himself and around before he took a deep breath, quickly running out in the wide space but silently. All of those 'I wanna get a hot body for my boy to appreciate' exercises paid off quite well as he dashed up to the fence. He glanced at the wide-open gate, biting his tongue.

"Hey!"

Aw fuck.

"Get back here!" Joshua heard being shouted behind him, making him flinch, the adrenaline quickly being released onto his bloodstreams as he ran like he never did before.

"Shit!" Joshua whispered harshly as he almost tripped, but managed to get to the gates. The person behind him seemed to be running too so Josh made sure to run off as far as he could. He knew he wouldn't be followed anyway, the teachers didn't get paid enough to this.

One block later and Joshua knew he wasn't being chased anymore. He panted, leaning up against a house's wall as he felt the euphoria rushing all over him, even his fingertips. He laughed. Holy shit, he just- Holy shit!

But as soon as he glanced around, his mind touched his shoulder and whispered a small 'Oliver' and that send Joshua onto a panicked state again. He swallowed hard, standing straight before he took a deep breath, starting to run again. The thrill he felt before turned into dread, his heart still beating just as fast if not more.

He needed to get to Oliver quickly.

So Joshua went and ran like a motherfucker, desperate, feeling some sort of relief as he got closer to Oliver's house. As soon as he came face to face with the door, he mindlessly burst inside, looking around quickly. The house was eerily silent and it made Joshua's heart pound. Or maybe it was the fact that he ran a lot.

"Oliver?!" Joshua called out breathlessly, looking around before he shut the door. Things were deafening silent for a moment, where Joshua decided to walk up to Oliver's room.

"Oli, baby? Are you he-" every single word flew straight out of his mind as he opened the door of Oliver's room. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened and he almost choked. Oliver glanced up at Joshua panicked, looking like he was going to cry.

"Oh my god," Joshua whispered, placing one hand on his mouth whilst he used the other to hold his elbow. Oliver's bottom lip trembled.

"Help!" Oliver whined, looking so distraught that it took away a little of Joshua's laugh bubbling on his chest. He knew that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop and he could feel it unwantedly escaping so he let his eyes flutter shut, taking deep breaths.

"Joshua!" Oliver whined again, standing up from his bed. "What the fuck do I do?!"

"Oliver," Joshua mumbled, eyes still closed, hand still covering his mouth. "Why?" Joshua asked calmly, opening his eyes as his hands dropped back to his sides. He swallowed hard, grasping the door as he took deep, slow breaths.

"I don't know!" Oliver shouted, threading his fingers over his now blonde hair distraught. Joshua pursed his lips, resting his forehead on his arm as he stared at Oliver. Joshua swallowed again.

"You look... Stunning," Joshua spoke, almost laughing, making the last word sound choked. Oliver glared at Joshua spitefully, sneering up at his boyfriend.

"Shut the fuck up!" Oliver barked and that was it, Joshua couldn't hold it in anymore. He started laughing loudly, that one kind of laugh that you simply can't breathe, that one that hurts your stomach bad and your face gets all red. He wheezed and wheezed while Oliver deadpanned at him with crossed arms and wild blonde hair. It was stupid because Oliver discoloured it so badly that a few parts were still brown and a few blonde and it didn't even look good, it just looked... Awful.

"Are you done?" Oliver spat, jaw clenched and bitter eyes. Josh took deep breaths, holding his stomach while he leaned against the wall, gazing at Oliver deeply amused. He sighed before he nodded, still smiling.

"You look ridiculous," Josh cackled, dodging the thrown pillow, that hit the wall behind him. Josh smiled wide as he walked up to Oliver, who was still murdering him with his stare. Joshua pecked his lips before he pulled back and gazed up at Oliver's hair. His blue eyes twinkled with amused curiosity, shining with some sort of fondness as they flickered back to Oliver.

"You dumbass," Josh grinned, shaking his head. The little loving look Joshua had on Oliver made his glare fall into a pout, though he still seemed a little upset.

"How did I even fell in love with you?" Josh muttered to himself, chuckling. Though his smile seemed to fall when he saw how Oliver's eyes blew wide, his lips parting in surprise. A nervous smile arose upon Josh's face.

"I- I didn't mean to say that out loud," Josh laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. Oliver shut his mouth, gulping. His eyes were still wide but now they seemed far more intense than just shocked. Oliver blinked before he leaned in, kissing Joshua's lips for a long moment.

Josh sighed, giving into Oliver's little pecks and soft lips before Oliver was pulling back, still staying close to Josh.

"I love you," Oliver mumbled, eyes so soft and gentle and adoring that Joshua almost couldn't handle. Josh beamed.

"I love you, blondie."

And that was enough to make Oliver roll his eyes and push Josh's chest.

"Get out."

Josh smirked proudly, standing on his tiptoes.

"Okay, if you insist," he spoke out dramatically, turning around and taking some steps. "Good luck fixing that by yourself."

Oliver pursed his lips, sighing.

"My god, I take it back. You're annoying."

Josh snorted, smiling at Oliver before he shook his head.

"I'm gonna go buy the brown ink." Josh shot Oliver one last teasing look before he was skipping out of the room and the house. Midway to the store, he took the time to call Dan and ask him to fetch his backpack, which he already had. He spilt out what Oliver had done and rambled happily of how stupidly cute Oliver managed to look while picking the ink, paying for it with money that came from nowhere before he was skipping back to the house.

Josh found Oliver pouting out on his bed and as soon as Josh's eyes landed on Oliver's hair his smile came back full force.

"You'll never let me live that down, will you?"

"Of fucking course I won't."

"Fuck."

Oliver sighed, standing up and going to the bathroom with Josh behind him. He sat on the toilet while Joshua read out the instructions, doing the prep before he was swiftly standing between Oliver's legs and using the brush he brought along to colour Oliver's hair back.

Oliver kept his pout that Joshua found adorable but said nothing. Until Oliver brought his hands and slipped them under Josh's shirt. Oliver smiled.

"You're so soft," he mumbled, mindlessly feeling Joshua's tummy and sides up with his hands. Josh scrunched his face.

"Your hands are cold," Josh said, still trapped on smearing the paint over Oliver's locks. Oliver scoffed.

"You didn't seem to think that when I was jerking you off," Oliver muttered bitterly, quickly realising what he said and flushing. Josh cackled.

"That's true," he nodded, smirking at Oliver, who rolled his eyes and squeezed Josh's sides. But he bit his lip, gazing at Joshua tentatively as he slipped his hands up and down Josh's thighs, feeling them all the way to his knees before going back up, but trailing them to Joshua's behind this time. Josh didn't seem to mind as Oliver's hands rested on his arse but his heart did leap on his chest. A soft squeeze and Joshua was putting the paint and brush away.

"Now we just gotta wait," Josh smiled down at Oliver, placing his hands on Oliver's shoulders. Oliver hummed, leaning in and kissing Josh's tummy through his shirt.

"Don't you wanna get out of those school clothes?" Oliver murmured, sighing because he couldn't rub his head on Josh. Joshua shrugged then nodded.

"Let me steal your clothes."

Oliver stood up, quickly kissing Joshua's lips before he was waddling back to his room and searching up for some clothes for Josh, who had started to unbutton his shirt after taking off his tie.

Oliver separated a shirt and some sweatpants before he handed them to Josh, sitting down on his bed and pretending he wasn't eagerly staring at Joshua.

And it's not like Joshua wasn't feeling Oliver's flaming stare all over him, but he pretended not to because it was making him so damn nervous. He didn't want to disappoint Oliver. Josh slowly slipped the shirt off, letting it drop off the ground before he was toying his shoe out and slipping his pants on the ground, intentionally bending over a little to take his clothes off the ground. He stood back straight and grabbed the clothes Oliver gave him, feeling too damn anxious over the heavy silence over them.

As soon as he was clothed again, Josh turned to look at Oliver, the apprehensiveness quickly melting off at the heavy, lustful stare that Oliver gave him. His lips were parted a little and his eyes were dark and desireful and that made Joshua feel a little better.

"C' mere, baby," Oliver mumbled, patting his lap as he ate Joshua with his eyes. Josh bit his lip, doing so before he was carefully straddling Oliver, holding on his shoulders. Oliver's stare flickered all over him before he was grasping Josh's hips and pulling him closer, quickly meeting his lips.

They kissed and kissed and kissed and Joshua could so easily feel how hungry Oliver was for him with his possessive hands that wandered all over Joshua, from his hips to sides, to thighs and hips before they so greedily allowed themselves to grasp out a handful of Joshua's arse, pulling him flush against his body, hands so easily and eagerly taking what was rightfully theirs. Josh pulled back a little, breathing becoming elaborated.

"I," Josh gulped, "I didn't know you had it in you," he chuckled breathlessly, accidentally moaning as Oliver squeezed too tightly. Oliver scoffed.

"Of course I do, have you seen yourself?" And he let his hands wander back up to Josh's waist, kissing his cheek and jaw and letting one of his hands wander up to Josh's hair just to tug on it to expose Joshua for him. Joshua wasn't complaining, oh no. He swallowed hard as Oliver nibbled on his jaw and kissed him wherever, hands clutching Oliver's shirt as he so easily started to stiffen.

"D-Don't start doing something you can't finish," Josh choked out, moaning breathlessly, feeling Oliver's fingertips slipping inside the sweatpants on the backside. Oliver smirked against his skin.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that if I start doing you, you'll finish," Oliver muttered out amusedly. But Josh was far too aroused to appreciate how good that joke was as he felt Oliver's hand grasping tightly his bare arse. Josh struggled to breathe, already pretty hard.

Josh pulled back to stare at Oliver with clouded eyes, that had a stare darker than Joshua's.

Josh bit his lip, shuffling so his body was closer to Oliver.

"Are you sure you wanna do something like this?" Josh asked, taking deep breaths as he let his hands wander up and down Oliver's chest. Oliver smirked again. That was too easy.

"Of course I wanna do you," Oliver spoke, making Josh grin down a little. But something about that smile was too different from the others he usually gave Oliver; it was so dirty and obscene. If Oliver possibly couldn't see it before, he did when Joshua suddenly began to move his hips, still staring straight into his soul as he ground down lazily on Oliver.

Oliver was already breathing hard but it seemed to worsen out as Joshua began to stimulate them both together. It made Oliver's breath pick up and the noises harder to hold in and it made him throb like never before. Oliver quickly leaned in to take Joshua's lips again, kissing him with what seemed even more hunger than before, their tongues so forceful together and brushing and dancing and bodies ready to burst into flames.

Joshua never really had much patience and Oliver knew that but it was a surprise when he felt Joshua's hand suddenly gripping him tightly. It made him stop breathing for a moment, his heart way too fast on his chest and it made him pull back to stare at Josh, who was doing the same. Josh bit his lip, swiftly moving his hand over Oliver in a way that made him throw his head back and moan a little over and over. Joshua enjoyed the moment because it was his turn to mark Oliver out, even with the tattoos. Josh made sure to keep his pace steady before he was sucking on Oliver's plain skin, beside the rose, and brought one hand up to grasp Oliver's hair. But as soon as his hand came up in contact with it, Josh pulled back with a frown, realising that Oliver still had to keep it on his hair for a while. Josh sighed heavily, shuffling back before he stood up.

Oliver frowned hard, staring up at Josh confused.

"I'm gonna go wash my hand," Josh grumbled, going to the bathroom. When Joshua determined that he wanted to get his hand covered in a sticky substance because of Oliver, that wasn't what he had in mind. So he washed his hand, getting the ink out of it as he huffed and dried it, aching inside his clothes. He waddled back to Oliver and he was about to straddle Oliver again but the sound of a door closing made them both stop and look at the window.

Oliver frowned, standing up and looking out, sighing heavily.

"Mom's home," Oliver mumbled. That was the first time he wasn't happy over that and he wasn't sure if it was just because he didn't have the chance to get off.

Josh groaned, throwing himself on the bed as Oliver made his way back to it, staring down at Josh with the same frustrated expression.

"Can't we just lock the door?" Josh groaned again, shifting so he was laying on his stomach. Oliver smiled sadly. He wasn't ready for something like that, not yet.

"I'm sorry, baby," Oliver mumbled, threading his fingers through Josh's hair. Josh huffed again but accepted the petting, grumbling intelligible shit under his breath.

The rest of the day went pretty boring to them both after they washed Oliver's hair again. The ink was actually two tones darker than Oliver's hair but it wasn't too obvious so it was okay. But it was needless to say that there was a really large tension between them both, and it only seemed to grow larger at every longing look.


	24. Chapter 24

A sigh, a grumble and a cuss before Oliver was not so gracefully rolling out of the bed with a groan. Maybe he really shouldn't have slept late last night but it was impossible for him to stop daydreaming about Joshua.

That wasn't uncommon at all. But Oliver was really just fanboying at Josh's little slip-up.

They said their I love you's. Oliver was gushing and awe-ing too hard, almost rolling all over while key-smashing out loud. And maybe he was a little horny too but we gonna focus on the fluffy part, alright? Alright.

Oliver was daydreaming all while he woke up, his eyes itching because of the little sleep he got, but still getting ready for his day. He really shouldn't have slept so late, otherwise, he would have realised the orange mess sitting atop his head. But he didn't, he only dragged one hand over his hair and he was ready for the day. Oliver got his and Tom's backpack, waiting for him to finish brushing his teeth before they left the silent house.

It didn't take long before they were leaving with Tom casting on some stunned looks at Oliver, that didn't seem to realise much. But then they reached Josh's house, knocking up and waiting.

Moments later and Josh was opening the door and freezing on his steps. Oliver rose his eyebrows.

"Hey," Oliver grinned, staring at Josh too. Josh had a half-smile on his face that quickly became half-assed. He blinked several times, just staring before he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Hey," Josh choked out, rubbing his nose vigorously before he coughed, eyes opening and instantly flickering to Oliver's head. He swallowed hard, lips twitching involuntarily. But Josh managed to hold back. Oliver furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you okay?" He leaned closer, his eyes flickering over Josh's face intently. Josh coughed, bringing one hand to cover his mouth before he nodded quickly.

"Yeah yeah yeah," he spoke out quickly. "Everything's _fire_ \- I mean," he scrunched his nose, forcing his lips into a thin line, eyes getting drawn away. "Fine, I mean fine," he waved his hand, stepping off and shutting the door of his house, locking it up. Oliver's frown hardened.

"Are you sure?" he stepped up, placing his hand on Josh's shoulder, looking at him concernedly. Josh looked back at him and his hair, licking his lips troubled.

Did Oliver see it? Should he be a good boyfriend and tell him? Josh's lips curled slightly. If he was in Oliver's shoes he would want someone to point it out before he got through more embarrassment.

But he wasn't Oliver.

Besides, he still had to get back at him for fucking up his neck. Really, his mom had a heart attack when she saw those dark hickeys. Joshua was sure she was still mad at him for not telling her anything about it and was mad that it even happened first place.

"Yeah, everything's okay," he chuckled far more amused than Oliver could understand why. Josh grasped a hold of his backpack with both hands, a shit-eating grin on his face as he snickered to himself, quickly stepping out of the porch and messing with Tom's hair, squeezing his shoulder as they both began to walk. Meanwhile, Oliver was just looking at Joshua clueless, brain delayed before he quickly scurried after them, that deep frown on his face still.

"Joshua," Oliver was quickly beside him, looking at him confused. "Why are you acting so we-"

Joshua mindlessly tugged on Oliver's tie, bringing him close before quickly clashing his lips on Oliver's. He held him there for a moment before he pulled back and pecked the corner of Oliver's mouth, smiling at him with this entertained twinkle on his eyes, letting go of Oliver's tie to lace their fingers together, turning to keep walking. 

But Joshua forgot they weren't alone.

When Josh caught sight of round blue eyes staring at him he knew he fucked up. Josh's small smile wavered before he chuckled nervously, staring back at Thomas. Oliver just blinked stunned, looking at Joshua almost religiously, not even understanding what just happened.

"Uhm," Josh spoke out loud, his nervous grin turning into a terrified grimace. Oh shit. "Tom-"

"Why did you kiss my brother?" Tom asked with an edge on his voice. 

Oliver's head snapped towards him. His stomach sank. His face grew pale and his eyes grew round, lips parting in a choked exhale.

Oh.

Fuck.

Joshua swallowed, his own eyes wide before he turned to look horrified at Oliver. But Oliver didn't even acknowledge Josh, he just looked like he was about to pass the hell out as he kept his stare on Thomas. Oliver kept growing sicker and sicker by the moment and both of them made Joshua get scared.

"Because," Josh breathed out, his fingers tightening around Oliver's hand. He swallowed hard. He turned to look at Thomas, completely clueless on what to say.

Tom didn't seem all that judging - maybe a little yes, a subconscious part that always heard things said about non-straight people, but he seemed mainly just confused, heavily confused. A little weirded out too. This was all new to him.

But Oliver didn't see the confusion. All he saw was his father on Thomas' eyes. 

No. No, Oliver couldn't have that.

Oliver hastily pulled his hand away from Josh, his face going awfully blank. Josh's eyes widened and he looked up at Oliver at the same time Oliver looked at him.

"Why did you kiss me?" Oliver asked dryly, perhaps threatening. "That's gross, don't- don't do that!" 

Joshua blinked slowly, his own face going blank. Did- did Oliver just reject him? You know what, why was it always so easy for him to reject Joshua?

"Because you asked me to be your boyfriend," Joshua spoke on the same tone, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Oliver faltered.

"You're dating?" Tom's eyes widened slightly before he looked at the ground thoughtfully. "But... You're both boys?"

Josh didn't take his eyes out of Oliver even though Oliver looked down at Thomas alarmed. Oliver started shaking his head and Josh narrowed his eyes. Oliver was going to deny them just like that, huh?

"Yeah, we're both boys and dating. There's nothing wrong with that, it's normal."

Joshua didn't really mean to talk but something overpowering came over him. Something called rage and maybe hurt.

Oliver's head snapped up, his face falling into a gut-wrenching horror and it would have made Joshua feel bad if it wasn't for the anger boiling on his stomach. What happened to the whole soulmates thing? The whole I love you's? You don't hurt the people you love. Thomas blinked, looking between the both of them. No one spoke for a long time, giving the little one time enough to process this.

"Okay," Tom nodded, looking around and blinking a few. "Shouldn't we go to school?"

They broke their stare, looking at Thomas.

"Yeah, let's go to school," Joshua muttered, starting to walk again. Though he didn't bother to wait for either of them. Stupid boy.

But shit, Thomas was going to tell. He would tell mom and dad and that was the end of Oliver. They would kick him out or do something worse. He was over. And this kept hammering over Oliver over and over and it was to the point where he couldn't think of anything else but that. He didn't speak much during school, he barely paid attention. He felt so sick. He didn't even mind how he got over-stared at because of his hair, he didn't even hear his friends' jokes about him being a torch or anything such.

No, he thought so much that it got to the point where he regretted Joshua.

And Josh didn't do much either. I mean, unlike Oliver, he could pay attention, he did his works and he talked to his friends but he felt kinda shitty. He knew how scary it would be if he was in Oliver's position but he would never deny Oliver because being denied by the one you love feels absolutely awful. Joshua was torn on what to do, what to feel. He ignored, then.

Oliver couldn't ignore it. So he decided to text his aunt and tell her he would take Tom around the town so she didn't have to pick him up. Tom was confused about why his aunt didn't show up and for a long time, he thought he had been forgotten but the relief came instantly when he saw Oliver. Tom got out thirty minutes earlier than Oliver.

Oliver didn't really speak but he motioned for Thomas to follow him out.

"Where are we going? And where's aunt Carol?" Thomas quickly sprung up beside Oliver, looking up at him, now at ease. Oliver sighed, taking a glance at his brother.

"Ice Cream?" he asked in a mumble, clutching tightly his backpack. Tom blinked, confused, but nodded. They walked a ten-minute walk all the way to this ice cream store that was pretty good, to be honest. They ordered and waited and Oliver still couldn't bring himself to speak. I mean, _what_ was he supposed to say?

He drummed his fingers on the table and sighed, watching his brother lapping happily at his cold sweet. He exhaled, taking a deep breath that never seemed to reach his lungs.

"You know," Oliver started choked, his eyes darting away from his brother. How the fuck was he supposed to speak? Thomas gave him his attention, still not really seeing why Oliver seemed so anxious. I mean, it was just him. Nothing special about that. "You know about earlier, when..."

It was like there was a lump on his throat. He couldn't speak, the words under his tongue kept dissolving and it was annoying, to say the least. He breathed in.

"When Josh said that we're..."

Oliver couldn't even finish it. Tom wrinkled his nose.

"Ew," he made a disgusted face. "I don't want to talk about dating. It's gross."

Oh...

Thomas found him disgusting. Oliver could feel the words on his throat becoming gastric acid. He felt sick. He disgusted his own baby brother.

He was fucking sick.

Thomas must have seen how hard his face fell and he instantly realised that he said something wrong. He didn't know what but he did.

"I mean," Tom backtracked a little, his eyes darting around. "You seem happy, but... I don't, I don't want to know about this?" Though he doubted his own words when he saw Oliver becoming even paler. 

Here's the thing; What Tom said was 'I'm glad for you but I don't like talking about dating in general, I think it's kinda gross, like kissing and stuff.' But what Oliver heard was 'Yeah whatever just stop shoving this in my face, you disgust me'.

You know, like the dumbass he is.

Oliver's eyes glided away as he took a deep breath. Okay. Alright. It's alright. Oliver traced his bottom lip with his tongue, leaning forward and crossing his arms over the table, his face falling serious.

"Okay, listen," Oliver spoke more silent than he wanted to so he cleared his throat, his eyes moving back to Thomas. He could feel like shit about this later at night, in bed. Now he needed to talk to Tom. "I need you to not tell anyone about this, okay?"

Tom blinked, studying Oliver a little before nodding a little.

"I _mean it_ ," Oliver pressed. "No one can know, especially dad, and mom."

Tom nodded again, more sure.

"Okay," He said before eating his ice cream's crust. Oliver sighed, leaning back and nodding, mostly to himself.

He trusted Thomas, he knew he wouldn't tell. So this was one last problem.

Now he had to think about Joshua.

Fuck.


	25. Chapter 25

Fucking gross, he said. Really? Joshua wasn't scoffing or grumbling anymore, his lips had fallen onto an unchangeable scowl, his eyes had gone insanely dark as well as the depths of his mind, not a single sound rumbled over him.

He wanted to be perfect. Well, not as extreme as it sounded, he wanted just to be the best person he could be, the best _boyfriend_ he could be and he wholeheartedly expected it to be reciprocated.

Big fucking disappointment.

Joshua wasn't doubting himself, per see, more like... The relationship he had. Not like he didn't have a reason to.

It's unnecessary to say Joshua was pissed, that much was obvious, but he was also pretty hurt and maybe that made him not side with Oliver's reasonings — which he didn't even have as far as Josh knew.

It was all new for Oliver, Joshua would tell himself. He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't _mean_ to do anything bad. But fucking hell, was he even trying? The pen trapped firmly in Josh's hold remained unmoving as well as his far gone brain. Each reasonable thought got taken down with the tidal waves of emotions that Joshua could only identify until a certain point.

The bitterness kept coming the strongest, though, with its crowns far up high followed by a strong screeching irrationality that kept crashing against Joshua's shorelines, leaving behind sour rough spots that would definitely dry out later and go back to their original sweetness with given time. 

If Joshua stopped pressing it, that is. If he stopped playing with the waves, if he stopped making them higher, if he stopped making them even more brutal, if he just stopped feeding the overflowing anger.

But Joshua didn't want to stop. He encouraged the resentment to grow because a part of him doubted. Oliver's words were mere words, uncarried by actions and Joshua _needed_ actions. Anyone can kiss anyone, anyone can fool around with anyone, anyone can speak lovely words to anyone.

But at the same time, Joshua felt really stupid. Was he overreacting? I mean, surely, Oliver said, did, things like that only when they were around other people. It's not like Oliver was mistreating him all the time. But Joshua hated when Oliver did that. How unworthy was Joshua of being shown love and affection? Like, not even that?

And maybe Oliver was just confused. I mean, many people can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic and maybe — probably, if we're following the same depreciating road – that was the case.

This entire thing was... meaningless.

A blink and Joshua's eyes focused again. His gaze was heavy, hundreds of hundreds of rocky doubts and distrust hung off of his stare, dragging out slowly to where he was supposed to be doing homework. His phone laid on the bed facing down, faint music coming off of it in a way that was supposed to keep his mind focused. As if.

They needed to solve this. Keeping quiet about it wasn't going to do any good to either of them. Joshua eyed the phone for a few more seconds before he breathed out, getting it and unlocking it. Surprisingly enough, he had a text from Oliver.

_Maybe we need to talk?_

Damn right they did. But Joshua was surprised that Oliver even considered pointing that out first. And maybe the fact that he probably sent that because he was thinking about this just as much as Joshua helped Joshua soften just a little.

He forgave too easily. Always did.

Joshua opened the message, sighing slightly, slouched on the wall, his feet under the covers.

_We do. But not through text_

Joshua didn't use any shortened words to let Oliver know priorly that he was pissed, that he wasn't about to take any more shit. Just to scare him off a little. Joshua may have softened the slightest but he was still filled with angst.

Josh didn't wait to see if Oliver opened the message, he just turned the music off and locked his phone, sighing whilst taking another glance at his homework.

Nah, fuck math. Josh shut his notebook, putting his things away and standing up, looking around the room aimlessly. What the hell should he do? He was bored out of his mind and he didn't really want to think anymore. Hmm... He could always go on a walk? Yeah, that will do.

So he took a thirty-minute walk, earplugs in, managing to get his head straight and clear in the end, finally coming at peace with the world around him. Then he showered back at his home and decided that no, he wouldn't take another glance at that homework again but that he and Oliver would talk and figure this out because a relationship needs communication to work. When he turned his phone's internet back on, he had a few new messages but the ones he focused on first were Oliver's.

_Okay_

_When u free?_

_Maybe we can meet up on the park?_

Joshua sighed, drying his hair with the towel before he threw it on the sink, answering his idiotic boyfriend. 

_Right now_

After that Joshua was locking his phone and leaving the bathroom, goosebumps rising up his skin at the difference of temperature between the bathroom and his room. Joshua wouldn't shower unless the water was boiling and his skin turned red. He tried changing that habit but gave up as soon as the cold water poured down on him, promising himself to never be stupid like that again.

Josh left his room and wandered downstairs to grab something to eat before he was looking at his phone again, wondering why it didn't buzz.

_Oki_

I'm leaving rn

Joshua took another bite of his apple, putting his phone on his pocket and leaving the house again with a huff this time. But hey, the fresh air would do him good.

The walk to the park was okay, generally. Joshua wasn't thinking much about what he and Oliver would talk about because even if he made an entire essay about it, it wouldn't come out right and he would forget half of it.

  
Once Joshua got to the little place they always met up at, he realised that Oliver was already there, standing still, staring at the horizon, chewing on his fingernails. Joshua pursed his lips, taking his headphones out with a sigh.

Here we go.

"Hey," Joshua murmured, stopping right beside Oliver. The nervous reaction Oliver had — quickly shoving his hands on his pockets, shuffling on his feet, looking at Joshua anxiously — was kinda cute but the shit Oliver said made Joshua push the thought away.

"Hey, uhm," Oliver spoke quickly before he cleared his throat, taking his hands off of his pockets so he could lace his own fingers together. "Josh." Oliver gave him a crooked smile before he was awkwardly looking away. Josh scrunched his nose slightly.

"Oliver," Joshua pursed his lips, letting his gaze wander away, crossing his arms. "So. You wanted to talk."

"I did," Oliver nodded, shoving his hands on his goddamn pockets again. "Well, I- uh... I want to- to apologize," though the end sounded more questioning than Oliver meant to be. "I... I said a lot of shit, didn't I?" And he just made a face, nose wrinkling and eyes squinting.

"You did," Joshua nodded. "It... Hurt. It really hurt." Josh kept his eyes on the lake even if he could see from the corner of his eye that Oliver was staring at him. "I... I didn't know that you found kissing _me_ -" Joshua swallowed hard, his chest clenching. "disgusting. I wouldn't have-"

"Nononono, It's not that, I don't!" Oliver said quickly, hands coming off of his pockets, rising them aimlessly as he took a step so he was kinda in front of Josh but not completely. "I- I don't find kissing you disgusting or anything, I _like_ it!"

Joshua looked up at him, his eyebrows slowly furrowing.

"You don't _like_ _it_ ," Joshua denied with what seemed like a soft scoff. "If you did you wouldn't have said that. I mean, why would you say something that you don't mean?" 

"No, Josh, I really do like... Being with you and everything we do together," Oliver sighed, starting to pick at the skin around his thumbnail unconsciously. "I just... Tom was there and... He could have told my _parents_ , you know? But I really enjoy kissing you. I like you a lot."

And Joshua had this disappointed look on his face. It was understandable the Tom thing but would it really be so bad to just admit Joshua? Maybe Josh would freak out too if Elissa found out but he wouldn't deny Oliver. Or maybe he was just being unreasonable. But Joshua wasn't ashamed of Oliver the way Oliver was ashamed of Joshua, still. "Really, now," Joshua murmured sadly. He didn't want Oliver to be ashamed of him but that wasn't something he could change. Why was Oliver even ashamed first place? "C'mon, you- you probably don't even like me romantically."

And that wasn't exactly what Joshua wanted to say but as his mind processed his own words he realised that they made far more sense than they should have and it was saddening as hell.

"What?! Joshua, of course I do!" Oliver spoke a little loud, sounding pretty offended. "I _do_ like you, I-"

"I didn't say you didn't like me, I said you don't like me in a _romantic_ way." Joshua interrupted, uncrossing his arms to slide his hands on his back pockets seeming far more patient than he was in his own mind. "There's a huge difference."

"Josh," Oliver frowned. "I meant it when I said that I love you," he started sounding weaker by the end, sighing once the words were out. Joshua stared at him, lips in a tight line. It's not that Joshua doubted him, it's just that... 

Well. 

Joshua doubted him.

"Well," Joshua exhaled, his gaze flickering up at the sky. "It doesn't feel like it. I mean," Josh let out in a wavered breathy laugh. "You can't even hold my hand. You're- fuck, Oliver, you don't wanna be seen with me. You're... You're ashamed of me."

And Joshua flickered his stare back at Oliver, the shadow of a smile on his lips even if his eyes twinkled sadly. He heard the way Oliver's breath hitched, his eyes widening slightly.

"Yeah, I'm not blind," Josh let out another breathless chuckle, though it came out bitter.

"It's not that I- that I don't want to be _seen_ with you, it's just- I just... I-"

"You just don't want to be seen with me," Joshua raised his eyebrows, lips stretching in a straight line into a grimace for Oliver. He looked like Joshua had discovered a secret of his as if it wasn't blatantly obvious. Oliver started shaking his head but Joshua just chuckled.

"There's no need to lie, O-"

"It's not that!" Oliver's voice raised ever so slightly and Oliver sounded awfully defensive in Joshua's ears. He wasn't sure if it was because Oliver did love him or if it was because he was in denial that he _didn't_. "It's just- I'm just- fuck!"

Josh frowned, pursing his lips tightly, hands leaving his pockets to cross in front of his chest again.

"You're just ashamed," Josh quirked one eyebrow, Oliver's frustration rubbing off on him in form of annoyance. How the hell could Joshua be so annoying when he wanted to be?

"I'm not-"

"You are!" Joshua raised his voice as well because Oliver was starting to piss him off so bad, more than the usual.

"I'm-" Oliver hit his own thighs out of anger, his face turning into a scowl.

"-ashamed!" Joshua interrupted again as he spread his arms, getting a sort-of growl from Oliver.

"I _said_ _I'm_ _not_ -"

" _Don't_ _fucking_ _lie_ _to_ _me_!"

"I didn't _ask_ to be a _fucking faggot!_ " Oliver shouted before he could even realise the words spewing from his lips. His face fell once he did and he began shaking his head again but by Joshua's face, there was no turning back. Joshua looked awfully hurt, his eyebrows in a harsh frown as his eyes began glistening, his lips parted but jaw clenched tightly. Oliver didn't speak after that but nor did Joshua. The heavness of every word seemed to create a metaphorical fog on where it was already hard to see and it clouded every sort of understanding, just for a second, every thought, every edge.

"Fuck you," Joshua whispered, finally, breaking their stare. His cheeks began earning colour and so did the tip of his nose, the white part of his eyes turning into a red shade whilst the blurriness of his vision began growing. "Just- fuck you. You know what, this- this is _over_ ," he breathed out, clenching his jaw as he stepped back, finally looking up at Oliver with a heartbreaking glare. "I-" he swallowed hard, trying to keep his face straight. "I'm done with you," and his voice cracked. Joshua really couldn't keep his face from quivering anymore so he turned around and left as quickly as he could.

Meanwhile, Oliver just stood there, breathless, frozen in place. His face was completely distraught, the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes, nose stinging, chest painfully tight, regret eating away at him mercilessly. Suddenly gravity became far harsher than ever before, the ground seemed to cave in. It was hard to stay standing, it was hard to not curl up and just... let go. Why did the world become so huge? Oliver was so small, so dumb.

There was no ounce of warmth left behind, his chest throbbing painfully, his insides spilling out. Oliver had never felt so bad in his life.

Did he just lose Joshua?


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahhhhhhhhhhh trigger warning guys. be safe 💕
> 
> after the ~~~
> 
> I have no idea how UK school works so imma just roll around with the way it works here, in case things get confusing for y'all.

The days seemed to pass in the strangest ways. A second could last an hour and a day could last a second. Time just seemed to blend into itself. Oliver had no idea what was going on anymore. School... Well, school sucked. But it seemed to suck even more now that things were awfully awkward with his friends. Joshua stopped walking with him to school, he wouldn't even look at Oliver in the face, he wouldn't talk to him, nothing. It was like Oliver wasn't even there.

It was awful. The only person that made Oliver feel seen wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Oliver didn't try and reach out for Joshua, he would let him take his time to cool down and maybe find it in himself to forgive Oliver.

Oliver had a feeling that this was going nowhere.

But school was almost over, too. April was almost over and that was a plus. Since Oliver was in the last grade, the school organised a weekend vacation as a let-out for the students. Oliver was excited to it before but now he wasn't too sure if he would go. Things might be awkward.

Things would _definitely_ be awkward.

But all of this was exhausting to Oliver. He had managed to survive this day just so the next day came by in a blink and it was horrible. Not even sleeping felt good anymore. So Oliver shut the door, resting back on it, eyes slipping shut as he exhaled.

He would try and enjoy this by-himself time the most he could.

But chattering broke throughout the silent house faintly, making his eyes snap open.

It was a weekday. Why wasn't the house empty? Did someone break in? Oliver walked closer to the kitchen, frowning hard. He could recognise Tom's excited voice anywhere and, oddly enough, his mom's too.

Wait, his mom was home? Oh no, did something happened?

Oliver opened the kitchen door, looking at his mom and then at Tom.

"You're home," Oliver stated in surprise. Thomas had the biggest grin on his face, he looked like he was going to explode, bouncing in place as he held a small backpack.

"Oli!" Thomas exclaimed, quickly bouncing up to him. "Mom's taking me to the amusement park!"

Oliver blinked. Slowly.

"What?" She- didn't she have work today? Did it got cancelled?

"I took the day off to take him," she said as if she was reading Oliver's mind. Oliver looked up at her, dumbfounded.

"You... Took the day off," He spoke slowly, dumbly, trying to process these words. The small smile she had on her face didn't fell. She couldn't realise it.

"I'm gonna go change!" Thomas exclaimed before he rushed out of the kitchen. Oliver didn't even look at him, his stare just remained on his mom. She nodded again, turning around to keep preparing the snacks for them.

"You- you took the day off," Oliver whispered once more. His face was blank.

She took the day off.

She furrowed her eyebrows but chuckled.

"Yeah? I mean... I feel like I haven't spent time with Thomas lately."

And she finished the sandwich, wrapping it up. She looked up since she didn't get any sort of response, just silence. Her small smile fell.

"Are you- are you crying?" She frowned harder. Oliver wasn't crying, there were no tears spilling down his cheeks. But his vision was blurry, his chest was tight.

Of course. He slowly clenched his jaw, lips parting.

"Yeah," he whispered, scoffing. "Because Thomas haven't been getting attention lately," Oliver's voice broke above a whisper. "Thomas really missed you. He must be _so_ glad you're doing something so thoughtful for him," Oliver chuckled. Bitter. The venom sweeped through every word he spoke, sarcasm dripping along. She quirked her eyebrows.

"What?" and she sounded genuinely confused. Oliver scoffed in disbelief.

"What?! Are you- are you asking me _what_ _?_!" Oliver shouted, spreading his arms wide open, eyes wide as he leaned forward. The tears hadn't fallen but they still were on his eyes, just waiting for the perfect moment. The mom frowned again.

"Why are you so worked up about this," she scoffed, giving him a stern look. Why was Oliver so mad?

"Why am I- When was the last time we spent time together?!" Oliver's voice broke as he spoke louder, close to screaming. She raised one finger to his direction, seeming to get angry too. Usually, Oliver would have backed down.

But she was seeing him. She was finally fucking seeing him and he would get through her goddamn skull that he was there.

"Don't you use that tone with me," she spat, gritting her teeth.

Oliver wanted to scream.

"Answer the goddamn question!" Oliver shouted louder than before.

"Watch your mo-"

" _Answer_ _me_ _!!!_ " He screamed. She narrowed her eyes, opening her mouth to say something.

"When was the last time I asked you to spend time with me?!" Oliver shouted before she could, motioning to himself with both his hands. She was going to say something again.

" _Yesterday_!!! I did it yesterday and you fucking said you had to work!!!"

"Don't you fucking curse!" She shouted too, stepping closer to him.

The tears fell. Oliver's lips parted in disbelief, the tears tracing a path down his cheeks.

" _You_ _don't_ _talk_ -"

" _Fucking_ _listen_ _to_ _me_ _for_ _once_ _!!!"_ Oliver screamed, eyebrows furrowing, bottom lip quivering. The rage boiled his lower stomach unbearably, his hands shaking as he made every sort of movement with them, his face no longer pleading like it was whenever he spoke to his mom, now it was ordering with a pitiful amount of pain.

"Fucking _look_ _at_ _me_ for once, fucking _help_ _me_!!!" He was panting, tears sliding down his face faster than before, entire body shaking. He was a tick bomb just keeping it in, waiting for the time to explode. His time came.

"I'm your son too, why won't you _listen_ _to_ _me_!!! Why don't you want to be around me, why won't you fucking _love_ me!!!" He kept on screaming despite the sobs that wracked throughout his body. Despite how his throat began to ache, despite how he could barely stand with how hard his body was shaking.

His mom just had a contained angry face, her arms crossed as she glared at Oliver coldly.

"Go to your room," her voice boomed all over the kitchen. "Stop causing a scene. _Grow_ _up_ _!_ "

The sobs lessened in a matter of seconds, his face falling harder. He was still crying but he was silent now, safe for the after-sobs and shutters and his sniffs. He was staring at her with so many emotions whilst she just glared at him coldly. Oliver swallowed.

Why was it so hard to hear him?

"Fuck you," he whispered, hands shaking, eyes wide. He hated her. He hated her so much. She was going to grow old and Oliver wouldn't bother to look after her when she needs. He fucking hated her. She gritted her teeth, glaring harder at him

"I told you-" But she could fuck herself. Oliver turned around and left quickly, listening to her pause. "Don't leave when I'm talking to you!"

She shouted from the kitchen but Oliver was already making his way up the stairs. Thomas was there. Concerned, staring at him with doe eyes, trying to understand why couldn't his family just be functional. And Oliver usually would be the one to comfort him, to give him the love Thomas needed.

But Oliver didn't have to do that, did he? Thomas already had their mom's love, apparently. Oliver's eyes narrowed involuntarily, body still trembling, tears still streaming down his cheeks, a hateful look on his face. And for once, Oliver looked at Tom in a way he never would before. Blaming. Despising, like it was all on Thomas. He didn't say anything but the intensity of his glare was enough to make Thomas cower away. Oliver just finished his way up the stairs, slamming his door so hard that the windows shook, locking it behind him.

His bottom lip was quivering and his body was trembling and his chest was tight, he was going to physically explode. His eyes quickly scanned the room, his pillows the first thing he saw. He walked to the bed, grasping one tightly, pressing his face into it. He screamed. He screamed until his throat was sore and he bit the pillow as hard as he could, he began hitting the bed with the pillow with all of his goddamned strenght and then he pressed his face on the pillow and screamed some more until the rage had lessened significantly as well as the adrenaline. Oliver's knees had buckled and his body became heavy as his face remained buried on the bed, the tears dried out at this point.

Why couldn't they see him? Why couldn't he just be loved without fucking it up? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Time was passing in the weirdest ways to Oliver. He would say that he stood there for a minute, maybe two, but then the car arriving on the driveway broke him off of his state. He stood up, knees aching, eyes no longer bloodshot — it took hours for them to go back to normal. He wobbled to the window, seeing his dad's car and his mom's nowhere in sight. It's not like he expected her to stay there for him.

He was dead silent, had been for a while. The rage had worn off leaving nothing in return. The anger than once warmed him had spread out and leaving the spot where it once habitated for so long cold and empty.

Not completely, though. There was a little bit of it left at the thought of his dad. Remorse hot enough to burn his skin but it had been there for so long that even though his skin was red, he was numb to it. And maybe the numbness, the emptiness, the urge to feel something got him so determined.

The sky was a swirl of pink, orange and purple. Any other time Oliver would have thought it was a pretty sight but right now he didn't spare a second glance at it. He sat back on his bed, thinking on how he would do this. The urge to destroy something, to break stuff, fuck shit up was overwhelming but so was the heaviness on his bones.

At the same time Oliver wanted to stand up and scream, he wanted to fall back in bed and never move again.

But the taste of the hatred was too good. So he waited a few minutes. He let his father get settled, he let himself create courage. Then he stood up but before anything else, he took his phone. He made a call, resting back against the table, eyes heavy but decided.

" _Hey_ _,_ _it's_ _been_ _a_ _while_ _,_ _man_ _._ _Kellin_ _told_ _me_ _what_ -"

"I'm telling him," Oliver interrupted. He tilted his head back, eyes tracing the ceiling for a moment before he straightened up.

" _Telling_ _who_ _what_?"

Oliver's lips curled.

"I'm telling my dad," he hummed, shifting on his feet. He paid attention to the silence, lips still curled, barely.

" _Oliver_ _..._ _You_ _shouldn't_ -"

~~~

Oliver hung up and placed his phone on the table. The phone began ringing again and Oliver knew that the clock was counting down now. Oliver left the room, shutting the door behind him softly. He knew that Eric was probably cursing his entire existence but Oliver couldn't give a fuck. He padded downstairs, finding his father on the couch. Oliver breathed out. Oliver stopped on the opposite side of the couch, tracing his bottom lip with his tongue. His father didn't even bother to look at him. Oliver smirked.

"I'm gay."

And maybe if Oliver was in his right state of mind he would have realised just how fucking stupid that idea was, but there was this recklessness inside of him that carried him all the way there and that wouldn't let him back down. Slowly, his father looked up. Blank.

"What?" His voice was dull, duller than Oliver was used to. Oliver squeezed the couch tightly, heart getting on a slightly faster pace.

"I am gay."

Oliver wasn't aware of how fast his father was. In a blink he was grasping Oliver's shirt tightly with a murderous glint on his eyes. Oliver always thought that his stupid mouth would get him killed and now there was no doubt.

"Don't play around with this," his father whispered in a threat. Oliver swallowed. He could feel his heart pumping again. He leaned in slightly, staring straight onto his father's eyes.

"I am ga-"

Oliver stumbled back hard, a noise escaping his throat. His head had jerked back and brought his body along. The fall to the ground didn't hurt as bad as his cheekbone now. The pain was excruciating. He gasped, going to bring his hand to his face but his father was faster, fisting his shirt and pulling him up.

"You are not gay," his father spoke each word slowly, making sure Oliver understood every single one of them. But Oliver didn't know he was expecting an agreement, he just clutched his father's arm desperately, the throb of the punch giving him a reality check over just what had Oliver done.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!

The next blow came straight onto his nose with a painful crack. Oliver cried out, cupping his nose softly, his eyes tearing up from the agonising pain. It hurt so fucking bad that Oliver could scream. He gasped, his eyes quickly flickering to his dad, flinching when Oliver realised the backing fist of his. On the jaw, so hard that Oliver's head jerked back before he could do anything, his vision going completely black for a moment before it came back slowly. His ears started ringing loudly, his face throbbing and aching awfully, Oliver's mind delayed. When he started having a vague sense of reality agaib, he could see his father's raging face shouting on his face things that Oliver couldn't hear over the ringing of his ears and the throb of his face.

He seriously had never felt a pain of that amount. And his teary, foggy eyes caught sight of his father's backing fist again, Oliver's body already limp, being held up only by his father fisting his shirt.

And the entire world went black. Not a single sound, not a single thing to be seen, not a single thing to be felt, not a single thought to be thought. Oliver was unconscious.


	27. (Final)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be careful! This chapter still might be triggering

As soon as consciousness came back to Oliver, everything else did as well. The fresh memories of, the physical pain, the emotional exhaustion. His face was sore and sensitive, swollen and bruised and the ice pack resting on his cheek and eye caused even more pain. A choked pained noise left his throat before he tried to open his eyes, wincing hard as light entered his pupil. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. A scoff came from around Oliver.

"Oh, look," He heard the man coming. closer to him but he paid no mind, only trying to open his eyes again, blinking several times. "Sleeping beauty's up."

The ice pack was removed from his eye, earning an involuntary wince from Oliver and him having to blink over and over again to get his other eye used to the light. Once his eyes were used to the light and he could see his surroundings, Oliver took a slow blink at Eric.

"Shit, I'm in hell," he murmured, slowly sitting up. His head was pounding and his skin was tender but he pushed that away as he looked at his friend, who stood in front of him with his arms crossed and his face unimpressed. Eric scoffed.

"Not yet, princess," Eric stepped away to leave the ice on the table, sitting on the chair he had placed beside the sofa. Oliver had recognised the studio as soon as his mind processed it.

"You know," Eric started, crossing his legs and arms. "I thought you were smart but goddamn, didn't you show me the truth."

And Eric had this annoyed glare on his face. Oliver would have frowned if it didn't hurt to do so.

"You're the one who set high expectations of me, don't blame me," Oliver sighed slowly, staring Eric in the face. His eyebrows twitched. "The fuck happened to your face?"

Eric scoffed a chuckle. "What, you think you showed up here magically?" He shook his head, uncrossing his legs and arms, narrowing his eyes. "Oliver Scott, you are dumb as fuck," Eric stood up going around the room, moving a few things out of place. "Is that why you wanted a tattoo that said reckless? Because fuckin' hell, you are an idiot."

Oliver rolled his eyes, standing up. He ignored the heaviness of his body and the throbbing of his head, walking up to Eric's body mirror, leaning in to take a look at his face.

It was nasty.

Around his left eye, and even his eye, was swollen badly and black with purple rounding it, his eye could barely open. His nose seemed to be swollen as well but it hadn't bruised as badly as his eye and the cheekbone under, who was just as awfully swollen and with a large black and blue bruise with a large bright red cut from his father's ring. The right side of his face, on the jaw had a wide purple/blue bruise on it as well, a few parts around the damaged skin in a light yellow. Oliver made a face but, shit, bad idea because it was painful to scrunch his nose. He turned to Eric again, who was watching him with crossed arms.

"I look badass," Oliver's lips curled. Eric rolled his eyes but smiled, barely.

"You look like shit," Eric grumbled, walking up to Oliver and tilting his head back, asserting to the damage on his face. Eric frowned deeply, an unknown feeling crossing his face. Eric was left with only a large bruise on his cheek so it wasn't too bad like Oliver's face but seeing the swollen bruises made him feel like shit. He was angry, too. He definitely didn't regret the payback punch he delivered straight onto Oliver's father's face. But he wished he had done worse because Oliver didn't deserve all that emotional shit, much less the physical and that motherfucker needed to be put in his place.

"It'll take a while for that to heal," Eric murmured, letting go of Oliver. He sighed. "Shit, kid. What even happened?"

And Eric had switched from his scolding tone to his big brother one, looking at Oliver with a empathetic frown. Oliver shrugged.

"To be honest, I have no idea," Oliver walked back to the sofa, sitting on it and brushing his fringe away from his face. "Mom, uh... Mom..." and Oliver went quiet, the signature sorrowful and pained glint on his eyes that he got whenever he spoke about his parents was there. Eric was silent too, letting Oliver have his time.

Oliver needed time to be able to speak, to put things in order on his mind. Otherwise whatever that came out would be a panicked version of whatever that crossed his mind and it oftenly left him in trouble.

Oliver sighed out slowly, eyes tracing every other object on the room.

"Mom didn't listen. Again. But I, uh... I kinda blew up at her," Oliver glanced up at Eric, whose curiosity seemed to have peaked. Oliver licked his bottom lip. "I, uhm, I said everything I had to say and she still didn't listen. We argued."

And it was surprising to Eric too because he knew just how understanding Oliver was of most things, especially when it came to his mom. She must have upset Oliver badly if Oliver argued with her.

"Then I got back to my room and just... Well, I didn't do anything," Oliver shrugged, leaning back on the couch, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "But... I felt like shit," he admitted softly. "I just wanted to be close to her but... She doesn't care."

Eric watched sadly as Oliver's eyes began glossing, his expression pained. He wished he could do anything to make Oliver okay because, as someone who didn't have a good relationship with his father and that lost him when he was a teenager, Eric understood Oliver's situation. Not a hundred percent since Eric wasn't LGBT like Oliver but he too once was a teenager who just needed some love and advice. And Eric could guide Oliver to the right paths unlike his which was more than Eric ever got and he would gladly be the one to give it to Oliver. But Eric could never replace the absence of parental love. So all he did was sigh, walking up to the couch and sitting beside Oliver, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder and rubbing it slightly.

Oliver blinked a few times before he looked up at Eric, lips curling a little but not enough to hurt him. Oliver sighed.

"And, uhm, when I realised," Oliver started again, uncrossing his arms to lace his fingers together atop his legs. "Dad was home. I don't know what came over me but... I gave up, you know? I never felt as bad as I did that moment, after mom. I...Genuinely wished I hadn't been born because, bloody hell, do I really make a difference? A good kinda difference?" Oliver sighed, shoulders dropping. "I'm not important to anyone-"

"Bull fuckin' shit," Eric scoffed. "You're like a little brother to me, you jerk. Hell, even Kellin cares about you, especially after that day that... You got slapped. All your friends love you and, goddamnit, Oliver, Thomas? You're everything to that kid, believe me, I see it in his face. He looks up to you a lot."

And Oliver looked up at Eric sadly once he was done, his eyes glistening, a miserable look on his face.

"He doesn't really need me," Oliver murmured, playing with his fingers. "I mean, he has mom-"

"Your mom's a fucking bitch," Eric rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't be surprising if in the future she dies alone in a nursing home."

Eric could be mean sometimes.

"Wouldn't I be a bad person if I let her alone though," Oliver kept messing with his fingers, a little pout on his lip. Eric grumbled a chuckle.

"Treating people like they treat you doesn't make you a bad person."

Oliver nodded, sighing. Things got silent after that but Eric still rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. And then Oliver decided to take a peek at the clock that Eric kept on the wall, his eyes widening before he winced because even that little motion hurt. Oliver stood up. The pounding on his head had lessened significantly although Oliver still was a little heavy.

"I need to go home," he muttered, arms dropping to his sides.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Eric asked bewildered. "You- you still going back even after that shit? Won't you take a day off?"

Oliver's eyebrows twitched. "Where would I even stay if I don't go home?"

"You can stay here," Eric said as if Oliver was dumb. "I have a spare room in my house, fuck, kid, there's many other options. You- you can't just go back there right now. What if that motherfucker hurts you again?" Eric raised his palm to mute Oliver when he opened his mouth to speak. "Don't even say he won't because we both know that's bullshit."

Yeah, it's not like his parents would worry. And Thomas had his mom, he wouldn't worry either. Really, what was the point of going back? Oliver sighed.

"Alright. But then tomorrow you'll have to take me back home."

Eric shrugged and nodded. "C'mon," Eric motioned for Oliver to leave the room, coming face to face with the entrance of the tattoo shop. It was empty, nothing strange since it was already two in the morning.

"Wait," Oliver spoke once Eric began locking the shop. "Why did you bring me back there?"

"Hm? Oh," Eric unlocked the car and got in, Oliver following. "Because, my dear," He sighed, starting the car. "I panicked and here's closer to your house than to mine."

"Oh yeah," Oliver nodded. Then they got to Eric's house and he showed Oliver the spare room, offering him a snack before they went to sleep. Sleeping for Oliver took a while to come because there was so much to think about but after rolling around and realising that he couldn't mush his face on the pillow like usual, he shoved all of the shit away from his head and let his mind make up a world where things were perfect and he was alright.

The next morning wasn't too eventful either. He woke up three hours late for school - not that he would go in the state he was, anyways - and got out of bed unwillingly. As much as Oliver told himself the opposite, he wasn't ready to face his parents. But then time went by in a blink and now he sat on the car in front of the house, fingers drumming on his thigh as he created the courage to get up and go inside. Both his parents' cars were on the driveway. Eric just let him take his time patiently since he was a little against Oliver going back in but he trusted the kid.

Then, finally after so long, Oliver breathed out, turning to look at Eric, his half-open eye - due to the swell - squinting a little more as well as his good eye.

"Thank you, dude," Oliver sighed, opening the door. "You're awesome," he chuckled slightly but not much. Eric smiled softly.

"Sure, man," Eric gave Oliver a nod. Oliver did the same before he got out and shut the door, swallowing hard.

Everything would be okay.

Repeating that on his head over and over as he stepped up to the porch and got the hidden key and unlocked, getting in. The silence that spread all throughout the room was tense enough to make Oliver hold his breath. He put the key back and shut the door slowly but the noise seemed so loud that Oliver cringed but winced from the motion. He swallowed hard as he got further down the corridor. He tried hurrying his way up the stairs just so he didn't collide with neither of his parents. He didn't want to do that.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Oliver froze on the first step as his mom's voice, his breath hitching. He didn't turn around to face her, he just stood there paralyzed. The seconds that passed were suffocating, Oliver's heart drumming without mercy on his chest. He didn't want her to see his face.

"I made you a question." Her voice was completely stern and that made Oliver's good eye round up. He swallowed again.

"I- I went to a friends'," Oliver spoke just above a whisper. She let out an exclaimed yet angry hum that just made Oliver's dread grow.

"And you didn't think of asking me?"

Oliver leaned back on his feet, shrugging.

"You, uh, you weren't home," Oliver's voice got higher due to the fear. Not the fear of his mom - although she scared him a little - but because his father could turn the corner at any time and that was the last thing Oliver wanted or needed.

Things went silent once again and Oliver could feel his heart about to come out through his mouth.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you."

Fuck.

Oliver swore his heart stopped. He took a deep breath, shutting both his eyes tightly as he stepped away from the stairs, slowly turning around. His mom didn't say anything and that only pilled on the anxiety that took over his body. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing the shock and terror on her face and that was enough to make him tremble. But her stunned silence was broken by the heavy steps that Oliver so desperately wanted to avoid. He held his breath, his eyes flickering to the door and there staying, pleading to whatever the hell that existed out there that his father forgot something somewhere that would make him turn around and not come.

But when was the universe on his side? His father's eyes fell first on his mom and then they moved to Oliver. He could see them change in a matter of seconds.

"What the _fuck_ are you still doing here!" His voice was so loud that it bounced off the walls, harsh and hateful enough to make Oliver flinch hard, his eyes rounding as he unconsciously took a step up.

"I- I just-" Oliver's whisper was so weak in comparison to the loudness of his father.

"I told you to _get out_!" He seethed, fists clenching in a motion that didn't go unnoticed by neither Oliver nor his mother. Oliver swallowed hard, taking another step back, eyes trapped to his father's hands. His mother jumped up quickly, stare falling onto her husband disbelieving.

"Why," she asked although it came out as an angry deadpan. Just then he seemed to notice her presence again, raging face falling onto a cold glare. His lips curled and he looked at Oliver with smugness.

"Tell her," his father demanded, crossing his arms. Oliver's eyes widened slightly before his stare moved to his mother, who watched him intently. He trembled, an exhale leaving his lips. His bottom lip trembled as he looked at his father again, who raised an eyebrow. "Tell her!" he demanded again, loud. Oliver flinched, crossing one arm in front of his stomach. He tried swallowing the lump on his throat but it just grew. His lips parted, barely.

"I- I'm... I'm gay," but his words were so weak, a mere whisper that didn't travel far enough. None of them heard him.

"Say it louder! Weren't you so proud of it when you told me?" His father scoffed, glare hardening. His mom had a frown on her face but it was just confusion. Oliver swallowed harder, his gaze flickering away from his parents. His eyes began glistening.

He didn't want to be there anymore. He didn't want to be anywhere. Couldn't he just disappear?

"I'm gay," he spoke above a whisper, voice trembling. It was only loud enough to be heard. His father let out a gruff noise, fingers tightening around his arms.

"See why?!" He spoke through gritted teeth. Oliver's mom had an unreadable look on her face. The both of them turned to look at her, whose face looked both sick and blank. She was staring off into space.

"Get out of my house," she said, tears rising on her eyes as her gaze moved between the furniture.

The tears began slipping on Oliver's eyes, his body trembling harder.

Why did he have to be so fucking stupid? Why didn't he just shut the fuck up? Oliver began stepping down of the stair, his bottom lip trembling harder, face aching but not as badly as his chest. That was it. This was his end.

" _I told you to get the fuck out of my house!!!_ " She screamed so loudly so suddenly, enraged, fucking pained. Oliver flinched looking up at her with wide eyes.

But she wasn't looking at him.

His father was surprised too.

"W-what?" His father said genuinely confused, uncrossing his arms, tilting his head.

"Are you fucking _deaf_?!" Her voice shook and cracked, her jaw clenched as her hands trembled with the amount of wrath inside of her. "Get out of here. _Now_!"

His lips parted and his eyebrows raised high.

"Are you- are you kicking me out?" Oliver's father asked surprised, pointing at himself.

"Get out of here or I'm calling the police," she spoke in a heated tone but it never raised further. She was shaken up, her face furious despite the beginning-to-fall tears. He frowned hard.

"You're- you're choosing a goddamn queer over me?" He scoffed, lips curling insulted. Her eyes darkened.

"The lawyer will be getting in contact with you soon," she whispered out harshly. His face fell blank. He took his time to process it, trying too look down at her.

She didn't back down. He scoffed again, giving her a dirty look before giving one even worse over Oliver. He quickly turned around and left, slamming the door harshly, windows trembling.

And Oliver prayed to whatever that existed out there that this would be the last time he saw that man.

"Oliver?" The both of them turned to the top of the staircase at the sound of the little voice, seeing Tom's eyes wide and hopeful, smiling. They quickly fell at the sight of Oliver, face falling onto deep, gut-wrenching horror. "Oliver!" Thomas exclaimed, quickly rushing down the stairs but staying a few steps away from Oliver so they were eye-to-eye. Oliver was still a little taller than him. Oliver swallowed weakly, not rubbing the tears away from his face. "W-what happened?!" Thomas asked shakily, his own eyes glassing at the sight of his brother's harmed face.

Oliver didn't want to be seen like that, especially not by Thomas. Oliver inhaled, looking away from the kid, stepping down the stairs and turning away from him and their mom.

"Was- was dad being mean again? Did- did he hurt you again?" Thomas asked weakly, voice giving away that he was about to cry, following his brother to the entrance of the kitchen.

"That wasn't the first time?" Their mom asked horrified, her voice cracking just like Thomas'. Oliver swallowed hard.

"No," Oliver turned his head slightly to look at his mom, still bewildered of what she had done and even more stunned at the fact that she had tears streaming down her face, a heartbroken twinkle over her. He was so confused. Yesterday she could care less about him but now she was kicking her husband out and crying over _him_? What even happened.

"I didn't tell him about you dating Joshua, I swear!" Tom whimpered, sniffing. Oliver turned to look at Thomas softly, placing a hand on top of his hair. Despite how painful it was, Oliver smiled at him, ruffling his hair slowly, caringly. Thomas was an angel far too pure for the world he was placed at.

"I know you didn't," Oliver said softly. "This wasn't your fault, little one. None of this was on you."

Thomas sniffed again, choking down a sob, the tears running freely. Tom quickly wrapped his arms around Oliver's waist, burying his face on his tummy, sobbing out his little heart. And it pained Oliver to see Thomas like that but he couldn't magically heal his face or erase the memory of his father slapping him from Thomas' mind nor could he stop him from imagining their father damaging Oliver as he did. All he could do was rub Thomas' back and thread his fingers through his soft curly hair gently, reassuring like all the nights of overheard arguing or the nights of bad dreams and fears.

"C'mon, little guy," Oliver spoke gently. "There's no need to cry. Everything's alright. I'm right here, aren't I?"

Tom shrugged, still crying and holding Oliver as tightly as he could. Oliver sighed but smiled a little. He forgot how loving Thomas was.

Oliver glanced up as his mom left the living room but looked down at Thomas again. He didn't really care that she would do something else right now, she had done far more than he expected of her. Oliver tried tugging Thomas away from him but the kid wouldn't bulge so Oliver took a few steps back, hand on Thomas' back as he made sure he didn't trip anywere before he sat on the couch, quickly making Thomas let go of him so he could climb on Oliver's lap and hold his brother. Oliver chuckled silently.

How could Oliver ever get mad with that little angel?

He wasn't sobbing anymore but there were a few occasional sniffs here and there from Tom and Oliver knew he would pass out in a matter of minutes.

But then his mom was coming back to the living room with an ice pack om her hand, giving it to Oliver. She said nothing but she looked miserable, her face red with obvious traces of crying. Oliver smiled thankfully, pressing it to his eye with a wince. It was so cold but it was like his skin was burning up. It hurt.

To Oliver's surprise, she sat down beside him, facing him. He turned to face her as much as he could with Thomas on top of him.

"Honey," she said softly. "How many times did he hurt you?"

Oliver blinked. Why was she asking about this now?

"Besides this one," he took the ice away from his face to make motion to it before pressing it back to his cheekbone. "Twice."

Her face fell more but she quickly put on a straight face, shaking her head once, frowning.

"Why- why didn't you tell me? We could've avoided this," she looked at him sadly. Oliver blinked, his hand falling from his face as he looked at her dumbfounded.

"What?" Oliver frowned confused for a second before relaxing his face at the pinch from that motion. "I- I told you. Both times."

It was her turn to look surprised.

"What? No, you didn't, I would've remembered it," she shook her head in denial. Oliver just stared. Then he looked away, taking a deep breath.

"I told you both times, mom."

"You didn't, Oliver," she insisted. Oliver smiled and scoffed. He glanced at Thomas and saw how he was barely awake, his eyes fluttering into long blinks, struggling to keep them open. He held Tom with both arms and stood up, not looking at his mom again.

"I did. I told you everything."

But Oliver didn't wait for her to argue with him because he did tell her everything.

It's not a surprise she didn't listen.

He went up the stairs and into Thomas' room, leaving him atop the covers because it was too warm and then leaving to his own room. He grabbed his phone that he had left on the table on the day prior and laid down on his bed, pressing the ice to his face with a sigh.

There was only one notification on his phone and it was a message from Lee.

_You_ _cool_ _dude_ _?_ _U_ _didn't_ _come_ _2day_

Oliver smiled a little. Lee was the friend that always paid attention to everything and that always made sure everyone was fine. He was a godsend.

_yea_ _i'm_ _alright_

_sumt_ _just_ _came_ _up_ _but_ _it's_ _all_ _fine_ _now_ _xx_

And it wasn't a lie. Things were, mainly, fine now. Surely, his face ached like hell and Joshua hated him but his mom did something big and just for him. His father wouldn't hurt him, not anymore. His mom knew that he wasn't exactly straight, not that he was necessarily gay. Things were okay.

But Oliver expected the rest of his day to be like that; wasted away on his phone but suddenly, nostalgically, there was this angel who just walked in. Even if the angel looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, not once looking at Oliver. He jolted up from the bed, the ice falling on the bed as he stared amazed.

"I didn't want to be here," Joshua grumbled, looking down at his backpack. "But your mom told my mom said that you 'needed a friend'," he made quotes with his fingers, leaving his bag on the chair, his face beyond annoyed yet secretly nervous as he turned to face Oliver but his gaze tracing the walls. "Whatever that's supposed to- _what_ _the_ _fuck_ _happened_ _?!"_

As soon as Joshua made eye-contact with Oliver he was rushing to the bed, the annoyance becoming an increasing worry, his eyes widening as he gently tilted Oliver's head back.

Oliver had his good eye wide, twinkling so softly, even if his other eye was unwillingly narrowed due to the swollenness. His lips curled.

"Hello," Oliver murmured when Joshua cupped both his cheeks to tilt his head gently, panicked, eyes tracing every single part of Oliver's face. Joshua's eyes widened more.

"Oliver, what happened?!" Joshua sat down on the bed, staring at Oliver frantically. Oliver's lips curled more but he had to stop because his eyes were starting to squint and his cheeks were rising and it hurt. He shrugged.

"Do I not get a good morning?" Oliver murmured jokingly.

He had no idea just how much he missed Joshua rambling at being forced to do something. He had no idea how much he had missed Joshua's voice being directed at him, he had no idea how much Josh's mere touch could affect him. As soon as Josh's palms gently held his face, Oliver felt every cell of his body going crazy and finding peace all the same. The tightness of his stomach - which he hasn't even realised - had dissipated to give space to the buzzing of the butterflies, his skin tingling warmly along his chest. And all Oliver wanted, more than his touch, would be the calmness of Joshua. All he needed and he didn't even know that - Well, he did, but...

Oliver wanted kisses. Even if Oliver didn't deserve kisses.

Joshua stared at Oliver with wide eyes. Was Oliver crazy?! But instead of Joshua asking again, he just quieted down, unable to turn his eyes away from the whiplash.

"Good- good morning," Joshua spoke bewildered. Oliver grinned, barely, and nodded. His stomach churned nervously at the fact that Joshua wouldn't even blink when he stared, but at the same time, it felt wonderful. Oliver had Josh's attention once again.

But their atentions were driven away as Oliver's mom knocked on the door softly, walking in with an apologetic face.

"Darling, we need to take pictures of the bruises," she laid it all out. Oliver was grown enough to understand, there was no need to hide or sugarcoat. "I'm getting a lawyer as soon as possible-" she stopped in front of Oliver, twirling her phone on her hands. "-and then maybe we can charge your father- I mean, my ex husband, for what he did."

Oliver just nodded obediently, sighing. She did as well and they all stood on a nervous silence as she took photos of his face.

"Alright," she said, locking her phone and placing her hand atop Oliver's head. "That's all for now." And she ruffled his hair lovingly, looking down at him sorrowfully. She left the room, shutting the door behind her. Oliver could feel his heart about to burst. She always ruffled his hair when he was smaller. She stopped with time but now that she did the same way she always did, memories of simpler times came back so strongly. For him it meant something along the lines of I love you back then. His eyes started glistening. Oliver took a deep breath.

God, was he so touch-starved that he would start crying because she ruffled his hair? Ugh.

Joshua's fingertips traced softly the back of his hand, reminding him that he wasn't alone. Oliver turned to look at him, blinking several times to will the tears away. Oliver cleared his throat.

"Your father did this?" Joshua asked softly, staring at Oliver with the saddest expression Oliver had ever seen. Oliver shrugged, licking his lips and looking away from Joshua. He couldn't help but notice that Joshua still had his hand atop Oliver's.

"Yeah..." Oliver dragged the vowels out, keeping his face straight.

"Why would he do that?" Joshua muttered silently, shifting closer and unconsciously wrapping his arm around Oliver. Or Oliver thought it was unconsciously.

"Well," Oliver breathed out. He let his head slowly fall down on Joshua's shoulder, testing to see if he would shrug Oliver off.

He didn't.

"I, uh... I kinda came out to him," Oliver tried to shrug it off but Joshua gasped.

"He did this because you came out?!" Joshua asked, quickly feeling himself getting mad. Yeah, he was angry at Oliver before but seeing Oliver in the state he was was heartbreaking. Oliver didn't deserve shit like that. Oliver just hummed.

"Shit, Oliver," and after that whisper, Joshua was wrapping both his arms around Oliver tightly burying his face on Oliver's hair. Oliver's eyes fluttered, inhaling slowly before exhaling shakily. He was so safe. Finally so safe. Home.

A home of which he easily gave away.

Oliver swallowed. He squeezed his eyes shut harder. His arms circled Joshua's middle, a breath leaving Oliver's lips.

"We need to talk," Oliver said weakly. Joshua breathed out. They were silent.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" Josh brought one hand up to thread through Oliver's hair, his other fingers rubbing Oliver's skin through his clothes. Oliver hummed. The truth was already out, why would he hide it?

"It's- it's better if we do," Oliver murmured, eyes sliding open. Joshua hummed.

"Okay," Josh sighed. "Let's talk."

They both were silent after that. Ruining the moment with words just didn't seem like a good idea but Oliver knew it never really would.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Oliver started. "I know I apologised before buy I can never do it too much. I'm sorry."

Josh just stayed silent, his hands motions never stopping. He had interrupted Oliver several times before and he knew he was only adding pressure on Oliver. It kinda was a shitty thing to do and Joshua was aware of it by now, after living and reliving the moment all over all the time.

"Uhm," Oliver let out, bringing one hand up to mess with the sleeves of Joshua's shirt. "I didn't want to say what I did, I actually wanted to... I wanted to say," Oliver swallowed. "That... That I told Tom that I didn't like kissing you because- well, because..."

"Breathe," Josh whispered for the first time. He stopped rubbing Oliver side and focused on his fluffy hair only, resting his nose on top of Oliver's hair. Oliver did it, inhaling sharply before exhaling shakily.

"Because I was scared. I- I didn't want Tom to, I don't know, tell my mom or- or dad," Oliver swallowed hard. "Because I- I had a feeling that-" a teary chuckle. "-that it wouldn't be pretty."

Oliver sniffed, bringing one hand to press down slightly under his eye, not letting the stray tear run down.

"Uhm, I didn't mean- I didn't mean to hurt you," Oliver sniffed again, blinking the tears away. "I just... I just was scared that dad would do something. And- and I was also scared that people would do the same. I'm so sorry, Joshua."

Neither said anything for a while but they didn't let go of each other either. Oliver had no idea what Joshua was thinking or what his expression was or even if Joshua thought about forgiving him and that got Oliver thinking too much but Joshua was still playing with his hair so that had to mean something positive.

"I fucked up, didn't I?" Joshua whispered after so long. Oliver blinked, pulling away to look at his best friend. Oliver's good eye rounded in surprise. Joshua had glistening eyes, a pained face. "Fuck, Oliver, I'm sorry."

"What? Joshua, no," Oliver frowned, shaking his head slightly. Josh smiled sadly.

"I should have been there for you instead of throwing shit at you," Josh sniffed, reaching up to cup Oliver's cheek, leaning in and resting their foreheads together.

"Forgive me?" Josh whispered, reaching his other hand up to hold his face with both hands. Oliver blinked. Stunned.

Joshua didn't blame him?

"Of- of course," Oliver mumbled stunned. Josh smiled softly.

"Thank you," Josh's eyes fluttered shut but Oliver could only watch with a trembling heart.

The feeling of Joshua's lips covering his never got old. Oliver's chest was warmed and spreading and Oliver was sure that thr universe had heard his prayers and send him his guardian angel again. And surely, Joshua only kept their lips pressed together, unmoving but, fucking hell, it was enough to make Oliver stop functioning. Although it didn't last long but the aftermath had Oliver's hands clammy and his cheeks flushed. Joshua opened his eyes, lips curling. He chuckled, rubbing his thumb under Oliver's damaged cheekbone.

"I love you," Josh still whispered but it didn't make his words any less heard. "I really love you. I'm sorry that it didn't seem like it. I love you."

Oliver didn't know of the capacity he had to blush but it was flourishing alongside the already-there feelings he had for Joshua. Oliver could now die happy.

"I love you too," Oliver mumbled with flaring cheeks. Joshua cackled.

"I'm really glad you do," Josh used one finger to tilt Oliver's head up and steal another peck before shuffling back on the bed, patting the space between his legs. Oliver grinned slightly before he was backing onto Josh and resting his back against his chest, bringing Josh's hands up to his tummy so he could lace their fingers together.

"So, uh... We good?" Oliver asked shyly. Josh smiled softly.

"Yeah, we good," Josh nodded, kissing Oliver's hair. Oliver nodded too.

"Good."


	28. Epilogue

There's no such thing such as a mother embrace. The comfort, the love, the assurance that, no matter what, life will turn right and things will be okay. Oliver had forgotten the feeling.

His mom had never held him tighter. Her hand threaded through his hair, the other around his shoulder tightly as he kept his face buried on her shoulder, his arms around her middle, just holding her back.

Tom was there, too, grasping the end of Oliver's shirt and looking up to his brother. Both physically and figuratively.

"You did so good in there," she whispered, kissing Oliver's hair. Oliver pulled back, smiling a little. He could smile now, his face healed just fine. It still was a shade of green and yellow on the nastier bruises with traces of purple left behind but it was mainly just fine.

"Thanks," he whispered back. She smiled softly. And then he remembered Thomas when his little arms snaked around his middle and hugged him too because, hey, it's my turn to get Oliver's love now.

Oliver patted Tom's hair, grinning down at him before he glanced back at his mom.

"I'll leave you at Joshua's now, right?"

Oliver bit his lip a little, following with a nod.

"Yeah but can you, like, pass by the tattoo shop?"

His mom blinked, surprised, but nodded nonetheless.

"Okay," she threaded her fingers through his hair one last time before her hand fell down to his shoulder with a soft squeeze. "C'mon, guys," she nodded towards the parking lot. "Let's go."

They got into the car and, finally, Oliver exhaled, taking one final glance at the court place. He swallowed, letting himself relax for the first time that day.

"Hey, you want me to pick up something for lunch to you and your boyfriend?"

Ms Sykes asked, backing from the parking lot. Oliver's lips curled, barely.

"Yeah, I'll text you what we'll want."

"Alright."

And hearing his mom speak so nonchalantly about his lover was definitely heartwarming, especially after had Oliver just spoke out about his father's assault. Freeing, assuring that Oliver wasn't in the wrong for exposing that man's doings. And Oliver had three people to thank for that; his mom, Eric and Joshua.

It didn't take too long to reach the tattoo shop, where Ms Sykes parked and waited until Oliver came back. Oliver quickly got into the shop, a small grin on his face. Kellin looked up, grinning up at Oliver.

"Hey dude," Kellin nodded at him. "Oliver's here!" 

Oliver nodded back at Kellin, almost snorting at how quickly Eric ran to the main room.

"Ayyyyy," Eric was quick to hug Oliver tightly, earning himself a coughed chuckle from Oliver. "So?! How did it go?"

"I don't even get a good morning," Oliver sighed playfully, grinning when Eric rolled his eyes. "Well, he god fined," Oliver nodded, fingers curling over the end of his shirt. "And, uhm, legally he's not my father anymore."

Eric's eyebrows curled in disappointment.

"Motherfucker should be arrested for life," Kellin grumbled loudly enough for them both to hear. Eric nodded.

"He should. But don't worry, Oli-pop, we'll make justice for you," Eric gave a sinister smile, looking up at Kellin with a knowing look, one which made Kellin's lips curl lopsidedly and his eyes narrow evilly. Oliver furrowed his eyebrows.

"Guys?" Oliver asked hesitantly, looking at them both sceptically. Eric and Kellin broke their little staring context to look at Oliver.

"Anyways," Eric quickly changed the subject. "We need to celebrate your freedom sometime. I'll get you a free tattoo or something."

Oliver grinned. "Thanks, man. You're the best." 

Eric winked, ruffling Oliver's hair.

"Send Joshua a kiss for me," Kellin sent a teasing wink towards Oliver, that rolled his eyes.

"Watch it, Quinn," Oliver squinted his eyes playfully. "I'll suck his dick for you."

Kellin laughed out loud, shaking his head. Eric let out a disgusted noise. 

"Get outta here, you queer."

"Oh, shut up, you seacrest," Oliver snorted, quickly running to the door with a laugh.

"Hey!" Eric shouted, glaring at Kellin when he started wheezing.

Oliver got out of the store and onto his mom's car with a fond sigh. She quickly started the car up and took him to Joshua's.

"I'll take Tom out for a bit then I'll buy you guys' some burgers or whatever yeah? I love you."

Oliver smiled at his mom, eyes squinting.

"Alright. I love you too, mom. Bye Tom."

"Byebye," Tom smiled wide, making Oliver chuckle at his missing tooth. Oliver shut the door, waving at his family as he jogged up to the front door of Josh's house. A swift knock and it took seconds for Joshua to slam the door open — yes, he knew he had to stop doing that.

"Hey, babe," Joshua said with the widest grin, quickly wrapping Oliver around his arms with a forehead kiss. Oliver smiled goofily, hugging Joshua tighter.

"Hey, love."

"C'mon, I got us some chips," Joshua quickly tugged Oliver onto the house, shutting the door behind him. Joshua got the sheets that were folded on the couch and unfolded it, placing it over Oliver's shoulders before he quickly pushed Oliver down onto the couch, climbing on top of him with a smile, placing the bowl with chips on their side. Oliver just blinked up at Josh, lacing his arms around him.

"Hello!" Joshua exclaimed, quickly pecking his boyfriend's lips. Oliver couldn't keep his smile hidden.

"Hi," Oliver murmured before he received another peck followed by many. Oliver let out a small laugh that made Joshua laugh so the two of them kept giggling onto each other's mouths in a safe little bubble with nothing but each other.

Though Joshua was dying to know how had it ended, so his smile slowly died out before he was placing deeper kisses over Oliver's mouth. In no time, Joshua was cradling Oliver's face, rubbing his cheeks and tilting his head to french-kiss the hell out of Oliver, getting a sigh from both of them. When Joshua pulled back a little, he opened his eyes to see just how dazed Oliver was. Joshua bit his lip.

"How did it go?" Joshua asked softly, leaning up to place a long kiss to Oliver's forehead, trailing his lips slowly to the side of his face. Oliver swallowed, eyes fluttering shut.

"Alright," Oliver answered, rubbing Joshua's back gently. Joshua hummed, urging Oliver to enlighten him.

"Uhm... He got, uh, he got fined," Oliver trailed one of his hands up to tangle in Joshua's hair as Josh placed a gentle bite right over his jaw. "And he... He lost his parental rights," Oliver sighed, delighted with every kiss laid over his face. Joshua frowned a little but placed another kiss over Oliver's cheek.

"Why didn't they arrest him for assault or whatever?" Joshua asked in a murmur, pecking the tip of Oliver's nose. Oliver shrugged, leaning in to kiss Joshua's mouth.

"I don't know," Oliver whispered, tightening his hold. Josh sighed.

"Alright," Josh kissed him back before he pulled back completely, licking his lips as his hands wandered back to Oliver's face. "And are you okay?"

Oliver blinked. He smiled.

"Of course, lovely. Especially now that I'm here with you," Oliver winked cheekily, making Joshua roll his eyes and smile.

"You cheeky bastard," Joshua murmured before pecking Oliver's lips once more. Josh sighed. "Alright then. Let's watch something," And Joshua got off of Oliver's lap to get the bowl before he was spreading Oliver's legs and sitting between them, resting against Oliver's chest. "Chips?" Josh raised the bowl, letting Oliver dip his hand inside. Joshua pulled the sheet over one of Oliver's sides completely to cover himself too, whilst the other side was left almost forgotten.

Oliver sighed a little, resting his head atop Joshua's.

"I wanna bang the shit outta you," Oliver murmured to himself. Josh blinked, cheeks heating up barely.

"What was that?" Josh turned his head a little to look up at his lover. Oliver blinked.

"I love every single thing about you," Oliver smiled a little embarrassed. Joshua tilted his head before he nodded, turning back around to put something on Netflix. Josh nibbled on his lip.

"I would love if you did that," Josh murmured, lacing one hand with Oliver's and giving it a soft squeeze. Oliver smiled shyly.

Halfway through the movie they were watching, Josh got a text from his mom. He blinked, pausing it to answer her before she went mental.

 _I_ _need_ _you_ _to_ _tidy_ _up_ _the_ _house_ _please_ _._

_Can't_

_my_ _bf_ _is_ _over_

Joshua didn't think much of it because he spoke like that to his friends all the time but he forgot that he wasn't talking with his friends. His mom's answer came in a matter of seconds.

_Your_ _what_ _???_

Joshua blinked.

"Fuck," Josh winced, scrunching his face. Oliver blinked down at Josh.

"What?" Oliver asked, reading the messages Josh's mom sent. Oliver nibbled on his lip for a bit.

"You can say, uh... Best friend."

Joshua looked back at Oliver, considering his options. Josh stared at Oliver for a few seconds before he turned to answer his mom.

_my_ _boyfriend_ _,_ _ya_ _know_ _?_

_Oh_ _?_ _Alright_ _..._

_You'll_ _still_ _have_ _to_ _clean_ _up_ _the_ _house_ _later_ _though_ _._

_And_ _no_ _sexual_ _activities_ _._ _We'll_ _talk_ _about_ _this_ _when_ _I_ _get_ _home_ _._

Oliver raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"Josh?" 

"I want her to know," Joshua looked up at Oliver with a soft smile. "I think it's time for me to come out." Josh squeezed Oliver's hand reassuringly before bringing it up from his tummy to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on Oliver's knuckles. 

"Then we'll officially be boyfriends instead of best friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY, I WANTED TO DO THAT SAPPY THING WHERE THE LAST LINE IS THE BOOK'S TITLE CUZ I FIND IT AMAZING. EEEHHHH ITS FINALLY OVER HOLY SHIT
> 
> Time to start another three books-
> 
> I AM KIDDING (TT—TT) I STILL NEED TO PLOT THOSE OUT MORE
> 
> AAAAHHHHH IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO GET THE EPILOGUE OUT BUT... I LOVE YOU GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING SO FAR WITH ME, IT MEANS THE WHOLE WORLD FOR ME. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! SEE U NEXT TIME


End file.
